Today, I read an interesting letter written to the editors at Field and Stream magazine, written by one Odie Ellis. Mr. Ellis wants the federales to list Bigfoot under the Endangered Species Act.
Why Bigfoot should be placed on the Endangered Species List:
"This is a very important matter indeed, which needs addressing, and your help would be greatly appreciated. I am drafting this letter in an effort to garner your support on a topic to which I beseech to you would be a monumental issue indeed. I implore you not to take
this issue lightly, it is one that will set an example for years to come and will undeniably set the standard on how all species will make their way to this most sacred of documents pertaining to the continuity of any genus.
I am not trying in any way to debate this being's existence; I am simply attempting to protect this animal's right to the continuity of its species, if in fact it does exist. I have checked the list and have found that this animal is not recorded as an endangered
species. I do not know if this is an oversight, or simply just apathy. But I would like to inform you that at current there are species of animal who are on the list at which we do not currently have conformation of still existing. Case in point would be the Amargosa Vole, a rodent whose current existence is undetermined, who possibly may at this very moment be extinct...along with countless others..."
Oh boy...we had better hope that Fat Al and the Eflakes don't hear about this argument...because it's just crazy enough to get them interested. I can just see them pulling at their earlobes, and rubbing their ecotummies as they contemplate getting a fictional character on the Endangered Species List.
Well by golly...if Bigfoot goes on the list...so does El Chupacabra. He's been terrorizing Mexico and parts of the southwestern United States for years. A friend of mine had a housekeeper who wouldn't go in his house when the dog was there, because she thought it was El Chupacabra. The dog was a large black lab, with a big bark, which was 99% bluster. But every Wednesday, he had to park the dog outside in the kennel, because nothing would convince the woman that the lab wasn't the hound from Hell.
And if we're going to put Bigfoot and El Chupacabra on the list, why not vampires? God knows there are millions of people who believe that there is a vampire around every corner. While we're at it, Leprechauns could be added, and so could Chucky.
Once they get on the list, we could make them eligible for citizenship, give them voting rights and pay for their healthcare. And we'll all learn how to speak animal, so as not to inconvenience anybody. We'll get their textbooks printed in animal, too, and redesign all our toilet facilities, so they don't feel left out. Does a bear shizz in the woods? Not anymore.
As you can see...there is no shortage of folks "out there" who are suffering from extremely low levels of Omega 3. They are so far gone that they'll even sign their real name to their letters, and offer up their address, like there is going to be a reply. I'm sorry...I don't speak Bigfoot, El Chupacabra, or know anybody who does.
Why Bigfoot should be placed on the Endangered Species List:
"This is a very important matter indeed, which needs addressing, and your help would be greatly appreciated. I am drafting this letter in an effort to garner your support on a topic to which I beseech to you would be a monumental issue indeed. I implore you not to take
this issue lightly, it is one that will set an example for years to come and will undeniably set the standard on how all species will make their way to this most sacred of documents pertaining to the continuity of any genus.
I am not trying in any way to debate this being's existence; I am simply attempting to protect this animal's right to the continuity of its species, if in fact it does exist. I have checked the list and have found that this animal is not recorded as an endangered
species. I do not know if this is an oversight, or simply just apathy. But I would like to inform you that at current there are species of animal who are on the list at which we do not currently have conformation of still existing. Case in point would be the Amargosa Vole, a rodent whose current existence is undetermined, who possibly may at this very moment be extinct...along with countless others..."
Oh boy...we had better hope that Fat Al and the Eflakes don't hear about this argument...because it's just crazy enough to get them interested. I can just see them pulling at their earlobes, and rubbing their ecotummies as they contemplate getting a fictional character on the Endangered Species List.
Well by golly...if Bigfoot goes on the list...so does El Chupacabra. He's been terrorizing Mexico and parts of the southwestern United States for years. A friend of mine had a housekeeper who wouldn't go in his house when the dog was there, because she thought it was El Chupacabra. The dog was a large black lab, with a big bark, which was 99% bluster. But every Wednesday, he had to park the dog outside in the kennel, because nothing would convince the woman that the lab wasn't the hound from Hell.
And if we're going to put Bigfoot and El Chupacabra on the list, why not vampires? God knows there are millions of people who believe that there is a vampire around every corner. While we're at it, Leprechauns could be added, and so could Chucky.
Once they get on the list, we could make them eligible for citizenship, give them voting rights and pay for their healthcare. And we'll all learn how to speak animal, so as not to inconvenience anybody. We'll get their textbooks printed in animal, too, and redesign all our toilet facilities, so they don't feel left out. Does a bear shizz in the woods? Not anymore.
As you can see...there is no shortage of folks "out there" who are suffering from extremely low levels of Omega 3. They are so far gone that they'll even sign their real name to their letters, and offer up their address, like there is going to be a reply. I'm sorry...I don't speak Bigfoot, El Chupacabra, or know anybody who does.
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