Your husband has had an affair; you just found out about it and you're shocked to say the least. Numb may be a more appropriate description, especially considering that he's a Christian. Is there any way you can stop your husband who calls himself a Christian from straying? Once, the affair has happened, no. But there are certain things you can do afterwards that my help you deal with the devastating affects of your spouse's decision to cheat on you behind your back.
Here are three tidbits of advice that may help you retain your faith in God and sanity at the same time:
How to cope with adultery in your Christian marriage; advice tidbit 1: Get the help you need. You may not have a whole heck of a lot to say to your spouse right now. You may not know how you feel exactly, as you're still in shock over your discovery of the affair. Or, you may or you may be so angry and hurt that you just can't talk to him or her right now. That's alright. The first thing to do after resolving to move towards and not away from God, is to get help. At this point, leave your spouse out of it: this is for you.
Set up an appointment with your pastor or Christian counselor, at church or in the city where you live. Go to discuss how you feel. Once you've worked through your emotions and come to terms with what happened, then you'll be in a place to sort out your next steps. Will you reconcile or get back together with your spouse? Will he or she be willing to receive counseling to repair your damaged relationship? Do you even want to go that direction? These are some things you'll likely look at. But for now, just reach out to get the help you need.
How to cope with adultery in your Christian marriage; advice tidbit 2: Spend quality time with God whenever you need to. Wherever you're at emotionally and spiritually with what happened, make sure that you continue to believe in your Father who loves you. Continue to dwell on the Word of God and His love for you during these painful next few weeks and months.
The most important thing you could probably ever do to get over your spouse's affair is to open up your heart to God and allow Him in to this hurtful place in your life. Go to God and tell Him how you feel. Pour out your heart before your Abba, Daddy. Scream, rant and rave at Him. Cry out to Him in your pain and He will hear you. He can take it. And He will heal your heart over time. When you come to Him, God can act and begin the healing process in your life, whether that means getting back together with your spouse or not. Don't worry about what you're going to do, just spend time with Him through reading the Word, listening to worship music, journaling, or getting more involved in your church.
How to cope with adultery in your Christian marriage; advice tidbit 3: Trust God with your emotions, your marriage, your life. Just because your spouse wasn't faithful doesn't mean that God isn't still faithful to you. He loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life - which hasn't changed - even though your spouse has made some poor decisions. Emotionally you may be a wreck, and feeling hopeless. Are you angry, bitter, resentful? Do you blame God for your spouse's infidelity?
Most importantly, choose to remain faithful to God and turn to Him, not away from Him. And remember, though you may not be able to see it now, somehow, all things will turn out ok; all things work together for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Regardless of how you feel, God is there for you, if you only go to Him. He cares. Look up Scripture for encouragement that speaks of His love for you. Be encouraged in the Word of God. Get with friends who can support you during this difficult time.
Here are three tidbits of advice that may help you retain your faith in God and sanity at the same time:
How to cope with adultery in your Christian marriage; advice tidbit 1: Get the help you need. You may not have a whole heck of a lot to say to your spouse right now. You may not know how you feel exactly, as you're still in shock over your discovery of the affair. Or, you may or you may be so angry and hurt that you just can't talk to him or her right now. That's alright. The first thing to do after resolving to move towards and not away from God, is to get help. At this point, leave your spouse out of it: this is for you.
Set up an appointment with your pastor or Christian counselor, at church or in the city where you live. Go to discuss how you feel. Once you've worked through your emotions and come to terms with what happened, then you'll be in a place to sort out your next steps. Will you reconcile or get back together with your spouse? Will he or she be willing to receive counseling to repair your damaged relationship? Do you even want to go that direction? These are some things you'll likely look at. But for now, just reach out to get the help you need.
How to cope with adultery in your Christian marriage; advice tidbit 2: Spend quality time with God whenever you need to. Wherever you're at emotionally and spiritually with what happened, make sure that you continue to believe in your Father who loves you. Continue to dwell on the Word of God and His love for you during these painful next few weeks and months.
The most important thing you could probably ever do to get over your spouse's affair is to open up your heart to God and allow Him in to this hurtful place in your life. Go to God and tell Him how you feel. Pour out your heart before your Abba, Daddy. Scream, rant and rave at Him. Cry out to Him in your pain and He will hear you. He can take it. And He will heal your heart over time. When you come to Him, God can act and begin the healing process in your life, whether that means getting back together with your spouse or not. Don't worry about what you're going to do, just spend time with Him through reading the Word, listening to worship music, journaling, or getting more involved in your church.
How to cope with adultery in your Christian marriage; advice tidbit 3: Trust God with your emotions, your marriage, your life. Just because your spouse wasn't faithful doesn't mean that God isn't still faithful to you. He loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life - which hasn't changed - even though your spouse has made some poor decisions. Emotionally you may be a wreck, and feeling hopeless. Are you angry, bitter, resentful? Do you blame God for your spouse's infidelity?
Most importantly, choose to remain faithful to God and turn to Him, not away from Him. And remember, though you may not be able to see it now, somehow, all things will turn out ok; all things work together for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. Regardless of how you feel, God is there for you, if you only go to Him. He cares. Look up Scripture for encouragement that speaks of His love for you. Be encouraged in the Word of God. Get with friends who can support you during this difficult time.
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