There's a very popular myth circulating which the mythbusters unfortunately didn't test yet. It's the myth that you can't be happy when you're not in a relationship.
Now, I'm single and I'm ridiculously happy. Myth busted. That was easy.
Okay.
But how do I do it?
Being Alone vs. Feeling Lonely
A lot of people want a relationship because they feel lonely.
But it's a misconception that you have to feel lonely when you're alone.
Loneliness and being alone have actually nothing to do with each other. You can also feel lonely while being around people, just as you can feel connected while being alone.
So, how can you feel this connectedness when you're alone?
It's really a matter of how you see the world. If you see all people as separate entities who have no connection with each other, it's easy to feel lonely.
That's one reason why I don't choose the see me as separate: I rather don't feel lonely!
I prefer to believe that all is one. That we all belong together. That we're not really separated and that there's always a connection among us.
So if I felt lonely I would just remind myself of this connection between everything and all people and me. I would focus on feeling connected. I sometimes visualize cords of love between me and the people I see or think of. That makes it even easier for me to feel connected.
Now if you want to experience connectedness in a physical form and not just through a feeling, that's easy too: Get out and get connected with people! You could get together with friends or you could contact strangers. You don't need a relationship in order to talk to somebody, or to generally do something with other people. There are so many people €" just connect with them!
Emotional Closeness
Sometimes you might have the need to connect on a deeper level with somebody. Maybe you want to talk about your feelings or generally about stuff you would normally keep to yourself. You don't want to tell your secrets to anybody but to someone who you trust and who accepts you.
That's where friendship comes in. I know, not all our friends are of the kind that we want to share with them our biggest secrets but it should be possible with some of them. If you don't have friends you trust enough to get emotionally close, I suggest you try to deepen your friendship with your existing friends, or €" if not possible €" go find new friends.
Touch
Physical touch is another need which a lot of people hope to satisfy in a romantic relationship. While it's clear that touching each other is more common in romantic relationships, you can fulfil this need also with other people, especially with close friends. I don't tell you to start making out with your friends, but why not hug them once in a while?
And who says physical touch has to come from other people? If you've got a high need for physical touch, you could benefit a lot from a pet.
Sex
Of course you can have sex without having a relationship! Some people make that happen all the time! You could have casual sex with somebody in a one-night-stand kind of way but you could also start a purely sexual relationship if you find someone who you harmonize with in that area.
And well, even if you have found out that casual sex isn't for you, you do have a hand, don't you?
Love
But how do you give and receive love when you're not in a committed relationship? How to feel loved at all?
At first I suggest you start loving yourself unconditionally. Before that it's way harder to receive love and appreciate the love you get anyway.
Then spend your time with loving people and friends. If you don't have a loving environment, create one.
Love is a lot more than being in love and being in a romantic relationship. You can share your love in all situations: Hug a friend, stroke a dog, compliment a stranger, smile at the people who cross your way. Open yourself up to the unconditional love that encompasses all things. Yes, you can love a stone! You don't believe that? Just try it, it feels great!
Purpose
You feel like your life doesn't have meaning because you're not in a relationship? If nothing in your life is important to you, it might feel that way.
But you can find meaning and purpose everywhere. You don't need a specific relationship for that.
How about finding meaning in your career for example? Or in some free time activity? What about the rest of your social life? If you don't feel like there's something meaningful in your life, just create something that is.
If you don't have a clue, what to do, you could volunteer for a good cause. For a lot of people it's easy to find meaning in that.
What To Do?
So you're sitting there, being single... What to do with all the time? Yeah, for a lot of people it's challenging to decide what to do in their free time. That's a real luxury problem.
If you don't know what to do with your time, you probably don't know yourself that well (I mean otherwise you would know what would be fun for you and just do it). So how about finding out a bit more about yourself?
Try out new things, pick up new interests, go to new places, meet new people, leave your comfort zone. All that will help you to find out more about yourself, what you want and what you like doing.
Even if you don't plan to be single for the rest of your life, it's a good idea to learn to be happy being single. What if you and your partner split up, what if s/he goes to a foreign country for a few months, what if s/he has to spend more time working for a few weeks? If you're dependent on your relationship you give away a lot of power. The power of being happy without your partner. Don't throw your power away like that! Being happy is far too much fun!
