The arrival of spring brings many opportunities for high school teens to celebrate at parties, proms, and graduations.
Parents want their teens to enjoy these special times, but we know that these celebrations can turn deadly in an instant.
If we could wave a magic wand to keep our kids safe, we would.
It isn't that simple, but parents do have the ability to influence their teen's behavior if they tune into potential risk factors before a problem arises.
Below is a simple checklist that can help you begin to assess your teen's likelihood to engage in risky behavior.
Take a minute to read the statements and put a check next to all that are true--and be honest.
The more check marks you see, the higher the risk potential.
After you finish, you will find ten tips for keeping your teen safe.
--My teen is planning to attend the prom, graduation parties (including graduation from middle school), or other celebratory events with their friends.
--My teenager has a natural inclination toward taking risks.
--My teen shows curiosity and interest toward having new experiences.
--My teenager is lonely or depressed due to a recent break-up or an issue with friends.
--I know or suspect that my teenager's friends use alcohol or drugs.
--My teen admires some people who use alcohol or drugs.
--I question my teen's judgment or honesty at times.
--My teenager has a fair amount of unscheduled free time for which he or she is not held accountable.
--My teen is not a member of a group or team with rules that include staying sober.
--My teen has an older sibling who has used alcohol or drugs.
--My teen is between 16 and 18(worth 2 check marks).
--My teen is between 13 and 15(worth one check mark).
"I think it is important for parents to listen more to their children and try to compromise more.
If my parents and I had talked instead of yelled, we would have solved problems easier.
Parents need to be authoritative but willing to listen and compromise.
" Courtney, age 21, Texas Ten Tips to Help You Keep Your Teen Safe 1.
Strengthen your relationship.
Teenagers who have a mutually respectful relationship with their parents are much more likely to engage in behavior that will maintain that relationship.
Teens who have a positive relationship with their parents don't want to disappoint them.
Action:Spend time together; invest in this relationship continually.
Be someone your teenager enjoys being around.
2.
Assess your own behavior.
Parents who drink too much alcohol set an example for teenagers that may be dangerous.
Similarly, parents who use drugs will probably have kids who do the same.
Parents who behave responsibly set examples that will influence their teens for the rest of their lives.
Remember, your teens are always watching you.
Action: Set a good example for safe ways to have fun.
3.
Don't try to be a "cool" parent.
Parents who condone parties with alcohol in their homes are breaking the law and creating a potential lethal situation.
If you try to be cool and look the other way, you are giving permission for your teen to misbehave.
Action: Suggest and encourage activities that are fun for teenagers and keep them engaged appropriately and safely.
Volunteer to drive or to organize events for groups of friends.
4.
Keep tabs on your teen.
Parents who monitor their teen's whereabouts and companions influence their teen's behavior.
Parental monitoring is associated with lower incidences of alcohol and drug consumption and reduced early sexual activity.
Action:Always know where your teen is, and who he or she is with.
Get acquainted with your teen's friends.
5.
Build your network.
Parents who are connected with one another help keep teens safe.
Connected parents are informed parents, and your peers can help you see new solutions or tactics.
Also, don't be shy to contact homes where kids are "hanging out" or attending parties to make sure adults are present and are supervising the activities there.
Action: Make it a priority to meet the parents of your teen's friends.
Consider forming a parent discussion group.
6.
Keep your communication open and honest.
Parents and teens who are able to communicate openly and honestly create the environment in which they can discuss the dangers and temptations of risky behavior.
This allows an opportunity for parents to help teens problem-solve and plan strategies to get out of potentially dangerous situations.
Action: Let your teen know that you are aware that risky behavior can be tempting.
Demonstrate that your teen can talk to you about these issues honestly and that you can provide knowledgeable guidance without getting upset.
7.
Learn the danger signs.
Parents need to know the signs of alcohol poisoning and drug use, as well as current fads with teens in their community so that they can guide their kids intelligently.
Action: Speak with school officials, read local papers, and know the issues that are present in your community.
Know the signs of drug use; know what conditions of alcohol consumption warrant a trip to the emergency room.
8.
Make an escape plan.
With your teen, create a code word that can be used to tell you he or she needs to be picked up immediately.
If you help your kids save face they will trust and rely on you to help them avoid risky behavior.
Try to brainstorm with them various ways to say "no" and to get themselves out of bad situations.
Action: Talk with your teen to create a plan that will help him or her to leave an uncomfortable situation.
Assure him or her that you will be supportive without getting angry or upset.
9.
Define the rules and be consistent.
Parents who provide clearly articulated and consistent rules and expectations help kids make better choices.
Your consistency will help your teenager stick to the rules.
Action:If infractions occur, be consistent in your message, your behavior, and your application of consequences each time.
Teens value fairness.
10.
If you can't keep them "clean," at least keep them safe.
Some teens are going to try risky activities no matter what you do.
If you can't stop it, do everything possible to keep them safe.
Use this as a last resort because you run the risk of appearing to endorse dangerous and illegal behavior.
Action:At a minimum, make sure your teen knows that binge drinking can be deadly, that unwanted sexual encounters are not uncommon when kids are drinking, and that drinking and driving should never ever be combined.
Finally--does your teen know that your love is unconditional and you'll always be there to provide support? If you haven't said that in awhile, now is the time.
Good kids sometimes make bad choices and experimentation is a common drive for teenagers.
Even though the law is black and white and the advice from the experts is quite clear,the real world has many shades of gray.
