Do you consider yourself a lady's man? Not in the unfunny Tim Meadows of SNL sort-of-way, but in the Don't Hate the Playa, Hate the Game sort-of-way? There's nothing wrong with being out there, dressed to the nines and collecting womanly conquests like kids used to collect stamps back in the 1950s.
All right, all right we may take offence at you treating the objects of your desire abjectly, but as long as no one gets hurt (their feelings aside, of course) what can we say...
We just want you to understand the ramifications of your lifestyle, young man...
we want you to know what is brewing inside some of those girls' britches.
We also want you to know that STD testing is affordable, and so is oral herpes testing in particular.
Oh, and that it's never too late to grow the heck up.
Some of us get our kicks from riding roller coasters, others from hitting that home run way over the back fence and slowly jogging the bases as the crowd cheers.
Others need to be in a club, or a bar, or a neighborhood house party and saying and doing anything it takes to get a pretty girl to engage in sexual activity with you.
We understand that this behavior may say a lot more about you than the girls with whom you chase, but we also know, that just chastising you guys for it will get us-and you-nowhere.
Keep in mind as that music is blaring that those girls are probably not going to be doing anything with you later in the evening that they haven't done with a bunch of other guys a million times before.
Oh, and remember how affordable that oral herpes testing is.
You just may need to take that test one day...
very soon.
Let's take a look at the statistics regarding the American male and female and the rate of herpes within your-I mean their-circles, shall we? It may shock you to learn that while you are dancing your butt off (with that butt in question peeking out of your sagging jeans) that certified STD clinics are doing a brisk business because of this type of behavior.
For the record, doing "a brisk business" means GETTING PAID, SON! Okay back to statistics of herpes within your age group.
The medical professionals generally have a pretty good idea what sort of numbers we are talking about here-and they are sure to surprise you.
While one in five members of the entire American adolescent population will currently test positive for genital herpes-it is one in four American teens that will test positive for oral herpes.
That's right, one in four.
Are you thinking about testing now? Do the math, Einstein.
We're sure you can do this equation.
For every four pretty young things that you've bedded-and don't forget, you don't have to have had intercourse with them-ONE of them was infected with oral herpes! Enough of this tone, but we think it's important to speak in language that the most at-risk demographic can understand.
The behavior that you and your peers are engaging in is bad for your health.
You need to get to a certified STD clinic in your neighborhood and begin testing for things like herpes-both oral and genital.
It may seem like all fun and games right now, but how you are behaving is just plain dangerous.
Don't believe us because we are older.
After all, we'd never expect you to.
Just take a look at the numbers plain and simple.
And never forget that when we speak of herpes we are speaking about a virus, and a virus will never go away.
Once you catch the oral herpes virus or the genital herpes virus there is no curing it, there is only treating the symptoms for the rest of your long life.
All right, all right we may take offence at you treating the objects of your desire abjectly, but as long as no one gets hurt (their feelings aside, of course) what can we say...
We just want you to understand the ramifications of your lifestyle, young man...
we want you to know what is brewing inside some of those girls' britches.
We also want you to know that STD testing is affordable, and so is oral herpes testing in particular.
Oh, and that it's never too late to grow the heck up.
Some of us get our kicks from riding roller coasters, others from hitting that home run way over the back fence and slowly jogging the bases as the crowd cheers.
Others need to be in a club, or a bar, or a neighborhood house party and saying and doing anything it takes to get a pretty girl to engage in sexual activity with you.
We understand that this behavior may say a lot more about you than the girls with whom you chase, but we also know, that just chastising you guys for it will get us-and you-nowhere.
Keep in mind as that music is blaring that those girls are probably not going to be doing anything with you later in the evening that they haven't done with a bunch of other guys a million times before.
Oh, and remember how affordable that oral herpes testing is.
You just may need to take that test one day...
very soon.
Let's take a look at the statistics regarding the American male and female and the rate of herpes within your-I mean their-circles, shall we? It may shock you to learn that while you are dancing your butt off (with that butt in question peeking out of your sagging jeans) that certified STD clinics are doing a brisk business because of this type of behavior.
For the record, doing "a brisk business" means GETTING PAID, SON! Okay back to statistics of herpes within your age group.
The medical professionals generally have a pretty good idea what sort of numbers we are talking about here-and they are sure to surprise you.
While one in five members of the entire American adolescent population will currently test positive for genital herpes-it is one in four American teens that will test positive for oral herpes.
That's right, one in four.
Are you thinking about testing now? Do the math, Einstein.
We're sure you can do this equation.
For every four pretty young things that you've bedded-and don't forget, you don't have to have had intercourse with them-ONE of them was infected with oral herpes! Enough of this tone, but we think it's important to speak in language that the most at-risk demographic can understand.
The behavior that you and your peers are engaging in is bad for your health.
You need to get to a certified STD clinic in your neighborhood and begin testing for things like herpes-both oral and genital.
It may seem like all fun and games right now, but how you are behaving is just plain dangerous.
Don't believe us because we are older.
After all, we'd never expect you to.
Just take a look at the numbers plain and simple.
And never forget that when we speak of herpes we are speaking about a virus, and a virus will never go away.
Once you catch the oral herpes virus or the genital herpes virus there is no curing it, there is only treating the symptoms for the rest of your long life.
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