Maybe it's a sales clerk. Maybe it's your boss, or even a co-worker. It could be your spouse or significant other. Or a friend or group of friends, where you always end up going along with things you don't want to do, and you're afraid to say anything about what you really do want.

After all, that would be selfish, wouldn't it?

You're just trying to be a nice person. You don't want to make waves. You don't want to cause any trouble.

But this kind of behavior is a sign of serious trouble that's already there. It doesn't serve your higher purpose in life to allow others to push you around. And it doesn't serve theirs, either. All you're really doing is enabling their bullying behavior.

How do others push you around? The methods vary. Intimidation can be very subtle. Especially since the programming that causes you to respond to intimidation is already within you, and probably has been since childhood.

Maybe they express shock at your choices. Or a simple question could do it, even a word. Maybe it's a look. A tone of voice. The way they stand or sit or move.

However you allow others to control you, it stems from a feeling that in some way, you don't matter. That you are "less than."

What shouldn't you do about this? Good question. You've probably found a few answers to this on your own. While some of them may work, a lot of them have drawbacks.

Confrontations can result in escalation, more confrontation, yelling and then guilt. Or the other person moves on to their next trick in their control kit. They pout. Or glare. Or create unpleasant circumstances for you because they have the power to do so.

You may feel like you've blown it by losing your temper or not being "nice," and this only fuels your guilt and self condemnation and sets you up for the next round, because now you've just proved to yourself (again) that you deserve to be treated badly.

Of course you could choose to be the one to pout. Or use any number of passive means to make the other person pay for their behavior. None of which change the outcome, and end up making you feel even more powerless and worthless.

So how do you stand up to controlling behavior?

First, you need to understand that if it were easy, you would have done it already. Any solution is going to involve stepping out of your comfort zone.

But the fundamental solution is to realize that you do matter. You matter no less than they do. Standing up for yourself is not a matter of not being "nice." It is a matter of self-respect and basic human rights. If you get this right, everything else will pretty much naturally flow from it.

As ridiculous as it sounds, we have somehow bought the belief that we are in some way less human than others.

Here's a helpful phrase you might want to memorize and repeat to yourself over and over again:

"Every human being deserves respect. I am a human being."

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