Anger is a natural emotion that we experience when we perceive that we are being attacked or threatened in some way.
Like all emotions, we feel a physical response to it in our body.
Adrenaline starts to flow and our heart rate increases, our blood pressure rises quickly and we may feel sick to our stomach as our body tries to control itself.
Sometimes, just thinking of a situation that angers us will cause these physical responses.
Although anger is a natural emotion, some people get into the habit of flying into a rage at the least problem and have not yet learned how to manage and control their anger.
We all have read of cases where domestic abuse, road rage, workplace violence and addictions often go hand in hand with poor anger management.
Within the person who frequently gets angry, we see chronic headaches, sleep problems, stomach problems depression and even heart attack.
Anger is usually triggered by something, such as being cut off in traffic or by something that is said or done to us that we perceive as a slight.
Sometimes it is something that causes us to feel embarrassed, disrespected or humiliated and the pain of these perceptions over ride logic and we are ready to lash out and act on our anger triggers.
If we have poor anger management skills, we can take offence at completely innocent remarks, a look or a gesture and it can lead us into extreme consequences.
The famous saying that when we choose the behavior, we choose the consequences of that behavior is very true.
Anger can be expressed or suppressed.
Expressing that you feel angry in a non threatening way is healthy.
If we continually suppress our anger, it can often lead to depression.
We may feel that our anger is under control but it doesn't solve the problem that made us feel angry and it can be a dangerous type of anger management.
We may experience mental and physical health problems because we feel that we have not been heard.
Anger needs to be expressed but aggressive displays and violent eruptions of anger will hurt us socially.
Who wants to be around a powder keg that could explode any minute, or walk on egg shells around someone incase they say or do the wrong thing that will act as an anger trigger? The goal of anger management is to find safe and healthy ways to express anger and the first step is to define our triggers.
It's a good idea to keep a note pad and pencil with us at all times so that we can write down what triggers us to anger throughout the day.
Write down what takes you from being simply annoyed into full blown anger.
What started you simmering and when did you boil over? It's also good to write down what effects your anger flare ups have had on the people around you.
Do your children cower in fear, has your spouse lost respect for you, have you lost friends and employment suddenly? Does your dog whimper when he sees you coming? Indeed, do people cross the road when they see you coming because you have developed the reputation of being a person who is too unpredictable to be trusted? How does that make you feel when you see these reactions to your anger? If it gives you a buzz of some kind, you need to understand that you require help.
It is not a normal desire to have people fear us and you need to discover why you feel the need for this.
Perhaps you were bullied at school or feel inadequate in some way? How can you start the day in a calm and pleasant way? Get rid of any loud and nasty alarm clocks and change instead to one that wakes you to soft music or energizing music, if that's what you prefer.
If you have to wake up on dark mornings, consider the purchase of a light box and put it on a timer to give you at least fifteen minutes of sunlight before you get out of bed.
You can make one cheaply with full spectrum lights from the hardware store.
They must be full spectrum though.
People who suffer with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) use these lights to aid in combating depression and sluggishness.
When you wake up, do you have a hangover from the night before or are you angry because you haven't had your first cigarette or coffee? You can cut back or give up these habits that weaken your body and mind.
You wouldn't expect your dog to start the day with a coffee, cigarette and a donut, so why should you? Many people do not drink enough water or fluids and become dehydrated.
This can give you a morning headache.
It's a good idea to keep water by your bed or juice, if you prefer.
Always eat a healthy breakfast, even if it's just a fruit smoothie with a liquid vitamin in it.
If you are awoken by noise in the early morning, such as from traffic or barking dogs, talk to those involved and try and find a compromise.
Buy a good set of ear plugs if you need to, but you'll have to turn the music alarm up a bit.
The idea here is to start the day well and in a calm mood.
Change what has to be changed for that to happen.
You can not always change what others do but you can change your reaction to it.
Have you heard of the Serenity prayer that the twelve step programs use? It says " God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the thingsI can and the wisdom to know the difference" You can change what is within your power.
Regardless of who or what is pushing your buttons, you do not have to react with displays of anger and rage.
