Recently, I have been coaching men in how to get over an ex girlfriend.
First of all, you need to learn when and how to take a break.
You need a recuperation period after any romantic entanglement.
I call this the recharge period, and it's vitally necessary for many reasons: - Your self-esteem is in the crapper.
That's why you feel the urgency to hurry up and get back out there and meet new girls.
You're running a dialog in your head (below your conscious awareness) that makes you believe that since you lost this relationship, you might not get another woman again EVER.
It's not true, man.
You did it once; you can do it again.
- You really miss her, and that's all the more reason not to rush out into another relationship.
You're right, if you had another girl, you wouldn't think of her.
Sure, you tell yourself you'd like to just go out and get laid, but the reality is that you will probably end up dating whoever you DO wind up sleeping with and thus turning her into rebound girl.
You'll realize you probably settled, and you'll start to feel smothered, and then you'll realize your mistake and wind up hurting some other poor girl.
Stop the mistake before it's made.
This need is created by your falsely lowered self-esteem telling you that you need a replacement girl.
What you need is DISTRACTION, not a substitute.
- You can't be a whole man until you learn how to live and be happy without a woman in your life.
Period.
Your recuperation starts here and now.
Engage your self-discipline and do the following: - Stop calling her.
Yeah, I know you're probably falling victim to that compulsive voice in the back of your head that wants to know 'Is she seeing other people? Do we still have a chance?' If you stay in contact with her you'll only wind up begging for her to reconsider, then tearful mementos at her doorstep, and further supplication on your part.
You'll wind up like one of the guys on "Scrubs," trading your balls for sex.
Every time you get the urge to call her, have a substitute activity that gives you an equal amount of pleasure, such as turning on the X-box (I call this X-therapy) or going out for a bike-ride.
Turn your pain into your gain.
- Take a few weeks off from women - COMPLETELY.
Don't give them a second thought.
Don't pressure yourself into picking up or throwing out lines or anything.
If you approach Lifeguard girl now, you'll probably blow it because of all this anxiety you've created for yourself.
Take a little while and get your game together.
When you ARE ready for Lifeguard girl, or any others, you need to approach her as if she were any other woman.
If you build her up to be some kind of Greek Goddess, you'll just be intimidated and spooked on your attempts to talk with her, and you'll also be very unattractive.
The cure? TEASE to PLEASE.
(My particular attraction building technique.
) Here's how it works: - Never introduce yourself with a compliment to any woman's physical appearance.
The good looking ones hear it all the time, and the less attractive will smell your game like month-old milk.
- Find something about her that you can tease.
If it's her hair color, maybe her roots are starting to come in: "Hi! You know, I was wondering if the two-tone look was coming back.
I was thinking of dying my roots blonde.
" And give a very obvious sly smile that says you're yanking her chain.
Her first response will be to be taken a little aback, but don't let that shake you up.
Her overall reaction (the one you can't see) is that she is going to feel attraction and interest for someone that is not coming on to her about her beauty.
She gets that all the time, I guarantee it.
You MUST be different.
Some might say that the tease above is crossing the line of being insulting, and that very well may be true.
Try to deliver whatever you say with a playful tone and a smile.
Make it as humorous as you can to take the edge off.
(This is the key.
) Teasing is perfect because it calls back to those days on the playground when you were pulling her pigtails and calling her "Pandy-Sandy! Your head is full of Can-deee!" Girls take this as a challenge to their self-image (as do men) and it evokes an interesting dynamic from them.
Try it and observe it.
Men who treat women like they're not attracted to them (i.
e.
, are not in a woozy, starry-eyed love spell) have MORE SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.
Watch any man who gets results and you'll see what I mean.
You have to risk a woman's wrath before you can get her fully engaged in you.
If she gets pissed and stalks off, she would have been a downer to hang around with anyway.
Can you imagine getting hooked into a miserable relationship with a woman totally lacking a Humor Gland? It boggles the mind, dude.
Shoot me now.
The problem most guys suffer from is NOT that they don't know what to say or do.
You're really suffering from a fear of REJECTION.
You could say just about ANYTHING to her and it will be better than saying NOTHING and beating your head about it later.
You doubt your own abilities.
Stop making women so important, and you'll start to lose this anxiety.
