- 1). Focus on your non-verbal signs. When your partner is speaking, lean in toward him. Look him in the eye to show you are listening. Nod your head or put your hand on his arm to show support. Don't stand in front of him with your arms crossed and a scowl on your face.
- 2). Listen to your partner without interrupting. In the middle of an argument, you may constantly feel the need to interject your point. Don't do it. Swallow your pride and keep quiet. Allow your partner to say her peace. She may appreciate you more because you are showing that you care and want to hear her out. Therefore, only speak if she asks you something. Many times, arguments escalate because people don't listen to each other and end up yelling to be heard.
- 3). Keep yourself in check in the heat of the moment. Focus on your feelings and try to remain calm by taking a deep breath and squeezing the tips of your thumb and forefinger together or rubbing lotion into your hands. Remaining calm keeps you from saying or doing something in anger.
- 4). Use written messages to convey your feelings. Psychotherapist Nancy Dreyfuss, author of "Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You love: Relationship Repair in a Flash," suggests writing statements such as, "I'm afraid you won't believe me if I say I'm sorry" on flash cards. Hold the card up in the middle of an argument to defuse the situation. You can even tell your partner that you want to write him a note expressing your feelings. Tell him you are doing this so that the fight doesn't escalate. Write down what is bothering you, but make sure that you tell him you love him and are doing this because you want the relationship to work.
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