Why are so many people single and sad & married and mad? Why is it that half of people who get married in our country later divorce each other? Surely incompatibility and irreconcilable differences account for many of these relationships ending in despair.
What than can we do to become more self-aware and learn more about the people we date before entering into an explosive long-term commitment destined to erode?Is it possible for hormonally challenged college students to look beyond a person's physical frame and discover the picture inside?I think so with a bit of discipline and predetermination.
Most students date a person based on initial attraction in hopes of developing an inner connection.
A far fewer number establish affinity and build the inward connection first, before pursuing meaningful relations.
This select few build a friendship first, after which the relationship naturally and progressively evolves from the inside out.
While being turned on by a hot guy or girl is seductive, building a relationship from the inside out is sustainable.
Those who are merely hormonal and physically inclined often stray to play elsewhere after the initial conquest.
How than can we avoid heartbreak and disappointment? Differentiate between a babe and a ticking time bomb? Discern between a stud and a dud? Spot a prince and a playboy? And guard against being used as a boy toy? Self-awareness is a discovery process, which progressively and experientially is made known to you as you live through various circumstances and seasons.
Physically we look into the mirror daily to make ourselves presentable and attractive in appearance.
Knowing yourself physically is rather easily.
Knowing yourself inwardly takes time, reflection, and evaluation.
Such soul searching is not commonly pursued by a culture running through life with their hair on fire.
Scurrying here, there, and everywhere to meet your daily obligations can be emotionally exhausting.
Taking a personal inventory is hard work.
Considering your thought life, attitudes, and behavioral patterns requires you be brutally honest with yourself.
Most prefer to deflect such self-scrutiny and opt to critique other people.
Dealing with our own unfinished business can be painful, but not as painful as perpetuating your pain as you repeatedly sabotage your relationships.
For those who commit to personal growth and do their homework, the rewards are endless and will have an amazing effect upon every area of your life.
Those who have discovered their values and become clear about what they want know how to purposefully pursue meaningful relationships and avoid unnecessary entanglements with people incompatible with their values.
This is half of the battle in and of itself.
Thereafter it's much about actively listening and intuitively understanding a person.
We all assign meaning differently based on our background.
The way we interpret the events of our lives and attach meaning to them creates our inner conclusions and convictions.
As erroneous, inaccurate, and presumptuous as our perception and conclusions may be; they nevertheless greatly direct our lives relationally and professionally.
That being said it behooves you to wholeheartedly hear constructive criticism from a close family member or friend who deeply knows you.
Confrontation is sometimes what we need to know ourselves, transcend our flawed illogical interpretations, alter our beliefs, and update our identity.
The tendency for most however is to run from such tough talk and fearfully avoid any such discussions that might not be flattering.
Insecurity perpetuates poor relational choices, leads to hasty decisions, and causes you to forfeit your personal power.
Having done so, thereafter such a person is easily manipulated and taken advantage of relationally.
Fearfully they try to hold on to a dying relationship, instead of letting it go so they in turn can grow.
As a result they deepen and further intensify their emotional agony.
Such self-destructive behavior attests to areas of the heart unsettled within, which need further work.
These tendencies leading to further torment can only be overcome as we affirm our personhood and reassert our personal power.
Once settled and sure of ourselves, we can reenter the dating world and put ourselves back into circulation.
Doing so prematurely before healing and being made whole is dangerous.
You may not realize you are wounded and bleeding, but everybody else can sense something about you is out of order and lacking.
Unconditionally love, accept, and allow yourself to fail.
If and when failure occurs, fail forward and be free from others opinions.
Loving and learning go hand in hand.
Embrace your own humanity and vulnerability relationally.
This cultivates sincerity and transparency, which is liberating relationally.
This foundation of strength and unconditional acceptance allows you to spontaneously learn, live, and love.
Embracing your own humanity enables you to live naturally and achieve authenticity, which is a most attractive quality.
Instead of trying to conform in hopes of gaining others approval, celebrate your distinct differences to elegantly attract what you are beautifully.
Expect serendipity to favor you relationally and patiently enjoy the journey wholeheartedly.
Connect with yourself and others deeply.
Celebrate your uniqueness fully.
Live and love fearlessly!