It is no surprise that preparing for a wedding is one of a woman's most stressful times in life.
Often she has to try to please everyone from family to friends even though it's not their wedding.
Expectations and emotions can run high during such a time.
Friends suddenly want to be your best friend, parents want to be recognized and honored, siblings want a special place in the ceremony, and disagreements can abound as to who to invite or not to invite.
Truly the devil can get in the details concerning how, what, where and with whom you will celebrate your wedding.
The key is to remember it is ultimately your wedding.
It amazes me how many people, be it family or friends, complain when your wedding is not done their way.
Of course those who complain the most usually financially contribute the least.
Here are some fast hard-hitting secrets to secure your sanity and keep your fiancearound while preparing for your wedding.
1.
Gauge to what extent your fiancewants to be involved.
Often guys could not care less how you do the wedding ceremony.
After all the guy wants to marry the girl, not all of the people coming to the wedding.
Most guys would happily marry the woman of their dreams anywhere.
It's usually the woman who is all idealized about what her big day should be.
The man can typically see beyond this and isn't overly mesmerized with the process since he knows the two of you very likely will be paying for the elaborate ceremony long after the wedding is over.
If your man is interested in the details and wants to get involved, so be it.
Happily involve him.
Perhaps there are some things he cares about more passionately than others.
Maybe the songs the dj will play or the color tuxedo he and the guys will wear will interest him.
Things that may not be overly interesting to him could be the party favors, decorations and the order of ceremony.
Know every guy is different so get a feel early on for his level of interest and to what extent he wants to be involved.
Don't try to lure him into your emotional frenzy just because you are all into the elaborate details.
Keep it fun.
Avoid pressuring him to make decisions about or participate in things he never signed up for.
2.
Minimize complaining to your man daily about the details of the wedding preparations.
Remember it wasn't complaining that enabled you to win his heart to begin with.
Therefore it won't be complaining that keeps his heart fond of you after he has said "I do.
" Stay happy and positive.
Keep your level of joy and pleasure strong in your relationship.
The last thing you want to do is drive him crazy before the wedding so he goes into it with mixed emotions.
If you're going to have a meltdown, do it privately with a good friend or your mother.
Spare your man the emotional roller coaster ride.
If you are one of those rare and lucky women who have an extra sensitive soul who genuinely understands you and wants to hear everything, than take the liberty to confide in him.
However avoid dumping on him or biting at him in irritation because of your preparation woes.
3.
Be thankful for the guy you are marrying more than fixating on how you are marrying him.
Keep things in perspective, you are marrying a man not a ceremony to excel your ego and promote yourself.
Don't get diverted from what is going on here.
Let your focus be your relationship, heartfelt interaction and sustaining a love that lasts a lifetime.
Don't get so business like and task oriented that you begin treating your future spouse like a co-worker from the office.
4.
Don't compare your wedding to that of your friends.
The quickest way to stress yourself out, drive yourself beyond your threshold of pain and have a breakdown is to try to be like somebody else.
Just because a close friend did her wedding one way and spent a certain sum of money does not mean you have to or should.
Unfortunately women tend to compare notes about how a wedding ceremony should be conducted, where it should be held and how elaborate the celebration should be.
(Oh come on ladies you certainly compare engagements rings.
)The best advice I can give you is to refrain from comparing notes and do it your way according to your desire and budget.
5.
Forget tradition.
Start your own tradition.
Don't feel obligated to conform to family, church or cultural traditions.
Be yourself.
Be a history maker.
Have fun and celebrate in a way most suitable for you.
If you are adventurous, break the mold and do something memorable.
If you prefer elegance and class, than don't be pressured by your friends to do things you don't deem appropriate.
6.
Stay within your designated budget.
A sure sign of coming marital woes is a spendthrift who exceeds her budget for a wedding.
Don't borrow from your future to pay for your today's.
It doesn't work.
You are essentially only robbing yourselves of your future.
Because after the wedding it is the two of you who must pay all the bills, juggle all of the credit card interest payments and stress about your debts incurred.
The quickest way you can gain your fiance's trust and make him feel confident about you is to honor him when budgeting a wedding.
Wedding preparations however tend to be a time when women lose it and go wild.
The emotional exuberance seems to take over when one is to be the center of attention and everyone is going to be there.
Just remember if after the wedding you never see your new groom because he is working two jobs to pay for "your wedding," don't be angry at him.
Every little girl dreams of her big wedding day but few save up financially for it.
Why is that?Perhaps therein lies the true psyche of a woman, that daddy or hubby will pay for me, shower me with gifts, me, me, me.
