It takes more than a sexy dress, a trim body and some carefully selected words of flattery to hook the man of your dreams.
After all, if it were that easy there would be no need for copious amounts of discussion on the topic.
Everyone would be with their dream partners and the dating site would never have been invented! Plenty of people meet daily in bars, online, at work or through playing sport thinking they have met the "one", only to be disappointed a few dates down the track when they realise it is just not working.
So where should you start to give yourself the best chance of meeting the man of your dreams? Easy, let's try starting with YOU! In my opinion, for someone to be truly happy they must first clearly understand exactly who they are and what it is they would like to achieve in life.
They must be able to reach equilibrium with their expectations and their reality.
It may seem a bit daunting trying to answer a question as broad as 'who am I and what do I want to do' in one hit, however the key to success lies in your ability to ask yourself these questions and be honest and at peace with the answers.
Self assessment is an important skill to have if one is to evolve as a person and succeed in a relationship.
My advice for answering such philosophical questions is firstly; try not to answer them in a single go and accept that there may not only be one answer.
It would be crazy to think you could define your reason for being in 50 words or less on the train ride to work.
It takes time to search your soul, looking back at your past and forward at your future, with the understanding that the person you are today is largely due to your life experiences along the way.
Such experiences have great potential to shape the future decisions you make about what lies ahead on your path to happiness.
Including the type of man you may wish to pursue a long-term relationship with.
Through my observations to date I have noticed that people tend to focus on the negative aspects of their life and overlook or take the positive things for granted all to often.
I rationalise this behaviour by explaining that it takes more energy to worry about the stressful or risky influences in one's life than it does to celebrate the good things, so naturally our body's defence mechanisms focus on ensuring physiological resources in the form of thoughts, energy, emotions, feelings and actions are applied to mitigating a person's vulnerability, threat and risk.
This reaction works well and allows us to live our lives in coexistence with our fellow humans ensuring we prioritize our actions to survive in our busy day-to-day lives, without coming to harm.
But what about the good stuff? How can we leverage the feelings yielded from those experiences into improving our emotional wellbeing and outlook on life? Let me explain.
Like I said, it is easy to worry about everything that is not working well for you in your life and forget about the things that are going well, but be warned; negative feelings will influence your disposition, which comes across in your personality and influences the way others perceive you, which intern affects your relationship circumstances.
You will gain more mileage from leveraging positive energy and emotion into your daily routine, which will intern supercharge your personality and make you more attractive to members of the opposite sex.
So how do you master the art of leveraging positive energy and thinking into your normal daily life on a regular basis, whilst blocking out all the negative stuff? I'm sure we have all met that person (man or woman) who we are strangely attracted to, yet can't really explain why? Happy, funny, friendly personality with a positive outlook on life; not a negative word to say about themselves or anyone else.
They seem to have certain way about them, you know the type.
Have you noticed how people seem to be just drawn to them? Well guess what, that person can be you and me! All it takes is some time to focus your thoughts and find out what really makes you tick though the completion of some light self assessment activities and a solid plan for moving forward.
You will be amazed at how your circumstances will change for the better with some extra confidence, coupled with some positive reinforcement.
Do me a favour (and I mean really do it), set aside 30 minutes tonight just before you go to bed write down all the strengths and/or positive things you see in yourself on a piece of paper with 5 columns titled A, B, C, D & E.
You need to come up with at least 10 points in Column A that you absolutely love about yourself and wouldn't change for all the tea in China.
Some examples may be your caring nature, intelligence, smile, personality, self-discipline, courage, tenacity, dedication, thoughtfulness, selflessness, sensuality, generosity, love for your family and friends etc, etc.
Don't hold back either, as no one other than you will ever see what you have written.
In Column B, I want you to pen at least 10 things you feel are going fantastic in your life.
This may include, but not be limited to work, study, friends, religion, family, fitness, finances, your pet, social life, memberships, sport and recreation activities etc, etc.
Hint: these are the things you can't do without! In Column C, I'd like you to identify 10 activities of interest to you, that you may, or may not already be doing, such as: reading, exercising, cooking or going out to dinner, eating chocolate, playing tennis or some other sport, swimming, walks on the beach, movies, bike riding, music, retail shopping, driving your new car etc.
The list goes on! Remembering that we are all human and no one is perfect, the next thing we need to do is identify 5 things you would like to improve about yourself.
It's important to be honest with yourself and to view this as an opportunity, without being too critical.
For example, when I did this I said to myself that I need to be more assertive in the conversations I was having with my boss at work.
I swore I would stop lending or giving cash to my friends who weren't genuinely out there trying to earn their own living.
