You are lying awake at 2AM.
Three hours ago, you asked your girlfriend to marry you.
She said "yes", but there is still a problem.
She is Jewish and you are not.
She is insisting on having an interfaith wedding with, as they say at the local Jewish deli, "all the works" - an interfaith ketubah with an interfaith text, Rabbi as an officiant, etc.
This article will help both of you through this potentially arduous process and probably keep you both out of "deep weeds.
" Leading off is the selection of an interfaith ketubah design.
First, let me just say here that there is no "official" interfaith ketubah.
There's just no such thing.
The term simply means a ketubah (or jewish marriage contract) that has a design and a text that is geared toward an interfaith couple.
So, starting off with choosing the design, there are two key points to consider: (1) She (the Jewish one) probably shouldn't rock the boat too much by selecting an interfaith ketubah design that possesses too much (or any) Jewish symbolism.
For example, you may want to avoid ketubot that depict the Star of David or Jewish scripture.
There are many interfaith ketubahs on the market that are simply beautiful works of art with no religious symbolism.
(2) You (the non-Jewish one) have to be tolerant and wholly participate in the selection process.
You both will probably be staring at this work of art for the next 50 (at least) years on your wall so my suggestion is to pick out a design that will make both of you happy.
Batting second is the choosing of a text that becomes "incorporated" into the design.
Like the ketubah selection, there are two key points to be addressed: (1) It is not appropriate to select any text that is in Aramaic (unless you are Mel Gibson).
Aramaic texts are primarily for Conservative or Orthodox Jews.
Reform text might "feed the bulldog," however, you both are better off with a non-denominational interfaith text.
(2) Beware of texts that might offend.
For example, texts with references to Moses, Sarah, Abraham, Israel, etc.
should be avoided.
Interfaith texts that contain such Jewish oriented phrases such as "home be built on Torah...
" or "traditional Jewish spirit" should be jettisoned or tossed out the nearest air-lock.
An interfaith ketubah text, like most traditional ketubah texts, typically contains two portions: one in English and one in Hebrew (the Hebrew is a direct translation of the English).
A ketubah with both English and Hebrew will probably not cause any difficulties, however, if it does you can always select an English-only text or choose to write your own vows for a completely customized interfaith text.
Next up: The officiant vs.
interfaith text.
If a Rabbi or Cantor will be officiating at your ceremony, it is a good idea to have him or her approve the text.
Although an interfaith ketubah is not a legal document according to Jewish law (unlike an Orthodox or Conservative ketubah), some officiants still have strict policies about what kind of text they will (or will not) allow on an interfaith ketubah.
Remember officiants are all different, and since your officiant is the final authority on what is permitted at your wedding, you definitely want to know ahead of time if your text selection will be permitted.
Finally -- Batting clean-up: Personalizing your interfaith text.
Once you have selected your ketubah design and have chosen or composed your ketubah text, the next task is personalizing the text, i.
e.
, filling in the blanks within the chosen text with the names, dates, location, etc.
If the Jewish partner has a Hebrew name, it is customary to use it on the ketubah, in conjunction with the parents' Hebrew names.
Then comes the tricky part: The single most often interfaith text question that is asked surfaces: My fiance is not Jewish; how do we handle the Hebrew names for him and his parents? There are two possible answers to this question: (1) Omit the non-Jewish people from the text or, (2) My personal preference, allow the names to be transliterated (i.
e.
, put their names phonetically into Hebrew).
Relax, no one is getting a Hebrew name here - Jewish people know for sure that one has to go through hoops to get a Hebrew name - it is simply putting the name into Hebrew letters (like spelling an Israeli name in English letters).
This process ensures that all people within both texts have been included therefore resulting in a "balanced" ketubah.
I would not recommend making up a Hebrew name for the non-Jewish partner for the same reason mentioned above and it is likely that most officiants will not approve.
So next time when you are lying awake at 2AM and your sweetheart has given you the proverbial Marv Alpert's 'Yes' to the kneeling down and groveling question, but as a condition wants a Jewish-oriented ceremony, re-read this article and roll over and go back to sleep.
You are going to certainly need your rest for the most important event in your life time.