Beware of this mentality.
It's not only the princesses today who are becoming runaway brides.
Many men are catching on too and abandoning the thought of marriage altogether because of the drama they have seen and experienced pertaining to wedding preparations.
Don't get me wrong.
I wholeheartedly believe in the institution of marriage.
What I don't however believe in is the excessive merchandising of matrimony and the egofest it has become for some bridezillas.
In the old days they did things differently.
Women didn't expect big rocks and men didn't give them to women until after they were married and had proven themselves over many years.
They were much more modest, simple and sincere.
I think we would benefit returning to those days and ridding ourselves of the excesses that so often put us in debt.
Ladies, do yourself a favor and pace yourself.
Harness your emotions.
Think realistically and long-term when you budget your wedding.
Most importantly remember that when it is all over it is just the two of you.
7.
Say thank-you to all those who help you with your wedding.
Whether you deem your wedding a "success" or not (now that's an interesting topic worthy of discussion..
..
what makes a wedding a "success"), be quick to thank everyone for their time, gifts and contributions to make it happen.
If one thing is for sure, planning a wedding and all the events that precede it (showers and the rehearsal dinner) is not easy.
If you are fortunate enough to have some sweet family and friends to help you a bit with it all, consider yourself blessed and be thankful.
However never expect it.
Live and let live when they get involved, which is to say don't put unrealistic expectations on these people to go out of their way for "your big day.
"Be thankful for whatever they do and however they do it.
Remember they are volunteering and doing this from the kindness of their hearts, not because they have to.
Never compare gifts given be it past or present.
Happily and thankfully receive whatever is given you.
Don't put dollar amounts on people as to what you expect is customary to give.
Just because you chose to have a wedding that cost a certain dollar amount a plate does not mean that your guests will be thinking in that manner when they decide what to give you as a gift.
If they do, great for you.
If they don't, you shouldn't get disappointed.
Nowadays with the disintegration of the family, women are often having to prepare their own weddings as mothers are becoming less involved.
Having a wedding is quite similar to having a baby for a woman as she very much must take ownership of it.
Unlike a baby however a wedding day will come and go.
Therefore give your best when preparing, but when it is all said and done go with the flow.
Blessings, wishes for dream fulfillment and a love that lasts a lifetime.
Often she has to try to please everyone from family to friends even though it's not their wedding.
Expectations and emotions can run high during such a time.
Friends suddenly want to be your best friend, parents want to be recognized and honored, siblings want a special place in the ceremony, and disagreements can abound as to who to invite or not to invite.
Truly the devil can get in the details concerning how, what, where and with whom you will celebrate your wedding.
The key is to remember it is ultimately your wedding.
It amazes me how many people, be it family or friends, complain when your wedding is not done their way.
Of course those who complain the most usually financially contribute the least.
Here are some fast hard-hitting secrets to secure your sanity and keep your fiancearound while preparing for your wedding.
1.
Gauge to what extent your fiancewants to be involved.
Often guys could not care less how you do the wedding ceremony.
After all the guy wants to marry the girl, not all of the people coming to the wedding.
Most guys would happily marry the woman of their dreams anywhere.
It's usually the woman who is all idealized about what her big day should be.
The man can typically see beyond this and isn't overly mesmerized with the process since he knows the two of you very likely will be paying for the elaborate ceremony long after the wedding is over.
If your man is interested in the details and wants to get involved, so be it.
Happily involve him.
Perhaps there are some things he cares about more passionately than others.
Maybe the songs the dj will play or the color tuxedo he and the guys will wear will interest him.
Things that may not be overly interesting to him could be the party favors, decorations and the order of ceremony.
Know every guy is different so get a feel early on for his level of interest and to what extent he wants to be involved.
Don't try to lure him into your emotional frenzy just because you are all into the elaborate details.
Keep it fun.
Avoid pressuring him to make decisions about or participate in things he never signed up for.
2.
Minimize complaining to your man daily about the details of the wedding preparations.
Remember it wasn't complaining that enabled you to win his heart to begin with.
Therefore it won't be complaining that keeps his heart fond of you after he has said "I do.
" Stay happy and positive.
Keep your level of joy and pleasure strong in your relationship.
The last thing you want to do is drive him crazy before the wedding so he goes into it with mixed emotions.
If you're going to have a meltdown, do it privately with a good friend or your mother.
Spare your man the emotional roller coaster ride.
If you are one of those rare and lucky women who have an extra sensitive soul who genuinely understands you and wants to hear everything, than take the liberty to confide in him.
