The Lez Boat

A cute little ditty, ?We?re all getting down on the lez boat,? is playing as the girls arrive for their fantastic Olivia vacation. Dana is swamped by girls asking for her autograph and saying how they loved it when she almost beat Capriati.

Dana and Alice have a big suite, sweet. But Shane, Jenny and Carmen have a teeny room with one king size bed. Jenny makes another comment about them all sleeping together and then skips out of the room.

Shane notices Jenny is acting weird, even for Jenny. I?ll say! And then during the sexpert presentation, Jenny stands up and asks what her advice is on three ways. Sorry, I didn?t hear her answer. I was too busy looking at Shane and Carmen be appalled.

Later while the three are dancing, Jenny pulls some kind of maneuver, which I?m not exactly sure how it worked, but she got Carmen and Shane to kiss. And then they pull away and you can just see the desire in Carmen, like she can?t breathe.

Jenny Gone Wild

Then Jenny is looking like she?s auditioning for a Girls gone Wild show, or perhaps one of Mark?s movies. She?s dancing with three girls around the pool. At least these girls look like real lesbians. Then Jenny lifts up her skirt and flashes some other girls and jumps into the pool. Carmen is looking rightfully confused. Why she doesn?t just push Jenny overboard and run off to play pirate with Shane right now is beyond me. Then at dinner Jenny is openly flirting with a very cute butch with Carmen sitting right next to her.

Well, at least we can say there was a butch on The L Word

Dana, My Captain

Alice presents Dana with a sexy captain?s uniform, which surprisingly she takes to immediately. She dons her new dildo and the captain?s hat. Looks like little Dana is coming out of her shell. And then Alice is coming out of the bathroom in a perky Julie McCoy outfit and things start to heat up. Suddenly there?s a knock at the door. Dana is late to dinner and gets dragged up to the Captain?s table in her captain?s uniform, package and all.

Bette is Beautiful

Bette is glowing as she steps out of her car to meet her dad. ?Daddy!? she yells, so happy to see him. But all that is whittled away bit by bit as Mr. Porter never asks a word about Tina and then invites Kit?s new boyfriend (The TOE Jam guy) to dinner. When Bette tells him that she and Tina have broken up, all Mr. Porter can say is, ?I don?t know what I?m supposed to say.? That cuts.

Mr. Porter is also looking kind of tippy and seems somewhat disoriented. He really must not be feeling well, because he invited Kit to dinner after who knows how many years. Daddy is surprised to learn that Kit runs a successful business. Kit, don?t tell him that Big TOE is married. You don?t want to ruin a good thing. Finally Bette breaks when her dad refers to Tina as Miss Kinnard, as if she were Bette?s grade school teacher or something. Bette flies off the handle at dear Daddy, telling him he has no regard for what Tina and she shared and how her eight-year relationship is just as significant as his to her mom and on and on. Mr. Porter just looks stunned. Kit reaches for his hand. Come on Kit, stand up for your sister!

Tina?s Big Award

Bette makes her way to the big award ceremony. As soon as Tina sees her, she shakes Helena off her arm and rushes to see Bette. Both women stand there glowing at each other and then Tina tells Bette she wants to ?date? her. She and Helena are not exclusive, she explains. Bette clearly wants more than just a ?date?, but she?s certainly not going to turn down the opportunity for more hot sex (see episode 2v9) and the chance to win Tina?s love and affection back. But you see where this is going, don?t you? Some kind of Bette/Helena catfight in an upcoming episode. Who do you think will win?

Back at dinner, Daddy isn?t doing so well. He collapses and Benjamin catches him. Bette has to leave Tina?s ceremony to rush to the hospital. Tina searches the crowd for her.

After Dinner

Captain Stubing (Dana) and Julie McCoy (Alice) are finally free to resume their Love Boat fantasy. Dana has just entered Alice?s back door, when suddenly she is overcome by sea sickness. Alice is clearly devastated. When are they going to have a chance to enact this fantasy again?