Living symbiotically isn't just for species or animals.
In the human realm, independents, parasites and other types all abound in the workplace, on the streets, and in everyday life.
Clashing of personalities is an understatement considering this vast array of mix, match or mismatched likes and dislikes of people.
Especially when you are going to live--really live--with someone you don't know much, or worse, a complete stranger.
It is basically the same for everyone.
Whether you are an incoming freshman living in a dormitory, a graduate wanting to live nearer to work place, or simply someone struggling to be independent, live separately, and get a roommate to cut cost--there is someone you must face everyday and get used to.
The truth is, that person may come from a totally different background and upbringing.
That person may or may not get along with you and this could undeniably affect your life.
Are you ready for the challenge? But before you begin trying so hard to get along with the person, or on the other hand, throwing out your frustrations and rants about your roommate, here are five tips on how to "adapt" to each other smoothly and naturally.
1.
Clarify your expectations as early as possible.
Un-"declared" and unmet expectations result to disappointment, which then results to frustration, which in turn produces hostility, and continues on to develop into resentment.
If you don't want to be caught up in this negative chain of events, you and roommate must at first clear things out and lay your terms about living with each other.
Tell your roommate in a direct yet tactful manner if you don't want your personal life to be "asked about".
In the same way, if your roommate expects you not to bring your lover to the room, then do your best to do something about it.
Often, expectations are not met.
You are not obliged to meet expectations from your roommate and it is also the same for him/her, as both of you have unique individualities.
However, it is through confirmation and clarification that these expectations can be made into reality.
It's all about compromise.
2.
R is for RESPECT.
This can mean a whole lot of things.
However, the essence of the word "respect" is consideration.
It is about thinking beyond yourself.
In western thought, "What goes around, comes around.
" In eastern proverbs, "Don't do to others what you do not want other do to you.
" Both boil down to telling us that respect is the key ingredient to any harmonious human relationship.
Both you and your roommate may come from different educational, social or cultural backgrounds.
You may even have different religions.
Showing respect can be shown through small things like not laughing when you find his/her way of worshipping and praying is weird, not holding a gathering with your friends at home especially if he/she has a 7-o' clock-Chemistry exam the next day or by simply asking how was his/her day.
Individual likes such as music, movies, hobbies, and also colors of doormats are better off if settled properly.
Bigger issues such as space, privacy and respect for "territory" must also be ironed out.
These can be done through communication, which will be possible if you have respect, first and foremost, for each other.
Most of all, respect is also due to each other's families and friends.
3.
Delegate and share responsibilities and stick to it.
It wouldn't hurt if you will have a written contract or agreement when it comes to your duties and responsibilities.
There is nothing more concrete than a written one.
Don't get it wrong, it doesn't mean that you don't trust the opposite party, it just means that both signatories are mature enough to honor their words and abide by them.
Be it housecleaning, cooking, laundry, or everyday chores, it will be better to establish a set of rules that you both will agree upon.
Be sure to have some rules about the use of things, alcohol, food, electricity, and others.
Financial obligations that include rent, utilities, repairs and household necessities are a major element of this shared responsibility.
Organizing and scheduling are two ways to accomplish this.
Agree as to when and who can have access for a particular household place or object, and also arrange some sharing to promote cooperation.
4.
If there are problems, you've got to talk.
If your roommate's habit of watching the TV while you are studying greatly bothers you, then speak up.
Do not wait for weeks and months before you talk with your roommate about any problems you may have with him/her, because if you do, then this problem will escalate to an even bigger one.
Approach your roommate and open up the topic you would want to discuss.
Make your points clear but not offensive to the other person.
Take things smoothly and try not to blame things on your roommate.
Settling things through talk gives both of you the chance to hear the reasons behind the actions of your roommate.
This way, you don't judge them easily and prevent hasty actions.
Should there be problems you both cannot settle on your own, then ask for help from a third party.
Problems need to be dealt while it is still small or else, it can be blown out of proportions and become conflict.
5.
Keep busy and tilt focus away.
The more you think about it, the worse the scenario will be.
Indeed, an idle man is a devil's workshop.
Living with someone does not mean a limitation or boundary of what you can do.
Continue doing what you are doing and divert your attention from household to your job or studies.
If you don't do anything or focus on other things more important, you may overemphasize the problem and cause it to be deeper.
Sometimes, minor conflicts are better if you let it pass by.
However, it is not to say you should ignore small problems, instead let time cool it naturally.
Furthermore, continue developing your social circle and outside friends.
It will be good if you can confide to your roommate since you are the ones who often see each other and do everyday things together.
However, if he/she is not the type you feel comfortable confide to, have other friends whom you can approach or go out with.
People say that living with someone such as roommates is a great training ground and indicator of marriage success, except that it's another person and with a different personality too.
This means that if we can handle living with other people then the capability of thinking beyond ourselves is all the more enhanced and perhaps becomes the core of our relationships with other people.
Living with a roommate requires responsibility, respect and communication from the persons concerned.
Thus, having a roommate not only entails the chance to get to know a new person with a new personality, but also presents the opportunity to us of further learning about ourselves and valuing our beliefs.
Occasionally, problems may arise, but taking these into consideration can make roommate relationship a fulfilling learning process and turn it into a lifelong friendship!
