I don't walk through life looking for things to hate, it's not in my nature.
But when it comes to Stink Bugs, I absolutely hate them...
and I think it's justified! So I decided to write down my primary reasons for hating these odoriferous creatures to see if anybody else feels the same way.
I don't care if I'm right or wrong in feeling this way, and I'm not intending to take any psychotherapy over it.
That being said, here's why I hate Stink Bugs: 1.
They Stink! These guys are like miniature skunks.
How can something so small stink so much? They wreak like a port-a-potty in the middle of the desert! To make matters worse, if you squash one of them it releases that smelly pheromone into the air and attracts even more Stink Bugs! It's like killing a gang member - kill one and you have the whole gang after you.
Well it's not quite that bad, but you get the idea.
2.
They're Ugly! These things look prehistoric - maybe they are.
But they look so menacing - like they just stepped out of a science fiction movie.
I wonder if Steven King came up with these things? Thank goodness they're small though.
Can you imagine one of these the size of a cow? Now that's a scary thought.
3.
They can fly! If they just walked around it wouldn't be quite as bad, but NO, they can fly too.
And they can do it very well.
I've had them on my bedroom screens 16 feet off the ground.
So now we have this little, ugly, stinky voyeur flying around like a miniature crop duster, peeking into our bedrooms.
They lack humility.
4.
They Get In My House! Come on now, with all that space outside, why do they have to come in my house? If they'd help pay some utilities or something it would be different, but they don't.
They just walk on in at every opportunity, uninvited, and make themselves right at home.
This is extremely inconsiderate.
They have no respect for other peoples' property.
5.
They Eat Fruit And Vegetables! It wasn't bad enough that the Japanese Beetles are gnawing away at my tomato and pepper plants, now these little vermin have to get in the act.
When you try to chase them they release that stinky smell all over the place.
And when they get on my apple tree they don't simply eat an apple like everybody else on the planet.
No, they just poke a little hole in it and suck out what they want.
Then when I go to bite into one of my apples, there's that little hole looking back at me! You just can't win with these guys.
They lack proper table manners! 6.
They're populating like rabbits on Viagra! Is there no way to spay or neuter these things? Although they appear totally ugly to us, they apparently see each other as hot hunks and babes who just can't keep their hands off of each other! As the Scotts would say, "They're a randy bunch indeed".
Hey guys, how about at least taking a cold shower now and then.
You know, I still hate stink bugs...
but I'm feeling much better now.