Let's face it, if your anger is affecting your cherished relationships, your employment, your health or your freedom, you are going to have to make changes.
If you have certain things that always make you angry, how do you react to them? Are you a kicker, puncher, thrower of objects or do you curse, slam doors, hurt your animals, get into fist fights or hurl verbal abuse and put downs? This is just not acceptable.
Better to use your brain to seek out anger management techniques that allow you and others to not have to fear you.
Brooding on past or recent experiences that lead you to obsess on them does nobody any good.
I'd like to share with you some better ways to handle your anger triggers and lead you to a happier and quieter life.
When you feel the physical signs of anger coming up through your body, take yourself out of the situation.
Go outside for a breath of fresh air, take a stroll to the store, go running, air box, yell or have what would be considered a temper tantrum in a child.
Smash old plates that you have bought from a junk store, buy a boxing punch bag.
All of these things will help to cool down the anger feelings and get rid of the adrenaline that is fueling them on.
Find a place that you can do these things but make sure it is a place where you can do it alone and where you will not harm yourself or anybody else.
Perhaps you could take up a sport that will give an outlet for adrenaline but also teach how to master your anger, such as Tae Kwon Do or Karate? Sometimes, you have to put your expression of anger on hold.
We all do if we want to have a happy life.
It is not that anger is bad, it's all in how we express it...
and I don't mean that it's alright to express it with hidden daggers, sarcasm or verbal put downs.
I'm talking about telling a person who had triggered your anger response that what they did or said has made you feel angry and that when you are feeling calmer, you would like to discuss it with them.
They may immediately offer a sincere apology and I urge you to accept it.
Many perceived slights were not intended at all.
In this modern technology age,emails that seem threatening would not be at all if the same words were expressed face to face.
Please allow for other's weaknesses as they allow for yours.
If you are a reactor...
sometimes a nuclear reactor...
you need to work on becoming a responder.
Reacting is a learned and impulsive behavior, while responding gives you the freedom to look at various options and solutions to the problem.
The old adage of counting to one hundred and if really angry, counting to one thousand is still good advice.
Many people who will now live out the rest of their lives in jail wish they had counted to one million, rather than reacting to what triggered their anger! Don't let that happen to you.
The use of humor is also a good way to diffuse anger.
Why not picture the person who is triggering your anger in a ridiculous situation, such as taking a bath in a bathtub high in a tree, with a big black crow washing the person's back? Perhaps picture them in a clown's outfit at the circus selling peanuts to orangutans in the audience? If you use this tool, you are always in control of the situation as, no matter what the person says or does, they do not realize how you are imagining them at that moment.
That is for your enjoyment and it can lessen the sting of what is being said to you.
We are not machines, we are living, breathing people in need of nurture.
Take care of your self.
Eat a healthy diet, get plenty of sleep, fresh air, exercise and uplifting enjoyment.
Don't fool yourself into thinking advice from the past is not applicable now.
The body will always have these needs.
Treat yourself to quiet time, even if you have children.
You can all be in the same room, but all doing quiet things individually.
You will be teaching your children how important quiet time is for everyone.
Teaching healthy and appropriate anger management techniques to your children in their early years will save you much heartache later on and you need to be their best example.
If you continually bring your work home, ask yourself why and find solutions to that problem.
Hire a life coach to help you find solutions to your problems and help you open up new ways of thinking and looking at your anger management.
Perhaps you are operating under outdated beliefs or faulty thinking that don't serve you well now.
Try not to dwell on past slights and experiences that have caused you to feel disrespected, embarrassed, helpless or bullied, unless you are doing it to find understanding and solutions.
You may well be right to feel anger at what has been said or done to you, but move on to new options of dealing with it that don't involve uncontrolled anger and rage.
You are putting your health in danger if you consistently use anger and rage to solve your problems.
If your children, spouse or pet cower in your presence, what is the point of that? If they run away from you, think how much better you would feel as you see them running towards you with the sheer delight of seeing you! You can learn to be a responder and not a reactor.
Don't be ashamed if you need anger management classes.
Everyone there wants the same outcome as you do...
to end the continual negative reaction to their anger triggers and move on to a much happier life.