However avoid dumping on him or biting at him in irritation because of your preparation woes.
3.
Be thankful for the guy you are marrying more than fixating on how you are marrying him.
Keep things in perspective, you are marrying a man not a ceremony to excel your ego and promote yourself.
Don't get diverted from what is going on here.
Let your focus be your relationship, heartfelt interaction and sustaining a love that lasts a lifetime.
Don't get so business like and task oriented that you begin treating your future spouse like a co-worker from the office.
4.
Don't compare your wedding to that of your friends.
The quickest way to stress yourself out, drive yourself beyond your threshold of pain and have a breakdown is to try to be like somebody else.
Just because a close friend did her wedding one way and spent a certain sum of money does not mean you have to or should.
Unfortunately women tend to compare notes about how a wedding ceremony should be conducted, where it should be held and how elaborate the celebration should be.
(Oh come on ladies you certainly compare engagements rings.
)The best advice I can give you is to refrain from comparing notes and do it your way according to your desire and budget.
5.
Forget tradition.
Start your own tradition.
Don't feel obligated to conform to family, church or cultural traditions.
Be yourself.
Be a history maker.
Have fun and celebrate in a way most suitable for you.
If you are adventurous, break the mold and do something memorable.
If you prefer elegance and class, than don't be pressured by your friends to do things you don't deem appropriate.
6.
Stay within your designated budget.
A sure sign of coming marital woes is a spendthrift who exceeds her budget for a wedding.
Don't borrow from your future to pay for your today's.
It doesn't work.
You are essentially only robbing yourselves of your future.
Because after the wedding it is the two of you who must pay all the bills, juggle all of the credit card interest payments and stress about your debts incurred.
The quickest way you can gain your fiance's trust and make him feel confident about you is to honor him when budgeting a wedding.
Wedding preparations however tend to be a time when women lose it and go wild.
The emotional exuberance seems to take over when one is to be the center of attention and everyone is going to be there.
Just remember if after the wedding you never see your new groom because he is working two jobs to pay for "your wedding," don't be angry at him.
Every little girl dreams of her big wedding day but few save up financially for it.
Why is that?Perhaps therein lies the true psyche of a woman, that daddy or hubby will pay for me, shower me with gifts, me, me, me.
Beware of this mentality.
It's not only the princesses today who are becoming runaway brides.
Many men are catching on too and abandoning the thought of marriage altogether because of the drama they have seen and experienced pertaining to wedding preparations.
Don't get me wrong.
I wholeheartedly believe in the institution of marriage.
What I don't however believe in is the excessive merchandising of matrimony and the egofest it has become for some bridezillas.
In the old days they did things differently.
Women didn't expect big rocks and men didn't give them to women until after they were married and had proven themselves over many years.
They were much more modest, simple and sincere.
I think we would benefit returning to those days and ridding ourselves of the excesses that so often put us in debt.
Ladies, do yourself a favor and pace yourself.
Harness your emotions.
Think realistically and long-term when you budget your wedding.
Most importantly remember that when it is all over it is just the two of you.
7.
Say thank-you to all those who help you with your wedding.
Whether you deem your wedding a "success" or not (now that's an interesting topic worthy of discussion..
..
what makes a wedding a "success"), be quick to thank everyone for their time, gifts and contributions to make it happen.
If one thing is for sure, planning a wedding and all the events that precede it (showers and the rehearsal dinner) is not easy.
If you are fortunate enough to have some sweet family and friends to help you a bit with it all, consider yourself blessed and be thankful.
However never expect it.
Live and let live when they get involved, which is to say don't put unrealistic expectations on these people to go out of their way for "your big day.
"Be thankful for whatever they do and however they do it.
Remember they are volunteering and doing this from the kindness of their hearts, not because they have to.
Never compare gifts given be it past or present.
Happily and thankfully receive whatever is given you.
Don't put dollar amounts on people as to what you expect is customary to give.
Just because you chose to have a wedding that cost a certain dollar amount a plate does not mean that your guests will be thinking in that manner when they decide what to give you as a gift.
If they do, great for you.
If they don't, you shouldn't get disappointed.
Nowadays with the disintegration of the family, women are often having to prepare their own weddings as mothers are becoming less involved.
Having a wedding is quite similar to having a baby for a woman as she very much must take ownership of it.
Unlike a baby however a wedding day will come and go.
Therefore give your best when preparing, but when it is all said and done go with the flow.
Blessings, wishes for dream fulfillment and a love that lasts a lifetime.
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