Getting pregnant is a rite of passage for a woman.
It's just supposed to happen.
And when it doesn't, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity and brokenness creep in.
I know, because I lived with infertility for seven years.
Those years took an emotional toll way beyond what I saw at the time.
Looking back, I see things more clearly.
For one, I was skinny - far too skinny.
Food became one of the few things I could control, and I did so by not eating, partly because I was down and didn't have much of an appetite, but more so because I got to say what and how much I ate.
I couldn't coax my body into conceiving no matter what I tried, but I could most definitely take charge of what I gave it for nourishment.
There were other things that sent my emotions into a tailspin, and I finally gave myself permission to avoid them.
What a relief! What you're going through is hard.
It's not fair, and a lot of people just don't know how to be when they're around you.
Here are few things that I should have started doing a lot sooner than I did.
Consider this.
It's okay to: • RSVP "no" to a baby shower no matter how close a friend the shower is honoring.
Send a gift card.
Don't torture yourself by shopping off the registry at a baby superstore.
• Skip church on Mother's Day.
God loves you no matter what.
Instead, spend the day with your own mom doing something fun, or have a special date with your spouse.
My friend Jill and I were both living out our infertility years together, and we had a standing brunch and shopping date on Mother's Day.
Find a way to make it enjoyable for yourself.
• Cry.
It's good for the soul.
Infertility is scientific and clinical, and if you're pursuing treatment or in the early stages, you're probably checking your temperature, giving yourself shots or charting your cycle on silly charts.
Emotions are essential and tend to get lost in all the procedures.
Allow yourself some breakdowns.
• Not answer all questions.
People who haven't dealt with infertility don't understand it and are naturally curious.
But some of their questions are downright rude.
Develop a standard answer for questions you're not comfortable answering, and stick to it.
Even in the midst of sad times, life keeps coming.
Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays don't pause to mourn with you.
Don't let the good stuff pass you by, though.
Enjoy your birthday and celebrate your anniversary.
While dealing with infertility is difficult, don't allow it to rob you of your joy or your sanity.
It's just supposed to happen.
And when it doesn't, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity and brokenness creep in.
I know, because I lived with infertility for seven years.
Those years took an emotional toll way beyond what I saw at the time.
Looking back, I see things more clearly.
For one, I was skinny - far too skinny.
Food became one of the few things I could control, and I did so by not eating, partly because I was down and didn't have much of an appetite, but more so because I got to say what and how much I ate.
I couldn't coax my body into conceiving no matter what I tried, but I could most definitely take charge of what I gave it for nourishment.
There were other things that sent my emotions into a tailspin, and I finally gave myself permission to avoid them.
What a relief! What you're going through is hard.
It's not fair, and a lot of people just don't know how to be when they're around you.
Here are few things that I should have started doing a lot sooner than I did.
Consider this.
It's okay to: • RSVP "no" to a baby shower no matter how close a friend the shower is honoring.
Send a gift card.
Don't torture yourself by shopping off the registry at a baby superstore.
• Skip church on Mother's Day.
God loves you no matter what.
Instead, spend the day with your own mom doing something fun, or have a special date with your spouse.
My friend Jill and I were both living out our infertility years together, and we had a standing brunch and shopping date on Mother's Day.
Find a way to make it enjoyable for yourself.
• Cry.
It's good for the soul.
Infertility is scientific and clinical, and if you're pursuing treatment or in the early stages, you're probably checking your temperature, giving yourself shots or charting your cycle on silly charts.
Emotions are essential and tend to get lost in all the procedures.
Allow yourself some breakdowns.
• Not answer all questions.
People who haven't dealt with infertility don't understand it and are naturally curious.
But some of their questions are downright rude.
Develop a standard answer for questions you're not comfortable answering, and stick to it.
Even in the midst of sad times, life keeps coming.
Birthdays, anniversaries and holidays don't pause to mourn with you.
Don't let the good stuff pass you by, though.
Enjoy your birthday and celebrate your anniversary.
While dealing with infertility is difficult, don't allow it to rob you of your joy or your sanity.
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