Tips for Disciplining Out of Control Teens

Your role as a parent is not necessarily to be your child's friend.teens cry image by Andrey Kiselev from Fotolia.com

Children do not stop throwing fits after the "terrible twos." Once they become teenagers, they start testing the boundaries as they attempt to figure out who they are, strive for independence and begin displaying behaviors that may or may not be healthy. When it comes to discipline, it is important to remember that it is different from punishment. Discipline involves logical consequences to behavior and lets a parent and teen share control of the situation.

Be the Adult, Not the Friend

It is natural for a parent to want her teen to like her. However, your role as a parent is not necessarily to be your child's friend, to be nice or to make him happy all the time. As a parent, you are the adult and the authority figure in the relationship. Your job is to make sure your child is safe and acts responsibly. If you do not take the role of as the adult of the family, your teen is more likely to try to assume a role as a pseudo-adult, which can cause clashes. Your Social Worker says parents must make it clear to their teens that they are not afraid to take control when their teen gets out of control.

Logical consequences are those that naturally follow an action. For example, if you go outside with only a tank top and shorts on while it is snowing, you will consequently feel cold. Teens need to know they can expect the same from their behavior and actions. For example, if a teen breaks curfew, he can expect to have an earlier curfew time. If a teen was supposed to do the dishes, but he played video games instead, he can expect to not be allowed to play video games over the weekend. According to Your Social Worker, your teen will remain out of control until you hold him accountable to reasonable expectations. In addition, make sure your teen understands what your expectations are; he is not a mind reader.

Do not forget about positive consequences. For example, praise a teen when he gets good grades. If he was helpful with his siblings, thank him and let him stay out later with his friends the next time they go out. This will show your teen that acting responsible can help him feel good about himself and earn privileges.

If you constantly threaten to ground your teen for not getting passing grades, but you never make good on your promise, your teen will not be encouraged to raise his grades. Teens do well when there is structure. If, for example, you call the police every time your teen acts violently or has drugs in the home, he will soon realize you mean it when you tell him you will not tolerate certain behavior or actions.