At work I wasn't prepared to continue carrying the workload of others at the expense of my own time and energy.
I wanted to improve my level of personal fitness and diet, and lastly I wanted to do more "fun" things on a regular basis! Its not rocket science.
Lastly, I want you to write down some things you would like to achieve over a set period of time.
Kind of like a goal setting exercise, ensuring you keep it real and assign a realistic time frame for each goal.
Let's call them horizon one, two and three goals? One being the stuff you want to achieve within 6 months; two being the things you would like to accomplish over 12 months; and three being the goals that are out there 5 years from now.
Guess what? You are now self empowered and armed with the power of positive thought! You have a clear understanding of who you are, what you enjoy, your personal interests and what you would like to grow or improve about yourself to step it up a notch or two.
You have a clear vision for your short to medium term future, complete with a set of goals and dates as to when all of this might happen.
The good part about all this is that you now know where your bus is headed, so you can make more informed decisions about who you want to share the journey with.
To top it all off, you will become more and more self confident as you accomplish your goals, which will intern make you more attractive to members of the other sex.
Women will want to be you - whilst men will want to be with you! There is nothing more sexy than a confident, self empowered woman! Let me just close by putting all of the above in context.
Men are attracted to confident ladies who display strength of character, without coming across too hard or cold in demeanour.
It gives a man confidence that he can rely on a lady for strength and support if times get tough.
Knowing who you are and where you are going will allow men to gauge an understanding of the partnership opportunity that presents in forming a relationship with you.
Above all, you must always exhibit the utmost respect for yourself at all times.
As if you don't, how can you expect anyone else to? So don't stress, there's no set procedure for doing this.
It will all fall into place by simply trusting in the good things you like about yourself and celebrating all that is going well for you.
Be assured that if you genuinely do so, guys will notice and want to be a part of it.
Allocate time to regularly doing the things you really enjoy with the people you love doing them with.
You will become more independent, positively charged and everything will get easier and begin to flow through living life to please you as opposed to other people.
Seek out people with common interests, you never know who you might meet walking the dog down at the park, if you take the opportunity to smile and say hi! Know your limitations whilst playing to your strengths.
Lastly, remember to be yourself and have fun doing what it is you do.
After all, meeting cool people is fun, right? So why not go out and have some! You will be amazed at how far some self confidence and a positive attitude will take you in life.
"The mind is everything.
What you think, you become" Buddha.
After all, if it were that easy there would be no need for copious amounts of discussion on the topic.
Everyone would be with their dream partners and the dating site would never have been invented! Plenty of people meet daily in bars, online, at work or through playing sport thinking they have met the "one", only to be disappointed a few dates down the track when they realise it is just not working.
So where should you start to give yourself the best chance of meeting the man of your dreams? Easy, let's try starting with YOU! In my opinion, for someone to be truly happy they must first clearly understand exactly who they are and what it is they would like to achieve in life.
They must be able to reach equilibrium with their expectations and their reality.
It may seem a bit daunting trying to answer a question as broad as 'who am I and what do I want to do' in one hit, however the key to success lies in your ability to ask yourself these questions and be honest and at peace with the answers.
Self assessment is an important skill to have if one is to evolve as a person and succeed in a relationship.
My advice for answering such philosophical questions is firstly; try not to answer them in a single go and accept that there may not only be one answer.
It would be crazy to think you could define your reason for being in 50 words or less on the train ride to work.
It takes time to search your soul, looking back at your past and forward at your future, with the understanding that the person you are today is largely due to your life experiences along the way.
Such experiences have great potential to shape the future decisions you make about what lies ahead on your path to happiness.
Including the type of man you may wish to pursue a long-term relationship with.
Through my observations to date I have noticed that people tend to focus on the negative aspects of their life and overlook or take the positive things for granted all to often.
I rationalise this behaviour by explaining that it takes more energy to worry about the stressful or risky influences in one's life than it does to celebrate the good things, so naturally our body's defence mechanisms focus on ensuring physiological resources in the form of thoughts, energy, emotions, feelings and actions are applied to mitigating a person's vulnerability, threat and risk.
This reaction works well and allows us to live our lives in coexistence with our fellow humans ensuring we prioritize our actions to survive in our busy day-to-day lives, without coming to harm.
But what about the good stuff? How can we leverage the feelings yielded from those experiences into improving our emotional wellbeing and outlook on life? Let me explain.
Like I said, it is easy to worry about everything that is not working well for you in your life and forget about the things that are going well, but be warned; negative feelings will influence your disposition, which comes across in your personality and influences the way others perceive you, which intern affects your relationship circumstances.
