If you work with a narcissist or are married to one, you already know how difficult it is to be around someone with this personality disorder.
For starters, everything is all about him or her, rather than about the two of you or about teamwork.
A narcissist is incapable of true empathy, and cannot see your needs as being important.
In fact, a narcissist seems to view life through me-tinted glasses because everything that goes on around them is seen only in terms of whether it is good or bad for the narcissist.
It can be a challenge to remain in a relationship with a narcissist, but many people do choose to stay because there are other important aspects of the relationship that they do not wish to give up.
An example would be a woman married to a narcissist, and yet leaving him would mean the break up of the family, disrupting the children's life and her own lifestyle.
There may be financial reasons as well as a sense of loving this person in spite of how difficult they can be at times.
When you are unaware that you are dealing with a narcissist, you may wonder how this person is so self-absorbed all the time, to the exclusion of acting like they care about you.
And yet at other times, they may be generous and loving, and so you ride the fence, wondering whether you should go or stay.
For those who have already researched the narcissism disorder, and have decided to remain in the relationship, you may wish to make your life easier by using the following tools when appropriate: •Do not take it personally that the narcissist has to talk about himself all the time.
It is a type of compulsion.
To avoid the frustration of trying to talk, and having him turn the subject into himself yet again, learn to calmly speak up and say that you were not finished yet.
Keep your sense of humor about this, as you would when dealing with a self-absorbed child.
•Do get outside support from close friends or online forums so that you are not coping with your feelings alone.
You can feel shut out and annoyed by the narcissist's behavior, and yet by venting with others you will be able to maintain your composure.
•Do not try to fix or change the narcissist into the type of person you think he should be.
Accept him the way he is, understand that you can be an independent strong partner rather than a doormat, just by the choices that you make in how you speak and behave, rather than by trying to force someone to change a lifelong personality pattern to fit your expectations.
•Speaking of expectations, the more you decide to simply let the person be who they are, the easier it will be to "Live and Let Live" in this relationship in a harmonious way.
While you cannot force him to change, you can calmly insist that he treat you with respect and courtesy.
•Set boundaries and understand what behavior you will and will not tolerate.
Avoid constantly putting up with mistreatment out of fear that he will get angry at you and make life miserable.
Tying yourself into knots to try to keep someone's anger in check is codependent behavior and extremely stressful.
Although it can be a definite challenge to live with someone or work closely with someone who has a narcissistic personality, if there are aspects of the relationship that you do enjoy, then it becomes worthwhile to do what you can to keep things going on an even keel, while avoiding the temptation to play games and try to control their behavior.
Understanding that narcissism is a personality disorder that the other person did not choose to have may help you feel more compassionate and patient with them.
For starters, everything is all about him or her, rather than about the two of you or about teamwork.
A narcissist is incapable of true empathy, and cannot see your needs as being important.
In fact, a narcissist seems to view life through me-tinted glasses because everything that goes on around them is seen only in terms of whether it is good or bad for the narcissist.
It can be a challenge to remain in a relationship with a narcissist, but many people do choose to stay because there are other important aspects of the relationship that they do not wish to give up.
An example would be a woman married to a narcissist, and yet leaving him would mean the break up of the family, disrupting the children's life and her own lifestyle.
There may be financial reasons as well as a sense of loving this person in spite of how difficult they can be at times.
When you are unaware that you are dealing with a narcissist, you may wonder how this person is so self-absorbed all the time, to the exclusion of acting like they care about you.
And yet at other times, they may be generous and loving, and so you ride the fence, wondering whether you should go or stay.
For those who have already researched the narcissism disorder, and have decided to remain in the relationship, you may wish to make your life easier by using the following tools when appropriate: •Do not take it personally that the narcissist has to talk about himself all the time.
It is a type of compulsion.
To avoid the frustration of trying to talk, and having him turn the subject into himself yet again, learn to calmly speak up and say that you were not finished yet.
Keep your sense of humor about this, as you would when dealing with a self-absorbed child.
•Do get outside support from close friends or online forums so that you are not coping with your feelings alone.
You can feel shut out and annoyed by the narcissist's behavior, and yet by venting with others you will be able to maintain your composure.
•Do not try to fix or change the narcissist into the type of person you think he should be.
Accept him the way he is, understand that you can be an independent strong partner rather than a doormat, just by the choices that you make in how you speak and behave, rather than by trying to force someone to change a lifelong personality pattern to fit your expectations.
•Speaking of expectations, the more you decide to simply let the person be who they are, the easier it will be to "Live and Let Live" in this relationship in a harmonious way.
While you cannot force him to change, you can calmly insist that he treat you with respect and courtesy.
•Set boundaries and understand what behavior you will and will not tolerate.
Avoid constantly putting up with mistreatment out of fear that he will get angry at you and make life miserable.
Tying yourself into knots to try to keep someone's anger in check is codependent behavior and extremely stressful.
Although it can be a definite challenge to live with someone or work closely with someone who has a narcissistic personality, if there are aspects of the relationship that you do enjoy, then it becomes worthwhile to do what you can to keep things going on an even keel, while avoiding the temptation to play games and try to control their behavior.
Understanding that narcissism is a personality disorder that the other person did not choose to have may help you feel more compassionate and patient with them.
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