Jealousy is an unspoken way of life for most young females, I think.
At least it always was for me and my friends.
Taking each others boyfriends was often a sport and jealousy was always behind the act no matter whether we pleaded innocence or not.
Beating each other at tests was also a haven for the green eyed monster.
They say boys are just competitive as if it is a virtue, and maybe it is.
I'm not a male so I can't say.
But somehow I think that there is a lot of jealousy amongst both sexes when it comes to getting what we want, or watching others get what we aspire to when we don't.
And over the years I've both felt it, and been on the brunt of it from someone else' feelings too.
It isn't productive for any of us.
In fact it holds us back in many ways.
Let's break it down.
Part of our Culture? A friend of yours gets a substantial raise in pay, or a big promotion.
Finally everything is going well for them.
And you can see it.
They buy a new car and start dining out more.
There are even holidays now for them where before it was all work work work.
But it is still work work work for you.
Even though you know you are probably just that little bit cleverer than them, and maybe you work harder than they did.
But still your prospects look bleak.
Our Society is based on this common have and have not's and as much as people will tell you that money is nothing everyone wants the best for themselves and their families, and money is what usually buys the best opportunities to have the best lifestyle.
So when your friend tells you of each wonderful moment in their lives now how do you feel? Happy for them? Of course you do.
They are your friend! But inside what do you feel? Jealousy? Are you ashamed to feel this? Or do you think they've changed since the gains? Justifying your own guilty feelings by putting them in the crime seat is a natural thing too.
But before you think that being human means being pretty horrible lets look even closer and take control.
Tall Poppy Syndrome The Tall Poppy syndrome is very much a part of our Society, at least it is here in Australia, where egalitarianism is supposed to be our way of life.
We make a sport of slagging the successful.
Get over yourself! Who do you think you are? Too big for your britches! etc.
How much do we laugh at Americans (and other visitors) who somehow seem to want us to know they are here.
Do they believe they are something special? Is it any wonder that jealousy is endemic in our society.
Or do you give it another name? Get loud over football but be quiet about everything else.
Why is it okay to celebrate wins on the football pitch but not at the office? Why can't we celebrate ourselves more often? Is it only allowed to be done in Teams, or only in front of our nearest and dearest? Can you imagine what people would say if you told complete strangers to celebrate something with you about yourself? What an idiot! Pull your head in! These are the most likely responses you'll get.
What would happen if? What would happen if we all shared in the joys of others? What would happen in our world do you think if we got behind our friends and colleagues and even behind complete strangers when they were trying to do something we believed was worth doing? Even though it wasn't for us directly? I wonder if we did this would the world change for the better? Would we find help and support for our efforts too? What would happen if there was no jealousy? Or at least if we just got used to the feeling of jealousy, but just realized it is a feeling of the past, with no use whatsoever to us now? What is Jealousy? Think about this for a moment.
What does that feeling feel like? What do we see when it comes upon us? What is so bad we have to hide it from ourselves and justify it in bazaar ways, blaming others? I know, and I'm sure you do too, that when someone has been jealous of me, no matter what they say or do it is always there, tainting our relationship.
Twisting the good times so that so much is just a lie, even if it isn't.
You can't hide jealousy.
So you might as well say it.
I am really happy for you but I can't help feeling jealous that it hasn't happened to me too.
How do you think the person would respond to you if you said this? If it is your friend I'm sure they would be driven to assist you in the same endeavor! Why not give it a try next time.
What have you got to lose? Jealousy as a motivator Are you up to the challenge too? Can you use the feelings you have now to motivate you into action? Somewhere deep down this must have been our ancestral beginnings of this feeling that seems so utterly destructive today.
Can you turn it around to motivate you and give you the edge, the hungry feeling that makes you win? Jealousy and low self esteem Jealousy is often felt when really there is something else at play here besides someone else getting what you want, especially if what they got is not really something you wanted but you feel jealous all the same.
Sound familiar? Check out my articles on low self esteem.
Next time you feel the green-eyed monster take hold of you think about the BIGGER PICTURE and place yourself where you want to be, and where you'd like your future world to be too.
Celebrate victories of others.
