When it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back, there are many schools of thought. Calling... begging... pleading... these things will only chase your ex away, eventually causing him to disconnect his phone. Yet at the same time, what exactly are you supposed to do? Is there something you can do to win back your boyfriend even when he shows little to no interest?
Of course there is. If, that is, you can put aside all your current emotions and really understand where your ex's head is at right now.
As tough as it's been for you to be dumped, there's one thing you need to realize about your boyfriend's side of things: he needs you just as much as you need him. The trick however, is that he needs you in different ways.
To clarify, let's go back to the moment your boyfriend broke up with you. Maybe you were blindsided here, maybe you weren't. One thing is for sure however: your boyfriend had plenty of time to ready himself for the break up. Since he knew about the end of the relationship well before you did, he had the advantage of preparing himself mentally and emotionally. He knew he wouldn't be seeing you anymore, and so he began cutting ties long before he sat you down to break up with you.
This type of advantage made it easier for him to let you go. Does your ex boyfriend still have emotional bonds and ties to you? Sure he does. But because he got to let go of you g-r-a-d-u-a-l-l-y, it was a lot easier for him to say goodbye. You on the other hand? The news came all at once, and you were expected to deal with it right then and there.
Now understand something else: just because your boyfriend broke up with you doesn't mean he didn't want to hear from you again. In fact, your ex relied on the fact that you'd try to save the relationship. Knowing you still love him, watching you chase after him... these are the things he not only expects but actually wants to see. It validates his decision. It makes him feel loved. It boosts his ego, and it also strengthens his resolve when it comes to the decision to break up with you.
Think about it. The more steps you take in your exboyfriend's direction, the more attention you give him... the stronger and stronger he gets. As you open up and pour your heart out to him, your ex boyfriend starts to feel pretty indestructible. You're building his confidence and stroking his ego, and at the same time you're making it easier for him to move on to finding another girlfriend. Everything you think is geared toward getting your ex boyfriend back is actually causing you to lose him.
In short, your ex prefers to detach from your relationship slowly and gradually. He doesn't want to be rushed. For this reason, it's nice to know you're still there. Knowing he can get you back anytime he wants is a nice little safety net that he currently has over you. Which is why, if you want your boyfriend back, you need to yank that net right out from under him.
Want your exboyfriend back in your arms again? The first step is to make him miss you. You do this by dropping off the face of his Earth, and removing yourself from his life completely. Does your ex call or Email? Does he text-message or Facebook you? Not anymore. It's time to get serious about reversing your break up by not being there for him. The moment your ex turns around to look in your direction and doesn't see you anywhere at all? That's the exact same moment he starts thinking about you again.
Your exboyfriend has a deep-seeded need to be loved and admired by you, even after the break up. Take that away from him, and suddenly he'll become hungry for it. He'll wonder why you're not interested anymore, and how come you stopped chasing him. In many cases, he'll even wonder if maybe you've found something or someone better. The sum of these fears will drive your ex to seek you out, call you, and try to get back in touch. But until you're willing to break down those lines of communication? He's going to keep on ignoring you as anything but a friend.
Of course there is. If, that is, you can put aside all your current emotions and really understand where your ex's head is at right now.
As tough as it's been for you to be dumped, there's one thing you need to realize about your boyfriend's side of things: he needs you just as much as you need him. The trick however, is that he needs you in different ways.
To clarify, let's go back to the moment your boyfriend broke up with you. Maybe you were blindsided here, maybe you weren't. One thing is for sure however: your boyfriend had plenty of time to ready himself for the break up. Since he knew about the end of the relationship well before you did, he had the advantage of preparing himself mentally and emotionally. He knew he wouldn't be seeing you anymore, and so he began cutting ties long before he sat you down to break up with you.
This type of advantage made it easier for him to let you go. Does your ex boyfriend still have emotional bonds and ties to you? Sure he does. But because he got to let go of you g-r-a-d-u-a-l-l-y, it was a lot easier for him to say goodbye. You on the other hand? The news came all at once, and you were expected to deal with it right then and there.
Now understand something else: just because your boyfriend broke up with you doesn't mean he didn't want to hear from you again. In fact, your ex relied on the fact that you'd try to save the relationship. Knowing you still love him, watching you chase after him... these are the things he not only expects but actually wants to see. It validates his decision. It makes him feel loved. It boosts his ego, and it also strengthens his resolve when it comes to the decision to break up with you.
Think about it. The more steps you take in your exboyfriend's direction, the more attention you give him... the stronger and stronger he gets. As you open up and pour your heart out to him, your ex boyfriend starts to feel pretty indestructible. You're building his confidence and stroking his ego, and at the same time you're making it easier for him to move on to finding another girlfriend. Everything you think is geared toward getting your ex boyfriend back is actually causing you to lose him.
In short, your ex prefers to detach from your relationship slowly and gradually. He doesn't want to be rushed. For this reason, it's nice to know you're still there. Knowing he can get you back anytime he wants is a nice little safety net that he currently has over you. Which is why, if you want your boyfriend back, you need to yank that net right out from under him.
Want your exboyfriend back in your arms again? The first step is to make him miss you. You do this by dropping off the face of his Earth, and removing yourself from his life completely. Does your ex call or Email? Does he text-message or Facebook you? Not anymore. It's time to get serious about reversing your break up by not being there for him. The moment your ex turns around to look in your direction and doesn't see you anywhere at all? That's the exact same moment he starts thinking about you again.
Your exboyfriend has a deep-seeded need to be loved and admired by you, even after the break up. Take that away from him, and suddenly he'll become hungry for it. He'll wonder why you're not interested anymore, and how come you stopped chasing him. In many cases, he'll even wonder if maybe you've found something or someone better. The sum of these fears will drive your ex to seek you out, call you, and try to get back in touch. But until you're willing to break down those lines of communication? He's going to keep on ignoring you as anything but a friend.
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