PIG #3: Yeah, did you see him wearing that sheep’s clothing during the trial? Well, I saw right through that!
PIG #12: Well, I thought Little Boy Blue’s testimony was convincing. But more than anything, I just didn’t trust that wolf. He claimed that he was a Wolf Scout, selling Wolf Scout Cookies door to door. But there’s no such thing as a Wolf Scout!
PIG #9: Oh but there is. There are cub scouts and wolf scouts and trout scouts, and all sorts of scouts.
And they are nice sorts of folks. Say, maybe I voted guilty too quickly.
PIG #3: What do you mean?! (To #8: ) Look “Mr. No Oink,”, I want to know why you voted not guilty. You’re keeping us cooped up in here like chickens, when we should be at home, rolling around in mud like pigs!
PIG #7: And if the wolf didn’t demolish those houses, then who did?
PIG #8: I’ve been wondering about that myself. Why would a wolf want to knock down a pig’s house to begin with?
PIG #12: Well, he wanted to eat.
PIG #11: So he blew the house down so that he could gobble up the first little pig.
PIG #8: But why wouldn’t he just wait for the pig to leave his straw house and then grab him? Why spend all of that energy blowing down the house?
PIG #5: He couldn’t wait. He was too hungry.
PIG #8: If he was too hungry, then why didn’t he just eat the cookies he was selling?
PIG #10: Because wolves don’t eat cookies!
PIG #4: Yeah!
PIG #10: they eat pork chops!
PIG #4: Yeah!
PIG #10: And ham hocks!
PIG #4: Yeah!
PIG #10: (To #4: ) And stop agreeing with everything I say.
PIG #4: Yeah!
PIG #2: All this talk about food is making me hungry.
PIG #7: Me too!
PIG #1: I wish we had some lunch or something.
BOY: (Entering, carrying a bucket.) Yoohoo! Piggies! It’s chow time! Want some pig slop?
PIGS: Yes please!
BOY: Come and get it!
The pigs run up to the boy. Then, the boy shows them that the bucket is empty.
BOY: Ha ha! I was just joking. It’s empty.
PIG #3: Ha, well, you sure fooled us, young man.
PIG #1: Now run along, little Boy Blue. We pigs have work to do.
PIG #8: Now as I was saying, I don’t think the wolf huffed and puffed at all.
PIG #3: Then how did the house fall down?
PIG #8: Think about it. Of the three little pigs, only one knew how to build houses well. And that little pig built his house out of brick. The houses of straw and sticks were so frail they could have fallen down when the wolf politely knocked on the door.
PIG #3: Politely knocked?! Do you believe this swine?
PIG #8: I’m just saying it’s possible. And since when do wolves blow air with the force of a hurricane?
PIG #9: That’s a very good point. I watched a documentary on wolves, and it didn’t mention a thing about huffing or puffing.
PIG #8: Which reminds me of something else the defense forgot to mention.
PIG #12: What’s that?
PIG #8: (Calls to a Bailiff, who could be dressed as a duck or some other animal.) Oh Bailiff, we’d like to examine a piece of evidence.
BAILIFF: Which one?
PIG #8: The wolf’s pack, please.
BAILIFF: Just a moment.
PIG #8: Thank you, Bailiff.
PIG #4: What’s a bailiff?
PIG #8: He’s like a policeman for the courtroom. Throughout the trial process, he keeps things in order.
PIG #7: Order? I’d like to order a large extra cheese pizza. Hold the pepperoni.
PIG #5: Not that kind of order!
PIG #2: Gee, I’m awful hungry.
The Boy enters, carrying a pizza box.
BOY: Free cheese pizza! Fresh from the oven! Absolutely delicious! Who wants a slice?
PIGS: Me! Me! I do! I do!
BOY: Ha, ha! Fooled you again!
PIG #2: Say, that’s not very nice.
PIG #6: Little Boy Blue, that joke is not funny anymore.
PIG #1: We’re trying to work here.
The boy leaves. The bailiff enters.
BAILIFF: Here’s the wolf’s pack. (Hands the pigs the pack.)
PIG #8: Let’s see. (Takes out items from the pack.) Here are the wolf scout cookies. And his wolf scout badge.
PIG #3: That doesn’t prove anything.
PIG #8: What about this? (Pulls out an asthma device.)
PIG#3: So what?
PIG #8: How could the so-called Big Bad Wolf huff and puff when he has asthma?!
Everyone gasps at this realization.
PIG #2: Oh my goodness.
PIG #3: So he’s got asthma medicine in his wolf pack.
PIG #10: He probably stole it. Wolves will do that.
PIG #9: Not all wolves are like that and you know it. I think we should have another vote.
PIG #1: Very well. Let’s go around the table. All those who think the defendant is guilty say oink. I’ll go first. I say “oink.”
PIG #2: Uh, oink.
PIG #3: Oink!
PIG #4: Not oinking.
PIG #5: Oh, what do you know? I still say “oink!”
PIG #6: Not oinking.
PIG #7: Oink.
PIG #8: Not oinking.
PIG #9: Not oinking.
PIG #10: Oink.
PIG #11: Oink.
PIG #12: Not oinking.
PIG #1: That’s seven oinks, and five not oinking.
PIG #3: You piggies call yourself a jury? You wanna let that Big Bad Wolf go free? What’s with you? (He points to the other pigs.) This little piggy is forgetful. And this little piggy is regretful. This little piggy’s brain went to the market. And this little piggy should have stayed home. And this little piggy (points to Pig #8)… This little piggy went went wee-wee-wee all over the justice system!
