Years ago when I was still riddled with depression and chronic illness, a person told me, "you created your life, if you don't like it change it" at that time my thoughts were- how insensitive can this person be? How could they suggest that I was the cause of the horrible traumatic things that had happened to me and that it was simple to change my life? This statement made me angry, I felt powerless because every effort I had made to change my life had failed.
The anger stemmed from a place of (you don't know me, you have no knowledge or understanding around how hard I had tried to change my life.
) In my heart, I believed they were right but they had no right to judge me or tell me that the victim-hood I felt could be minimized in the face of my inability to move beyond it.
Their accusation simply caused me to tumble deeper into the abyss of my suffering.
My self-esteem continued on that downward spiral because my self-worth was virtually non-existent.
I had blamed those that hurt me and myself for my current circumstances; guilt, shame, and un-forgiveness along with self-loathing was all that was left of a once loving and giving person.
I was angry and in pain and this person had no compassion for all I had been through; at least that is how I felt then.
This person's statement seemed to lack understanding around just how difficult it is to change the trajectory of ones life.
After all of the traumatic and debilitating events that took place over the years, he had the gall to say that I had created it? I felt as though I was inside a vicious cyclone, spinning uncontrollably downward; no matter what effort I made, one thing after another caused my life to be unbearable; and no one seemed to care.
My life was going to be as it had been and there was nothing I could do about it, the statement- (why should it change now, that's the way it's always been and always going to be) was my mantra.
I continued to try and try, because giving up was not an option; at least until that day when the straw broke the camel's back.
That day when my will to survive was no more, when all that was left was a hopeless shell of a person, that day, I knew that I had to give up.
I had to just end it in order to make the pain go away, that is what I felt and what I told my Creator; send me help or I'm going to end it.
I had hit bottom so there was nowhere else to go.
There did not appear to me to be a way to get back on my feet or to somehow find peace where there was only pain and self-pity.
Every effort to this point had failed and therefore all I could do was lay down and die.
Little did I know that what was about to happen was an incredible answer to my outcry.
My tears stained my pillow as I fell into a fitful sleep.
It was while I was sleeping that the help came to me.
That was my first accepted experience with our Creators Angels; they are very real.
God's Angels comforted me and shared with me that I was Loved and that I have never been alone nor will I ever be alone.
They showed me how all that had happened had been for a higher purpose.
They showed me my role in all that had taken place over the years and revealed the truth around each event.
They were able to do this because I had surrendered; I had stopped trying and started listening.
My desire for help was great, because I knew I could no longer live my life as it was.
All I wanted was for someone to make the pain go away.
Arch Angel Raphael the Physician with my permission began healing my broken heart, mind and body.
The Blessed Virgin Mary comforted me and assisted me when I felt un-loved.
Jesus, taught me and provided me with answers when there appeared to be none.
Arch Angel Michael protected me as Karma ripened.
Between them they taught me about Karma and how I had created the pain and events over the years with thoughts and feelings I had entertained for so long.
My Angels told me that they were sending me help through Earthly Angels (people) that I had not yet meant.
At the time fear was my constant companion and trust was not something I had a lot of.
In spite of my fear and lack of trust, my Angels stayed with me and helped me through tough times, reassuring me all of the way that I would make it to the other side of all of the pain, suffering, and find peace within this life experience.
They have never left my side and I have opened that door wider as my life has changed for the better.
Many people have come into my life over the years that have brought insight and understanding around the events of this life experience.
These Earthly Angels have played a role in my self-healing and my gratitude for their presence is great.
It has become very apparent to me that when we seek the truth we will find the truth.
The question we all must ask ourselves is; are we ready to hear the truth, accept the truth, and act on the truth.
It has also become my reality to recognize my own way of being and how it affects my daily, weekly, monthly, annual experiences.
My thoughts; are they automatic, or am I consciously creating my experience.
Am I living within the moment or in the past or future? How do I treat others around me? What is it that I am creating moment to moment? My life is an example of how we can modify our reality and create something new for ourselves.
My Angels showed me the truth about karma and our ability to serve others for a higher outcome around its ripening.
Until we surrender to our Creator the ego mind and our willful way of being we will continue to create imperfection; we will manifest a reality that is false and debilitating.
No one is alone on this Earth; no one is separate from the other or from God.
Because we are all parts, aspects of the same whole, what one of us does affects the whole.
We have a consciousness that is a God consciousness; then we have the ego mind, which is the vehicle through which we create the false reality of imperfection.
The key to self-healing is to make a choice to surrender the false reality and be willing to accept the truth of our infinite God Being.
In Love and compassion, I share with you my heart, that you too will surrender all and be healed.
Journey On, Rose Louise