Now, I'm single and I'm ridiculously happy. Myth busted. That was easy.
Okay.
But how do I do it?
Being Alone vs. Feeling Lonely
A lot of people want a relationship because they feel lonely.
But it's a misconception that you have to feel lonely when you're alone.
Loneliness and being alone have actually nothing to do with each other. You can also feel lonely while being around people, just as you can feel connected while being alone.
So, how can you feel this connectedness when you're alone?
It's really a matter of how you see the world. If you see all people as separate entities who have no connection with each other, it's easy to feel lonely.
That's one reason why I don't choose the see me as separate: I rather don't feel lonely!
I prefer to believe that all is one. That we all belong together. That we're not really separated and that there's always a connection among us.
So if I felt lonely I would just remind myself of this connection between everything and all people and me. I would focus on feeling connected. I sometimes visualize cords of love between me and the people I see or think of. That makes it even easier for me to feel connected.
Now if you want to experience connectedness in a physical form and not just through a feeling, that's easy too: Get out and get connected with people! You could get together with friends or you could contact strangers. You don't need a relationship in order to talk to somebody, or to generally do something with other people. There are so many people €" just connect with them!
Emotional Closeness
Sometimes you might have the need to connect on a deeper level with somebody. Maybe you want to talk about your feelings or generally about stuff you would normally keep to yourself. You don't want to tell your secrets to anybody but to someone who you trust and who accepts you.
That's where friendship comes in. I know, not all our friends are of the kind that we want to share with them our biggest secrets but it should be possible with some of them. If you don't have friends you trust enough to get emotionally close, I suggest you try to deepen your friendship with your existing friends, or €" if not possible €" go find new friends.
Touch
Physical touch is another need which a lot of people hope to satisfy in a romantic relationship. While it's clear that touching each other is more common in romantic relationships, you can fulfil this need also with other people, especially with close friends. I don't tell you to start making out with your friends, but why not hug them once in a while?
And who says physical touch has to come from other people? If you've got a high need for physical touch, you could benefit a lot from a pet.
Sex
Of course you can have sex without having a relationship! Some people make that happen all the time! You could have casual sex with somebody in a one-night-stand kind of way but you could also start a purely sexual relationship if you find someone who you harmonize with in that area.
And well, even if you have found out that casual sex isn't for you, you do have a hand, don't you?
Love
But how do you give and receive love when you're not in a committed relationship? How to feel loved at all?
At first I suggest you start loving yourself unconditionally. Before that it's way harder to receive love and appreciate the love you get anyway.
Then spend your time with loving people and friends. If you don't have a loving environment, create one.
Love is a lot more than being in love and being in a romantic relationship. You can share your love in all situations: Hug a friend, stroke a dog, compliment a stranger, smile at the people who cross your way. Open yourself up to the unconditional love that encompasses all things. Yes, you can love a stone! You don't believe that? Just try it, it feels great!
Purpose
You feel like your life doesn't have meaning because you're not in a relationship? If nothing in your life is important to you, it might feel that way.
But you can find meaning and purpose everywhere. You don't need a specific relationship for that.
How about finding meaning in your career for example? Or in some free time activity? What about the rest of your social life? If you don't feel like there's something meaningful in your life, just create something that is.
If you don't have a clue, what to do, you could volunteer for a good cause. For a lot of people it's easy to find meaning in that.
What To Do?
So you're sitting there, being single... What to do with all the time? Yeah, for a lot of people it's challenging to decide what to do in their free time. That's a real luxury problem.
If you don't know what to do with your time, you probably don't know yourself that well (I mean otherwise you would know what would be fun for you and just do it). So how about finding out a bit more about yourself?
Try out new things, pick up new interests, go to new places, meet new people, leave your comfort zone. All that will help you to find out more about yourself, what you want and what you like doing.
Even if you don't plan to be single for the rest of your life, it's a good idea to learn to be happy being single. What if you and your partner split up, what if s/he goes to a foreign country for a few months, what if s/he has to spend more time working for a few weeks? If you're dependent on your relationship you give away a lot of power. The power of being happy without your partner. Don't throw your power away like that! Being happy is far too much fun!
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