PIG #8: But there’s reasonable doubt. We don’t have enough evidence—
PIG #12: Well, I thought Little Boy Blue’s testimony was convincing. But more than anything, I just didn’t trust that wolf. He claimed that he was a Wolf Scout, selling Wolf Scout Cookies door to door. But there’s no such thing as a Wolf Scout!
PIG #9: Oh but there is. There are cub scouts and wolf scouts and trout scouts, and all sorts of scouts.
And they are nice sorts of folks. Say, maybe I voted guilty too quickly.
PIG #3: What do you mean?! (To #8: ) Look “Mr. No Oink,”, I want to know why you voted not guilty. You’re keeping us cooped up in here like chickens, when we should be at home, rolling around in mud like pigs!
PIG #7: And if the wolf didn’t demolish those houses, then who did?
PIG #8: I’ve been wondering about that myself. Why would a wolf want to knock down a pig’s house to begin with?
PIG #12: Well, he wanted to eat.
PIG #11: So he blew the house down so that he could gobble up the first little pig.
PIG #8: But why wouldn’t he just wait for the pig to leave his straw house and then grab him? Why spend all of that energy blowing down the house?
PIG #5: He couldn’t wait. He was too hungry.
PIG #8: If he was too hungry, then why didn’t he just eat the cookies he was selling?
PIG #10: Because wolves don’t eat cookies!
PIG #4: Yeah!
PIG #10: they eat pork chops!
PIG #4: Yeah!
PIG #10: And ham hocks!
PIG #4: Yeah!
PIG #10: (To #4: ) And stop agreeing with everything I say.
PIG #4: Yeah!
PIG #2: All this talk about food is making me hungry.
PIG #7: Me too!
PIG #1: I wish we had some lunch or something.
BOY: (Entering, carrying a bucket.) Yoohoo! Piggies! It’s chow time! Want some pig slop?
PIGS: Yes please!
BOY: Come and get it!
The pigs run up to the boy. Then, the boy shows them that the bucket is empty.
BOY: Ha ha! I was just joking. It’s empty.
PIG #3: Ha, well, you sure fooled us, young man.
PIG #1: Now run along, little Boy Blue. We pigs have work to do.
PIG #8: Now as I was saying, I don’t think the wolf huffed and puffed at all.
PIG #3: Then how did the house fall down?
PIG #8: Think about it. Of the three little pigs, only one knew how to build houses well. And that little pig built his house out of brick. The houses of straw and sticks were so frail they could have fallen down when the wolf politely knocked on the door.
PIG #3: Politely knocked?! Do you believe this swine?
PIG #8: I’m just saying it’s possible. And since when do wolves blow air with the force of a hurricane?
PIG #9: That’s a very good point. I watched a documentary on wolves, and it didn’t mention a thing about huffing or puffing.
PIG #8: Which reminds me of something else the defense forgot to mention.
PIG #12: What’s that?
PIG #8: (Calls to a Bailiff, who could be dressed as a duck or some other animal.) Oh Bailiff, we’d like to examine a piece of evidence.
BAILIFF: Which one?
PIG #8: The wolf’s pack, please.
BAILIFF: Just a moment.
PIG #8: Thank you, Bailiff.
PIG #4: What’s a bailiff?
PIG #8: He’s like a policeman for the courtroom. Throughout the trial process, he keeps things in order.
PIG #7: Order? I’d like to order a large extra cheese pizza. Hold the pepperoni.
PIG #5: Not that kind of order!
PIG #2: Gee, I’m awful hungry.
The Boy enters, carrying a pizza box.
BOY: Free cheese pizza! Fresh from the oven! Absolutely delicious! Who wants a slice?
PIGS: Me! Me! I do! I do!
BOY: Ha, ha! Fooled you again!
PIG #2: Say, that’s not very nice.
PIG #6: Little Boy Blue, that joke is not funny anymore.
PIG #1: We’re trying to work here.
The boy leaves. The bailiff enters.
BAILIFF: Here’s the wolf’s pack. (Hands the pigs the pack.)
PIG #8: Let’s see. (Takes out items from the pack.) Here are the wolf scout cookies. And his wolf scout badge.
PIG #3: That doesn’t prove anything.
PIG #8: What about this? (Pulls out an asthma device.)
PIG#3: So what?
PIG #8: How could the so-called Big Bad Wolf huff and puff when he has asthma?!
Everyone gasps at this realization.
PIG #2: Oh my goodness.
PIG #3: So he’s got asthma medicine in his wolf pack.
PIG #10: He probably stole it. Wolves will do that.
PIG #9: Not all wolves are like that and you know it. I think we should have another vote.
PIG #1: Very well. Let’s go around the table. All those who think the defendant is guilty say oink. I’ll go first. I say “oink.”
PIG #2: Uh, oink.
PIG #3: Oink!
PIG #4: Not oinking.
PIG #5: Oh, what do you know? I still say “oink!”
PIG #6: Not oinking.
PIG #7: Oink.
PIG #8: Not oinking.
PIG #9: Not oinking.
PIG #10: Oink.
PIG #11: Oink.
PIG #12: Not oinking.
PIG #1: That’s seven oinks, and five not oinking.
PIG #3: You piggies call yourself a jury? You wanna let that Big Bad Wolf go free? What’s with you? (He points to the other pigs.) This little piggy is forgetful. And this little piggy is regretful. This little piggy’s brain went to the market. And this little piggy should have stayed home. And this little piggy (points to Pig #8)… This little piggy went went wee-wee-wee all over the justice system!
PIG #8: But there’s reasonable doubt. We don’t have enough evidence—
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