Difficult conversations at work are rarely approached from the standpoint of listening rather than speaking.
Yet, listening is the most powerful communication tool you can use to calm people down and open the gateway to understanding and agreement.
Rather than worrying about what you are going to say, arm yourself with superb listening skills.
Go beyond superficial or pretend listening and practice truly empathic listening.
Here are five ways to listen, communicate and avoid misunderstanding: 1.
Decide to be fully present and give your complete attention to the speaker.
Relax.
This is your opportunity to learn something and you won't have to worry about what to say next.
2.
Listen for what might be going on under the surface.
This does not mean to judge, rather it means to listen for feelings, attitudes, values and fears.
What point-of--view has the speaker taken that you might not have considered before? What ways does that point-of--view make sense even if you disagree? Open up to learning something about the speaker you might not have understood prior to the conversation.
Ask yourself why they might feel as they do.
3.
Difficult conversations stem from fear regardless of any outward expression of aggression or attack.
Keeping this in mind gives you the opportunity to listen for the basis of that fear.
Fear is universal regardless of your position.
Think about it-if you feel uncomfortable or apprehensive about engaging in a difficult conversation then it is likely the other person feels the same way.
What might he or she fear the most-is it job loss, loss of respect, fear of being seen as incompetent, fear of reprisal, looking foolish or the inability to express him or herself with clarity to make a point? Simply taking on this outlook will give you a deeper understanding and the opportunity to calm down and broaden your knowledge.
4.
Practice listening to the entire message without reacting emotionally to any single point that triggers a strong response in you.
Taking things out of context causes misunderstandings and is disrespectful to the speaker.
You just might be surprised to learn you agree on more than you thought you did once you hear and understand the whole message.
5.
Ask if there is anything more the speaker needs to express before responding.
This might be the most difficult skill to practice.
After all, who wants to hear more especially if it involves complaints, criticisms or critiques? But, this might be the most important question of all.
It absolutely tells the speaker that you are willing to hear them out and that you understand that the first round of expression might be filled with emotion rather than with logic.
Nothing says I'm listening like the question, "Is there anything else?" Someone that feels as though they are being heard for the first time will become open to the possibility that an agreement can be met.
What do you need to learn about listening with empathy?
Yet, listening is the most powerful communication tool you can use to calm people down and open the gateway to understanding and agreement.
Rather than worrying about what you are going to say, arm yourself with superb listening skills.
Go beyond superficial or pretend listening and practice truly empathic listening.
Here are five ways to listen, communicate and avoid misunderstanding: 1.
Decide to be fully present and give your complete attention to the speaker.
Relax.
This is your opportunity to learn something and you won't have to worry about what to say next.
2.
Listen for what might be going on under the surface.
This does not mean to judge, rather it means to listen for feelings, attitudes, values and fears.
What point-of--view has the speaker taken that you might not have considered before? What ways does that point-of--view make sense even if you disagree? Open up to learning something about the speaker you might not have understood prior to the conversation.
Ask yourself why they might feel as they do.
3.
Difficult conversations stem from fear regardless of any outward expression of aggression or attack.
Keeping this in mind gives you the opportunity to listen for the basis of that fear.
Fear is universal regardless of your position.
Think about it-if you feel uncomfortable or apprehensive about engaging in a difficult conversation then it is likely the other person feels the same way.
What might he or she fear the most-is it job loss, loss of respect, fear of being seen as incompetent, fear of reprisal, looking foolish or the inability to express him or herself with clarity to make a point? Simply taking on this outlook will give you a deeper understanding and the opportunity to calm down and broaden your knowledge.
4.
Practice listening to the entire message without reacting emotionally to any single point that triggers a strong response in you.
Taking things out of context causes misunderstandings and is disrespectful to the speaker.
You just might be surprised to learn you agree on more than you thought you did once you hear and understand the whole message.
5.
Ask if there is anything more the speaker needs to express before responding.
This might be the most difficult skill to practice.
After all, who wants to hear more especially if it involves complaints, criticisms or critiques? But, this might be the most important question of all.
It absolutely tells the speaker that you are willing to hear them out and that you understand that the first round of expression might be filled with emotion rather than with logic.
Nothing says I'm listening like the question, "Is there anything else?" Someone that feels as though they are being heard for the first time will become open to the possibility that an agreement can be met.
What do you need to learn about listening with empathy?
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