Make a difference.
At least it always was for me and my friends.
Taking each others boyfriends was often a sport and jealousy was always behind the act no matter whether we pleaded innocence or not.
Beating each other at tests was also a haven for the green eyed monster.
They say boys are just competitive as if it is a virtue, and maybe it is.
I'm not a male so I can't say.
But somehow I think that there is a lot of jealousy amongst both sexes when it comes to getting what we want, or watching others get what we aspire to when we don't.
And over the years I've both felt it, and been on the brunt of it from someone else' feelings too.
It isn't productive for any of us.
In fact it holds us back in many ways.
Let's break it down.
Part of our Culture? A friend of yours gets a substantial raise in pay, or a big promotion.
Finally everything is going well for them.
And you can see it.
They buy a new car and start dining out more.
There are even holidays now for them where before it was all work work work.
But it is still work work work for you.
Even though you know you are probably just that little bit cleverer than them, and maybe you work harder than they did.
But still your prospects look bleak.
Our Society is based on this common have and have not's and as much as people will tell you that money is nothing everyone wants the best for themselves and their families, and money is what usually buys the best opportunities to have the best lifestyle.
So when your friend tells you of each wonderful moment in their lives now how do you feel? Happy for them? Of course you do.
They are your friend! But inside what do you feel? Jealousy? Are you ashamed to feel this? Or do you think they've changed since the gains? Justifying your own guilty feelings by putting them in the crime seat is a natural thing too.
But before you think that being human means being pretty horrible lets look even closer and take control.
Tall Poppy Syndrome The Tall Poppy syndrome is very much a part of our Society, at least it is here in Australia, where egalitarianism is supposed to be our way of life.
We make a sport of slagging the successful.
Get over yourself! Who do you think you are? Too big for your britches! etc.
How much do we laugh at Americans (and other visitors) who somehow seem to want us to know they are here.
Do they believe they are something special? Is it any wonder that jealousy is endemic in our society.
Or do you give it another name? Get loud over football but be quiet about everything else.
Why is it okay to celebrate wins on the football pitch but not at the office? Why can't we celebrate ourselves more often? Is it only allowed to be done in Teams, or only in front of our nearest and dearest? Can you imagine what people would say if you told complete strangers to celebrate something with you about yourself? What an idiot! Pull your head in! These are the most likely responses you'll get.
What would happen if? What would happen if we all shared in the joys of others? What would happen in our world do you think if we got behind our friends and colleagues and even behind complete strangers when they were trying to do something we believed was worth doing? Even though it wasn't for us directly? I wonder if we did this would the world change for the better? Would we find help and support for our efforts too? What would happen if there was no jealousy? Or at least if we just got used to the feeling of jealousy, but just realized it is a feeling of the past, with no use whatsoever to us now? What is Jealousy? Think about this for a moment.
What does that feeling feel like? What do we see when it comes upon us? What is so bad we have to hide it from ourselves and justify it in bazaar ways, blaming others? I know, and I'm sure you do too, that when someone has been jealous of me, no matter what they say or do it is always there, tainting our relationship.
Twisting the good times so that so much is just a lie, even if it isn't.
You can't hide jealousy.
So you might as well say it.
I am really happy for you but I can't help feeling jealous that it hasn't happened to me too.
How do you think the person would respond to you if you said this? If it is your friend I'm sure they would be driven to assist you in the same endeavor! Why not give it a try next time.
What have you got to lose? Jealousy as a motivator Are you up to the challenge too? Can you use the feelings you have now to motivate you into action? Somewhere deep down this must have been our ancestral beginnings of this feeling that seems so utterly destructive today.
Can you turn it around to motivate you and give you the edge, the hungry feeling that makes you win? Jealousy and low self esteem Jealousy is often felt when really there is something else at play here besides someone else getting what you want, especially if what they got is not really something you wanted but you feel jealous all the same.
Sound familiar? Check out my articles on low self esteem.
Next time you feel the green-eyed monster take hold of you think about the BIGGER PICTURE and place yourself where you want to be, and where you'd like your future world to be too.
Celebrate victories of others.
Make a difference.
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