You will gain more mileage from leveraging positive energy and emotion into your daily routine, which will intern supercharge your personality and make you more attractive to members of the opposite sex.
So how do you master the art of leveraging positive energy and thinking into your normal daily life on a regular basis, whilst blocking out all the negative stuff? I'm sure we have all met that person (man or woman) who we are strangely attracted to, yet can't really explain why? Happy, funny, friendly personality with a positive outlook on life; not a negative word to say about themselves or anyone else.
They seem to have certain way about them, you know the type.
Have you noticed how people seem to be just drawn to them? Well guess what, that person can be you and me! All it takes is some time to focus your thoughts and find out what really makes you tick though the completion of some light self assessment activities and a solid plan for moving forward.
You will be amazed at how your circumstances will change for the better with some extra confidence, coupled with some positive reinforcement.
Do me a favour (and I mean really do it), set aside 30 minutes tonight just before you go to bed write down all the strengths and/or positive things you see in yourself on a piece of paper with 5 columns titled A, B, C, D & E.
You need to come up with at least 10 points in Column A that you absolutely love about yourself and wouldn't change for all the tea in China.
Some examples may be your caring nature, intelligence, smile, personality, self-discipline, courage, tenacity, dedication, thoughtfulness, selflessness, sensuality, generosity, love for your family and friends etc, etc.
Don't hold back either, as no one other than you will ever see what you have written.
In Column B, I want you to pen at least 10 things you feel are going fantastic in your life.
This may include, but not be limited to work, study, friends, religion, family, fitness, finances, your pet, social life, memberships, sport and recreation activities etc, etc.
Hint: these are the things you can't do without! In Column C, I'd like you to identify 10 activities of interest to you, that you may, or may not already be doing, such as: reading, exercising, cooking or going out to dinner, eating chocolate, playing tennis or some other sport, swimming, walks on the beach, movies, bike riding, music, retail shopping, driving your new car etc.
The list goes on! Remembering that we are all human and no one is perfect, the next thing we need to do is identify 5 things you would like to improve about yourself.
It's important to be honest with yourself and to view this as an opportunity, without being too critical.
For example, when I did this I said to myself that I need to be more assertive in the conversations I was having with my boss at work.
I swore I would stop lending or giving cash to my friends who weren't genuinely out there trying to earn their own living.
At work I wasn't prepared to continue carrying the workload of others at the expense of my own time and energy.
I wanted to improve my level of personal fitness and diet, and lastly I wanted to do more "fun" things on a regular basis! Its not rocket science.
Lastly, I want you to write down some things you would like to achieve over a set period of time.
Kind of like a goal setting exercise, ensuring you keep it real and assign a realistic time frame for each goal.
Let's call them horizon one, two and three goals? One being the stuff you want to achieve within 6 months; two being the things you would like to accomplish over 12 months; and three being the goals that are out there 5 years from now.
Guess what? You are now self empowered and armed with the power of positive thought! You have a clear understanding of who you are, what you enjoy, your personal interests and what you would like to grow or improve about yourself to step it up a notch or two.
You have a clear vision for your short to medium term future, complete with a set of goals and dates as to when all of this might happen.
The good part about all this is that you now know where your bus is headed, so you can make more informed decisions about who you want to share the journey with.
To top it all off, you will become more and more self confident as you accomplish your goals, which will intern make you more attractive to members of the other sex.
Women will want to be you - whilst men will want to be with you! There is nothing more sexy than a confident, self empowered woman! Let me just close by putting all of the above in context.
Men are attracted to confident ladies who display strength of character, without coming across too hard or cold in demeanour.
It gives a man confidence that he can rely on a lady for strength and support if times get tough.
Knowing who you are and where you are going will allow men to gauge an understanding of the partnership opportunity that presents in forming a relationship with you.
Above all, you must always exhibit the utmost respect for yourself at all times.
As if you don't, how can you expect anyone else to? So don't stress, there's no set procedure for doing this.
It will all fall into place by simply trusting in the good things you like about yourself and celebrating all that is going well for you.
Be assured that if you genuinely do so, guys will notice and want to be a part of it.
Allocate time to regularly doing the things you really enjoy with the people you love doing them with.
You will become more independent, positively charged and everything will get easier and begin to flow through living life to please you as opposed to other people.
Seek out people with common interests, you never know who you might meet walking the dog down at the park, if you take the opportunity to smile and say hi! Know your limitations whilst playing to your strengths.
Lastly, remember to be yourself and have fun doing what it is you do.
After all, meeting cool people is fun, right? So why not go out and have some! You will be amazed at how far some self confidence and a positive attitude will take you in life.
"The mind is everything.
What you think, you become" Buddha.
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