We have all asked ourselves why certain situations keep happening in our lives.
We may create the illusion that we are born under a bad sign, we are unlucky, or that the Universe does not like us.
The reality is that if the familiar and similar life situations were not happening again, we would not have an opportunity to do something differently.
Let's say that you have a strained relationship with a family member.
You have stolen from them, lied to them, and manipulated them for your own personal gains.
You have made promises and then broken them.
Your actions have harmed them, put them in financial difficulty, and they are not speaking to you or have resentments towards you.
Changing, and then making amends will allow them to interact with you again.
It gives them an opportunity to voice their feelings, and gives you an opportunity to act differently - by paying them back the money you owe, keeping a promise, or no longer trying to get things through manipulation.
Without another interaction with your family member where you are choosing to act differently, your family will never know that you have changed.
That would be genuinely sad; learn to be grateful that there is this opportunity to act differently.
Familiar Aspects of Life Situation Other life situations will come up.
There will be a familiar aspect to it.
Co-dependent traits have governed many of your interactions with others.
There are people in your life that are just unhealthy for you to be around but you have never been able to distance yourself from them or tell them how you feel and what you think about the relationship.
You didn't want them angry with you, you didn't want to hurt their feelings, and you couldn't state the truth to them.
When you find yourself thinking, "I've been here before" in your interactions with people, reflect on the outcome of the past situation from the perspective of your actions, your words, and your attitude.
For instance, you have been overly helpful to friends in the past; doing things for them that were inconvenient for you, or they took advantage of your generosity.
You now have a friend in recovery that complains about all she has to do and asks you babysit so she can go grocery shopping.
You decide that you can do this, and then you find out that she didn't go grocery shopping, but out to dinner and a movie without telling you.
In the past, you would have been hurt and angry inside but unable or unwilling to say anything.
Successful people learn from their mistakes; they make the effort to determine what happened, why something fell apart, and resolve to do things differently if they have another opportunity.
They do not continue with the behaviors, attitudes, or actions that got them negative consequences; they quit butting their heads up against the brick wall! You decide to respond differently and you tell your friend that you felt manipulated and used and although you are afraid she will be mad at you for saying something, your old pattern of feeling used and not voicing these feelings needs to be broken for you to recover.
Reacting Differently Think about the time that your boss made unreasonable demands on your time or the coworker gossiped about you.
Did you react poorly to them? Instead of discussing the time constraints with your boss, you hung your head in shame and seethed inside.
You started acting in a passive-aggressive manner and were obsessed with his rudeness.
Instead of talking directly to the coworker to decide if there was conflict between you, you started rumors about him or her, even knowing that they were untrue.
You were hurt and reacted poorly.
In recovery, the familiar and similar life situations will happen again, and you have the opportunity to do things differently, giving you the chance to respond better this time.
Instead of resenting that these similar situations are happening again, try thinking, Thank goodness for it happening again, I can do something besides what I have traditionally done.
We may create the illusion that we are born under a bad sign, we are unlucky, or that the Universe does not like us.
The reality is that if the familiar and similar life situations were not happening again, we would not have an opportunity to do something differently.
Let's say that you have a strained relationship with a family member.
You have stolen from them, lied to them, and manipulated them for your own personal gains.
You have made promises and then broken them.
Your actions have harmed them, put them in financial difficulty, and they are not speaking to you or have resentments towards you.
Changing, and then making amends will allow them to interact with you again.
It gives them an opportunity to voice their feelings, and gives you an opportunity to act differently - by paying them back the money you owe, keeping a promise, or no longer trying to get things through manipulation.
Without another interaction with your family member where you are choosing to act differently, your family will never know that you have changed.
That would be genuinely sad; learn to be grateful that there is this opportunity to act differently.
Familiar Aspects of Life Situation Other life situations will come up.
There will be a familiar aspect to it.
Co-dependent traits have governed many of your interactions with others.
There are people in your life that are just unhealthy for you to be around but you have never been able to distance yourself from them or tell them how you feel and what you think about the relationship.
You didn't want them angry with you, you didn't want to hurt their feelings, and you couldn't state the truth to them.
When you find yourself thinking, "I've been here before" in your interactions with people, reflect on the outcome of the past situation from the perspective of your actions, your words, and your attitude.
For instance, you have been overly helpful to friends in the past; doing things for them that were inconvenient for you, or they took advantage of your generosity.
You now have a friend in recovery that complains about all she has to do and asks you babysit so she can go grocery shopping.
You decide that you can do this, and then you find out that she didn't go grocery shopping, but out to dinner and a movie without telling you.
In the past, you would have been hurt and angry inside but unable or unwilling to say anything.
Successful people learn from their mistakes; they make the effort to determine what happened, why something fell apart, and resolve to do things differently if they have another opportunity.
They do not continue with the behaviors, attitudes, or actions that got them negative consequences; they quit butting their heads up against the brick wall! You decide to respond differently and you tell your friend that you felt manipulated and used and although you are afraid she will be mad at you for saying something, your old pattern of feeling used and not voicing these feelings needs to be broken for you to recover.
Reacting Differently Think about the time that your boss made unreasonable demands on your time or the coworker gossiped about you.
Did you react poorly to them? Instead of discussing the time constraints with your boss, you hung your head in shame and seethed inside.
You started acting in a passive-aggressive manner and were obsessed with his rudeness.
Instead of talking directly to the coworker to decide if there was conflict between you, you started rumors about him or her, even knowing that they were untrue.
You were hurt and reacted poorly.
In recovery, the familiar and similar life situations will happen again, and you have the opportunity to do things differently, giving you the chance to respond better this time.
Instead of resenting that these similar situations are happening again, try thinking, Thank goodness for it happening again, I can do something besides what I have traditionally done.
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