We often refer to someone as the love of my life and when we are in love with him or her, it sure feels like they are the only one for you.
Ever.
Finding out that your partner no longer feels the same about you and wants to end the relationship can be traumatic.
Upon being told, you can't breathe, your heart is racing so fast it feels like it will fly out of your chest.
Outside sounds fade into the distance and you might find yourself becoming dizzy.
This can't be happening.
This isn't real.
Yet it is.
An incomprehensible number of songs have been written about lost love and many a musician or band have made huge names for themselves (and massive bucks) by sharing their anguish with us.
We appreciate it, because when other words fail us, the lyrics to some of the saddest songs in history provide sustenance to our weary hearts.
Getting over a relationship is one of the most difficult ordeals we will ever live through.
It is very important to note that we will live through it.
We experience a period of denial but then, if we are capable of analysis, we see that there were signs.
We chose to ignore them.
Sometimes it's safer to pretend there is no distance between us, to deny we haven't spoken about anything of consequence in months--or longer.
Even if you have been unhappy in the relationship--dissatisfied with where the two of you were going, you may have chosen not to make waves because the fear of the unknown is far too great.
If desperation occurs, we may make multiple attempts to win their love back.
We will change, we won't do this and we won't do that.
Whatever it takes, we will be different so they can love us again.
Numerous calls, texts, or emails to our lover make it clear we do not want us to be over.
We will go to any length to prove we are worthy of their love.
Sadly, desperation can lead to substance abuse because our coping mechanisms feel taxed.
Worse still, we may resort to threats of violence against ourselves or against them.
Sometimes we engage our mutual friends into a battle of his side or her side--with pathetic results.
God willing, we rise above this despairing stage of getting over a relationship.
We emerge stronger, a little more resilient, a lot saner.
Next, we discover the stage of a breakup called being numb.
Most of the tears have been shed and we've phoned our friends for moral support; we've texted or blogged or otherwise gotten the word out that we've been burned.
That's how it feels at first.
But, at this stage the numbness helps us begin to get on with our lives.
We find an hour has passed without thinking about him or her.
Then, another hour.
And another.
Like the tenet of all recovery programs, we take it "one day at a time.
" We wrestle with the newness of being alone again but we will survive-- in time.