Six years ago a young man in his late twenties transitioned into a woman.
 She now lives in the San Francisco area and even though people have commented favorably on her beauty, she is very critical of herself.
 She has a good job, maintains most areas of her life pretty well, but has not had good relationships with men.
 The reason seems to be that most men think because she is a transsexual woman she's supposed to first want sex from them, and then money.
 She is extremely distraught over this, because all she ever wanted to do was live her life as a woman, not a whore.
 When she came to see me, the tears flowed as she spoke about feeling used by her new boyfriend.
 It was evident the pattern of dysfunction was still present in her current relationship.
Whenever a person doesn't feel good in their present circumstances, it's time to evaluate all aspects of their life to see if changes need to be made.
 For example: the transsexual woman who came to me was doing well in most areas of her life (which is commendable since many of us cannot manage our lives at all).
 Only the relationship component was a problem, so she needed to examine that element of her life by asking herself these questions:  Do I enjoy my intimate time with my lovers? What is happening when I begin to experience bad feelings?  Making love can be thwarted very easily if other circumstances in a relationship are not acceptable.
 There are many horror stories among male-to-female transsexuals about men who treat them with contempt, hatred and violence.
 Because these women experience disrespect for their morals and values, their emotions often get off track.
 Transsexual women may expect men to be shallow, only wanting sex, not a real commitment.
 Their feelings are influenced by fear of abandonment, rejection, or maybe even fear of success.
 (Yes, fear of success.
 There could be thoughts and feelings in a person's subconscious that are saying "you don't have a right to be in a successful, loving, healthy commitment.
") Oh, and then there's fear of commitment.
 Feelings of inferiority, guilt, and rejection, will likely sabotage almost any relationship.
 It is imperative that negative thoughts be closely examined in order to find the basis for the feelings attached to those thoughts.
 Then you will have a better idea of what you're dealing with.
Concentrating on what you love about your partner and ignoring the mind chatter can be difficult, but it's not impossible.
 Whenever you feel uncomfortable, first identify the emotion, and then use that feeling to generate a thought that is the exact opposite.
 Make a conscious effort to think about the more pleasant thought.
 Reach for a feeling that is purely positive.
 For example: if your mind says "I feel used because my partner wants sex all the time", realize the only negative word in that context is "used".
 So what's the opposite of feeling used? How about alive, passionate, beautiful, content, loved, appreciated? Those words are uplifting and encouraging.
 Emerson said, "Man becomes what he thinks about, most of the time.
" As we think happier thoughts, we can improve our own way of "being", which will attract joyful experiences into our life.