To your success! June Steed
Like all emotions, we feel a physical response to it in our body.
Adrenaline starts to flow and our heart rate increases, our blood pressure rises quickly and we may feel sick to our stomach as our body tries to control itself.
Sometimes, just thinking of a situation that angers us will cause these physical responses.
Although anger is a natural emotion, some people get into the habit of flying into a rage at the least problem and have not yet learned how to manage and control their anger.
We all have read of cases where domestic abuse, road rage, workplace violence and addictions often go hand in hand with poor anger management.
Within the person who frequently gets angry, we see chronic headaches, sleep problems, stomach problems depression and even heart attack.
Anger is usually triggered by something, such as being cut off in traffic or by something that is said or done to us that we perceive as a slight.
Sometimes it is something that causes us to feel embarrassed, disrespected or humiliated and the pain of these perceptions over ride logic and we are ready to lash out and act on our anger triggers.
If we have poor anger management skills, we can take offence at completely innocent remarks, a look or a gesture and it can lead us into extreme consequences.
The famous saying that when we choose the behavior, we choose the consequences of that behavior is very true.
Anger can be expressed or suppressed.
Expressing that you feel angry in a non threatening way is healthy.
If we continually suppress our anger, it can often lead to depression.
We may feel that our anger is under control but it doesn't solve the problem that made us feel angry and it can be a dangerous type of anger management.
We may experience mental and physical health problems because we feel that we have not been heard.
Anger needs to be expressed but aggressive displays and violent eruptions of anger will hurt us socially.
Who wants to be around a powder keg that could explode any minute, or walk on egg shells around someone incase they say or do the wrong thing that will act as an anger trigger? The goal of anger management is to find safe and healthy ways to express anger and the first step is to define our triggers.
It's a good idea to keep a note pad and pencil with us at all times so that we can write down what triggers us to anger throughout the day.
Write down what takes you from being simply annoyed into full blown anger.
What started you simmering and when did you boil over? It's also good to write down what effects your anger flare ups have had on the people around you.
Do your children cower in fear, has your spouse lost respect for you, have you lost friends and employment suddenly? Does your dog whimper when he sees you coming? Indeed, do people cross the road when they see you coming because you have developed the reputation of being a person who is too unpredictable to be trusted? How does that make you feel when you see these reactions to your anger? If it gives you a buzz of some kind, you need to understand that you require help.
It is not a normal desire to have people fear us and you need to discover why you feel the need for this.
Perhaps you were bullied at school or feel inadequate in some way? How can you start the day in a calm and pleasant way? Get rid of any loud and nasty alarm clocks and change instead to one that wakes you to soft music or energizing music, if that's what you prefer.
If you have to wake up on dark mornings, consider the purchase of a light box and put it on a timer to give you at least fifteen minutes of sunlight before you get out of bed.
You can make one cheaply with full spectrum lights from the hardware store.
They must be full spectrum though.
People who suffer with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) use these lights to aid in combating depression and sluggishness.
When you wake up, do you have a hangover from the night before or are you angry because you haven't had your first cigarette or coffee? You can cut back or give up these habits that weaken your body and mind.
You wouldn't expect your dog to start the day with a coffee, cigarette and a donut, so why should you? Many people do not drink enough water or fluids and become dehydrated.
This can give you a morning headache.
It's a good idea to keep water by your bed or juice, if you prefer.
Always eat a healthy breakfast, even if it's just a fruit smoothie with a liquid vitamin in it.
If you are awoken by noise in the early morning, such as from traffic or barking dogs, talk to those involved and try and find a compromise.
Buy a good set of ear plugs if you need to, but you'll have to turn the music alarm up a bit.
The idea here is to start the day well and in a calm mood.
Change what has to be changed for that to happen.
You can not always change what others do but you can change your reaction to it.
Have you heard of the Serenity prayer that the twelve step programs use? It says " God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, courage to change the thingsI can and the wisdom to know the difference" You can change what is within your power.
Regardless of who or what is pushing your buttons, you do not have to react with displays of anger and rage.
Let's face it, if your anger is affecting your cherished relationships, your employment, your health or your freedom, you are going to have to make changes.