First of all, you need to learn when and how to take a break.
You need a recuperation period after any romantic entanglement.
I call this the recharge period, and it's vitally necessary for many reasons: - Your self-esteem is in the crapper.
That's why you feel the urgency to hurry up and get back out there and meet new girls.
You're running a dialog in your head (below your conscious awareness) that makes you believe that since you lost this relationship, you might not get another woman again EVER.
It's not true, man.
You did it once; you can do it again.
- You really miss her, and that's all the more reason not to rush out into another relationship.
You're right, if you had another girl, you wouldn't think of her.
Sure, you tell yourself you'd like to just go out and get laid, but the reality is that you will probably end up dating whoever you DO wind up sleeping with and thus turning her into rebound girl.
You'll realize you probably settled, and you'll start to feel smothered, and then you'll realize your mistake and wind up hurting some other poor girl.
Stop the mistake before it's made.
This need is created by your falsely lowered self-esteem telling you that you need a replacement girl.
What you need is DISTRACTION, not a substitute.
- You can't be a whole man until you learn how to live and be happy without a woman in your life.
Period.
Your recuperation starts here and now.
Engage your self-discipline and do the following: - Stop calling her.
Yeah, I know you're probably falling victim to that compulsive voice in the back of your head that wants to know 'Is she seeing other people? Do we still have a chance?' If you stay in contact with her you'll only wind up begging for her to reconsider, then tearful mementos at her doorstep, and further supplication on your part.
You'll wind up like one of the guys on "Scrubs," trading your balls for sex.
Every time you get the urge to call her, have a substitute activity that gives you an equal amount of pleasure, such as turning on the X-box (I call this X-therapy) or going out for a bike-ride.
Turn your pain into your gain.
- Take a few weeks off from women - COMPLETELY.
Don't give them a second thought.
Don't pressure yourself into picking up or throwing out lines or anything.
If you approach Lifeguard girl now, you'll probably blow it because of all this anxiety you've created for yourself.
Take a little while and get your game together.
When you ARE ready for Lifeguard girl, or any others, you need to approach her as if she were any other woman.
If you build her up to be some kind of Greek Goddess, you'll just be intimidated and spooked on your attempts to talk with her, and you'll also be very unattractive.
The cure? TEASE to PLEASE.
(My particular attraction building technique.
) Here's how it works: - Never introduce yourself with a compliment to any woman's physical appearance.
The good looking ones hear it all the time, and the less attractive will smell your game like month-old milk.
- Find something about her that you can tease.
If it's her hair color, maybe her roots are starting to come in: "Hi! You know, I was wondering if the two-tone look was coming back.
I was thinking of dying my roots blonde.
" And give a very obvious sly smile that says you're yanking her chain.
Her first response will be to be taken a little aback, but don't let that shake you up.
Her overall reaction (the one you can't see) is that she is going to feel attraction and interest for someone that is not coming on to her about her beauty.
She gets that all the time, I guarantee it.
You MUST be different.
Some might say that the tease above is crossing the line of being insulting, and that very well may be true.
Try to deliver whatever you say with a playful tone and a smile.
Make it as humorous as you can to take the edge off.
(This is the key.
) Teasing is perfect because it calls back to those days on the playground when you were pulling her pigtails and calling her "Pandy-Sandy! Your head is full of Can-deee!" Girls take this as a challenge to their self-image (as do men) and it evokes an interesting dynamic from them.
Try it and observe it.
Men who treat women like they're not attracted to them (i.
e.
, are not in a woozy, starry-eyed love spell) have MORE SUCCESS WITH WOMEN.
Watch any man who gets results and you'll see what I mean.
You have to risk a woman's wrath before you can get her fully engaged in you.
If she gets pissed and stalks off, she would have been a downer to hang around with anyway.
Can you imagine getting hooked into a miserable relationship with a woman totally lacking a Humor Gland? It boggles the mind, dude.
Shoot me now.
The problem most guys suffer from is NOT that they don't know what to say or do.
You're really suffering from a fear of REJECTION.
You could say just about ANYTHING to her and it will be better than saying NOTHING and beating your head about it later.
You doubt your own abilities.
Stop making women so important, and you'll start to lose this anxiety.
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