Q.
My husband has never really placed much importance on "occasions" but has certainly never forgotten one before.
I reminded him about our 10th wedding anniversary as I truly think it is important and would like to have done something special.
I was surprisingly disappointed.
But he thinks it is not an issue at all and has done nothing to even apologise or attempt to redeem himself in anyway.
Am I wrong to have feel let down? (Karina) A.
You are not wrong to feel let down at all, but if your husband has never forgotten before and he also does not seem remorseful or apologetic for missing such a major occasion, it is likely that he has done it deliberately out of resentment for something else.
This is the time to seek a very calm and quiet chat, which will be on four levels: 1.
First, to affirm him and thank him for being a wonderful husband and for everything you've both enjoyed so far.
Often when something goes wrong, we merely concentrate on the negatives and make things worse.
2.
Then let him know how disappointed you were about him forgetting and how surprising that was for you, as it was not like him at all.
3.
Ask if he's feeling all right about things.
Is there anything bothering him you might be able to help with? Is he really happy? And then LISTEN.
It is not just about one party in the relationship, and often we focus on ourself a lot forgetting the other person's needs.
4.
Tell him that you hope he can appreciate how disappointed you feel as you are proud of the marriage and naturally wish to celebrate it.
You are also sure he would be disappointed if you forgot something very important to him.
Ask if you can both do something else to make up for it soon.
Then see what happens.
Expectations and their unfulfilment kill relationships by encouraging resentment and tit-for-tat behaviour.
If he is a very good husband otherwise, I would forgive this lapse, praise him to the skies and wait for the next occasion to see how he behaves.
If it becomes a pattern, you have real trouble brewing!