If you have certain things that always make you angry, how do you react to them? Are you a kicker, puncher, thrower of objects or do you curse, slam doors, hurt your animals, get into fist fights or hurl verbal abuse and put downs? This is just not acceptable.
Better to use your brain to seek out anger management techniques that allow you and others to not have to fear you.
Brooding on past or recent experiences that lead you to obsess on them does nobody any good.
I'd like to share with you some better ways to handle your anger triggers and lead you to a happier and quieter life.
When you feel the physical signs of anger coming up through your body, take yourself out of the situation.
Go outside for a breath of fresh air, take a stroll to the store, go running, air box, yell or have what would be considered a temper tantrum in a child.
Smash old plates that you have bought from a junk store, buy a boxing punch bag.
All of these things will help to cool down the anger feelings and get rid of the adrenaline that is fueling them on.
Find a place that you can do these things but make sure it is a place where you can do it alone and where you will not harm yourself or anybody else.
Perhaps you could take up a sport that will give an outlet for adrenaline but also teach how to master your anger, such as Tae Kwon Do or Karate? Sometimes, you have to put your expression of anger on hold.
We all do if we want to have a happy life.
It is not that anger is bad, it's all in how we express it...
and I don't mean that it's alright to express it with hidden daggers, sarcasm or verbal put downs.
I'm talking about telling a person who had triggered your anger response that what they did or said has made you feel angry and that when you are feeling calmer, you would like to discuss it with them.
They may immediately offer a sincere apology and I urge you to accept it.
Many perceived slights were not intended at all.
In this modern technology age,emails that seem threatening would not be at all if the same words were expressed face to face.
Please allow for other's weaknesses as they allow for yours.
If you are a reactor...
sometimes a nuclear reactor...
you need to work on becoming a responder.
Reacting is a learned and impulsive behavior, while responding gives you the freedom to look at various options and solutions to the problem.
The old adage of counting to one hundred and if really angry, counting to one thousand is still good advice.
Many people who will now live out the rest of their lives in jail wish they had counted to one million, rather than reacting to what triggered their anger! Don't let that happen to you.
The use of humor is also a good way to diffuse anger.
Why not picture the person who is triggering your anger in a ridiculous situation, such as taking a bath in a bathtub high in a tree, with a big black crow washing the person's back? Perhaps picture them in a clown's outfit at the circus selling peanuts to orangutans in the audience? If you use this tool, you are always in control of the situation as, no matter what the person says or does, they do not realize how you are imagining them at that moment.
That is for your enjoyment and it can lessen the sting of what is being said to you.
We are not machines, we are living, breathing people in need of nurture.
Take care of your self.
Eat a healthy diet, get plenty of sleep, fresh air, exercise and uplifting enjoyment.
Don't fool yourself into thinking advice from the past is not applicable now.
The body will always have these needs.
Treat yourself to quiet time, even if you have children.
You can all be in the same room, but all doing quiet things individually.
You will be teaching your children how important quiet time is for everyone.
Teaching healthy and appropriate anger management techniques to your children in their early years will save you much heartache later on and you need to be their best example.
If you continually bring your work home, ask yourself why and find solutions to that problem.
Hire a life coach to help you find solutions to your problems and help you open up new ways of thinking and looking at your anger management.
Perhaps you are operating under outdated beliefs or faulty thinking that don't serve you well now.
Try not to dwell on past slights and experiences that have caused you to feel disrespected, embarrassed, helpless or bullied, unless you are doing it to find understanding and solutions.
You may well be right to feel anger at what has been said or done to you, but move on to new options of dealing with it that don't involve uncontrolled anger and rage.
You are putting your health in danger if you consistently use anger and rage to solve your problems.
If your children, spouse or pet cower in your presence, what is the point of that? If they run away from you, think how much better you would feel as you see them running towards you with the sheer delight of seeing you! You can learn to be a responder and not a reactor.
Don't be ashamed if you need anger management classes.
Everyone there wants the same outcome as you do...
to end the continual negative reaction to their anger triggers and move on to a much happier life.
To your success! June Steed
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