In the human realm, independents, parasites and other types all abound in the workplace, on the streets, and in everyday life.
Clashing of personalities is an understatement considering this vast array of mix, match or mismatched likes and dislikes of people.
Especially when you are going to live--really live--with someone you don't know much, or worse, a complete stranger.
It is basically the same for everyone.
Whether you are an incoming freshman living in a dormitory, a graduate wanting to live nearer to work place, or simply someone struggling to be independent, live separately, and get a roommate to cut cost--there is someone you must face everyday and get used to.
The truth is, that person may come from a totally different background and upbringing.
That person may or may not get along with you and this could undeniably affect your life.
Are you ready for the challenge? But before you begin trying so hard to get along with the person, or on the other hand, throwing out your frustrations and rants about your roommate, here are five tips on how to "adapt" to each other smoothly and naturally.
1.
Clarify your expectations as early as possible.
Un-"declared" and unmet expectations result to disappointment, which then results to frustration, which in turn produces hostility, and continues on to develop into resentment.
If you don't want to be caught up in this negative chain of events, you and roommate must at first clear things out and lay your terms about living with each other.
Tell your roommate in a direct yet tactful manner if you don't want your personal life to be "asked about".
In the same way, if your roommate expects you not to bring your lover to the room, then do your best to do something about it.
Often, expectations are not met.
You are not obliged to meet expectations from your roommate and it is also the same for him/her, as both of you have unique individualities.
However, it is through confirmation and clarification that these expectations can be made into reality.
It's all about compromise.
2.
R is for RESPECT.
This can mean a whole lot of things.
However, the essence of the word "respect" is consideration.
It is about thinking beyond yourself.
In western thought, "What goes around, comes around.
" In eastern proverbs, "Don't do to others what you do not want other do to you.
" Both boil down to telling us that respect is the key ingredient to any harmonious human relationship.
Both you and your roommate may come from different educational, social or cultural backgrounds.
You may even have different religions.
Showing respect can be shown through small things like not laughing when you find his/her way of worshipping and praying is weird, not holding a gathering with your friends at home especially if he/she has a 7-o' clock-Chemistry exam the next day or by simply asking how was his/her day.
Individual likes such as music, movies, hobbies, and also colors of doormats are better off if settled properly.
Bigger issues such as space, privacy and respect for "territory" must also be ironed out.
These can be done through communication, which will be possible if you have respect, first and foremost, for each other.
Most of all, respect is also due to each other's families and friends.
3.
Delegate and share responsibilities and stick to it.
It wouldn't hurt if you will have a written contract or agreement when it comes to your duties and responsibilities.
There is nothing more concrete than a written one.
Don't get it wrong, it doesn't mean that you don't trust the opposite party, it just means that both signatories are mature enough to honor their words and abide by them.
Be it housecleaning, cooking, laundry, or everyday chores, it will be better to establish a set of rules that you both will agree upon.
Be sure to have some rules about the use of things, alcohol, food, electricity, and others.
Financial obligations that include rent, utilities, repairs and household necessities are a major element of this shared responsibility.
Organizing and scheduling are two ways to accomplish this.
Agree as to when and who can have access for a particular household place or object, and also arrange some sharing to promote cooperation.
4.
If there are problems, you've got to talk.
If your roommate's habit of watching the TV while you are studying greatly bothers you, then speak up.
Do not wait for weeks and months before you talk with your roommate about any problems you may have with him/her, because if you do, then this problem will escalate to an even bigger one.
Approach your roommate and open up the topic you would want to discuss.
Make your points clear but not offensive to the other person.
Take things smoothly and try not to blame things on your roommate.
Settling things through talk gives both of you the chance to hear the reasons behind the actions of your roommate.
This way, you don't judge them easily and prevent hasty actions.
Should there be problems you both cannot settle on your own, then ask for help from a third party.
Problems need to be dealt while it is still small or else, it can be blown out of proportions and become conflict.
5.
Keep busy and tilt focus away.
The more you think about it, the worse the scenario will be.
Indeed, an idle man is a devil's workshop.
Living with someone does not mean a limitation or boundary of what you can do.
Continue doing what you are doing and divert your attention from household to your job or studies.
If you don't do anything or focus on other things more important, you may overemphasize the problem and cause it to be deeper.
Sometimes, minor conflicts are better if you let it pass by.
However, it is not to say you should ignore small problems, instead let time cool it naturally.
Furthermore, continue developing your social circle and outside friends.
It will be good if you can confide to your roommate since you are the ones who often see each other and do everyday things together.
However, if he/she is not the type you feel comfortable confide to, have other friends whom you can approach or go out with.
People say that living with someone such as roommates is a great training ground and indicator of marriage success, except that it's another person and with a different personality too.
This means that if we can handle living with other people then the capability of thinking beyond ourselves is all the more enhanced and perhaps becomes the core of our relationships with other people.
Living with a roommate requires responsibility, respect and communication from the persons concerned.
Thus, having a roommate not only entails the chance to get to know a new person with a new personality, but also presents the opportunity to us of further learning about ourselves and valuing our beliefs.
Occasionally, problems may arise, but taking these into consideration can make roommate relationship a fulfilling learning process and turn it into a lifelong friendship!
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