Three hours ago, you asked your girlfriend to marry you.
She said "yes", but there is still a problem.
She is Jewish and you are not.
She is insisting on having an interfaith wedding with, as they say at the local Jewish deli, "all the works" - an interfaith ketubah with an interfaith text, Rabbi as an officiant, etc.
This article will help both of you through this potentially arduous process and probably keep you both out of "deep weeds.
" Leading off is the selection of an interfaith ketubah design.
First, let me just say here that there is no "official" interfaith ketubah.
There's just no such thing.
The term simply means a ketubah (or jewish marriage contract) that has a design and a text that is geared toward an interfaith couple.
So, starting off with choosing the design, there are two key points to consider: (1) She (the Jewish one) probably shouldn't rock the boat too much by selecting an interfaith ketubah design that possesses too much (or any) Jewish symbolism.
For example, you may want to avoid ketubot that depict the Star of David or Jewish scripture.
There are many interfaith ketubahs on the market that are simply beautiful works of art with no religious symbolism.
(2) You (the non-Jewish one) have to be tolerant and wholly participate in the selection process.
You both will probably be staring at this work of art for the next 50 (at least) years on your wall so my suggestion is to pick out a design that will make both of you happy.
Batting second is the choosing of a text that becomes "incorporated" into the design.
Like the ketubah selection, there are two key points to be addressed: (1) It is not appropriate to select any text that is in Aramaic (unless you are Mel Gibson).
Aramaic texts are primarily for Conservative or Orthodox Jews.
Reform text might "feed the bulldog," however, you both are better off with a non-denominational interfaith text.
(2) Beware of texts that might offend.
For example, texts with references to Moses, Sarah, Abraham, Israel, etc.
should be avoided.
Interfaith texts that contain such Jewish oriented phrases such as "home be built on Torah...
" or "traditional Jewish spirit" should be jettisoned or tossed out the nearest air-lock.
An interfaith ketubah text, like most traditional ketubah texts, typically contains two portions: one in English and one in Hebrew (the Hebrew is a direct translation of the English).
A ketubah with both English and Hebrew will probably not cause any difficulties, however, if it does you can always select an English-only text or choose to write your own vows for a completely customized interfaith text.
Next up: The officiant vs.
interfaith text.
If a Rabbi or Cantor will be officiating at your ceremony, it is a good idea to have him or her approve the text.
Although an interfaith ketubah is not a legal document according to Jewish law (unlike an Orthodox or Conservative ketubah), some officiants still have strict policies about what kind of text they will (or will not) allow on an interfaith ketubah.
Remember officiants are all different, and since your officiant is the final authority on what is permitted at your wedding, you definitely want to know ahead of time if your text selection will be permitted.
Finally -- Batting clean-up: Personalizing your interfaith text.
Once you have selected your ketubah design and have chosen or composed your ketubah text, the next task is personalizing the text, i.
e.
, filling in the blanks within the chosen text with the names, dates, location, etc.
If the Jewish partner has a Hebrew name, it is customary to use it on the ketubah, in conjunction with the parents' Hebrew names.
Then comes the tricky part: The single most often interfaith text question that is asked surfaces: My fiance is not Jewish; how do we handle the Hebrew names for him and his parents? There are two possible answers to this question: (1) Omit the non-Jewish people from the text or, (2) My personal preference, allow the names to be transliterated (i.
e.
, put their names phonetically into Hebrew).
Relax, no one is getting a Hebrew name here - Jewish people know for sure that one has to go through hoops to get a Hebrew name - it is simply putting the name into Hebrew letters (like spelling an Israeli name in English letters).
This process ensures that all people within both texts have been included therefore resulting in a "balanced" ketubah.
I would not recommend making up a Hebrew name for the non-Jewish partner for the same reason mentioned above and it is likely that most officiants will not approve.
So next time when you are lying awake at 2AM and your sweetheart has given you the proverbial Marv Alpert's 'Yes' to the kneeling down and groveling question, but as a condition wants a Jewish-oriented ceremony, re-read this article and roll over and go back to sleep.
You are going to certainly need your rest for the most important event in your life time.
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