Your choices won't always be easy, but if you treat your teen with respect while teaching him to make good choices, you'll be laying a strong foundation to keep him safe.
"Teenagers need boundaries, whether they say so or not, and parents need to be parents as well as to be their children's friends.
My parents did a really good job in giving me boundaries and rewards for my appropriate behavior.
They gave me a curfew which, although I did not enjoy it at the time,gave me limits.
They also gave me a sex talk and reminded me about the effects of drugs and alcohol.
" Sarah, age 21, Massachusetts
Parents want their teens to enjoy these special times, but we know that these celebrations can turn deadly in an instant.
If we could wave a magic wand to keep our kids safe, we would.
It isn't that simple, but parents do have the ability to influence their teen's behavior if they tune into potential risk factors before a problem arises.
Below is a simple checklist that can help you begin to assess your teen's likelihood to engage in risky behavior.
Take a minute to read the statements and put a check next to all that are true--and be honest.
The more check marks you see, the higher the risk potential.
After you finish, you will find ten tips for keeping your teen safe.
--My teen is planning to attend the prom, graduation parties (including graduation from middle school), or other celebratory events with their friends.
--My teenager has a natural inclination toward taking risks.
--My teen shows curiosity and interest toward having new experiences.
--My teenager is lonely or depressed due to a recent break-up or an issue with friends.
--I know or suspect that my teenager's friends use alcohol or drugs.
--My teen admires some people who use alcohol or drugs.
--I question my teen's judgment or honesty at times.
--My teenager has a fair amount of unscheduled free time for which he or she is not held accountable.
--My teen is not a member of a group or team with rules that include staying sober.
--My teen has an older sibling who has used alcohol or drugs.
--My teen is between 16 and 18(worth 2 check marks).
--My teen is between 13 and 15(worth one check mark).
"I think it is important for parents to listen more to their children and try to compromise more.
If my parents and I had talked instead of yelled, we would have solved problems easier.
Parents need to be authoritative but willing to listen and compromise.
" Courtney, age 21, Texas Ten Tips to Help You Keep Your Teen Safe 1.
Strengthen your relationship.
Teenagers who have a mutually respectful relationship with their parents are much more likely to engage in behavior that will maintain that relationship.
Teens who have a positive relationship with their parents don't want to disappoint them.
Action:Spend time together; invest in this relationship continually.
Be someone your teenager enjoys being around.
2.
Assess your own behavior.
Parents who drink too much alcohol set an example for teenagers that may be dangerous.
Similarly, parents who use drugs will probably have kids who do the same.
Parents who behave responsibly set examples that will influence their teens for the rest of their lives.
Remember, your teens are always watching you.
Action: Set a good example for safe ways to have fun.
3.
Don't try to be a "cool" parent.
Parents who condone parties with alcohol in their homes are breaking the law and creating a potential lethal situation.
If you try to be cool and look the other way, you are giving permission for your teen to misbehave.
Action: Suggest and encourage activities that are fun for teenagers and keep them engaged appropriately and safely.
Volunteer to drive or to organize events for groups of friends.
4.
Keep tabs on your teen.
Parents who monitor their teen's whereabouts and companions influence their teen's behavior.
Parental monitoring is associated with lower incidences of alcohol and drug consumption and reduced early sexual activity.
Action:Always know where your teen is, and who he or she is with.
Get acquainted with your teen's friends.
5.
Build your network.
Parents who are connected with one another help keep teens safe.
Connected parents are informed parents, and your peers can help you see new solutions or tactics.
Also, don't be shy to contact homes where kids are "hanging out" or attending parties to make sure adults are present and are supervising the activities there.
Action: Make it a priority to meet the parents of your teen's friends.
Consider forming a parent discussion group.
6.
Keep your communication open and honest.
Parents and teens who are able to communicate openly and honestly create the environment in which they can discuss the dangers and temptations of risky behavior.
This allows an opportunity for parents to help teens problem-solve and plan strategies to get out of potentially dangerous situations.
Action: Let your teen know that you are aware that risky behavior can be tempting.
Demonstrate that your teen can talk to you about these issues honestly and that you can provide knowledgeable guidance without getting upset.
7.
Learn the danger signs.
Parents need to know the signs of alcohol poisoning and drug use, as well as current fads with teens in their community so that they can guide their kids intelligently.
Action: Speak with school officials, read local papers, and know the issues that are present in your community.
Know the signs of drug use; know what conditions of alcohol consumption warrant a trip to the emergency room.
8.
Make an escape plan.
With your teen, create a code word that can be used to tell you he or she needs to be picked up immediately.
If you help your kids save face they will trust and rely on you to help them avoid risky behavior.
Try to brainstorm with them various ways to say "no" and to get themselves out of bad situations.
Action: Talk with your teen to create a plan that will help him or her to leave an uncomfortable situation.
Assure him or her that you will be supportive without getting angry or upset.
9.
Define the rules and be consistent.
Parents who provide clearly articulated and consistent rules and expectations help kids make better choices.
Your consistency will help your teenager stick to the rules.
Action:If infractions occur, be consistent in your message, your behavior, and your application of consequences each time.
Teens value fairness.
10.
If you can't keep them "clean," at least keep them safe.
Some teens are going to try risky activities no matter what you do.
If you can't stop it, do everything possible to keep them safe.
Use this as a last resort because you run the risk of appearing to endorse dangerous and illegal behavior.
Action:At a minimum, make sure your teen knows that binge drinking can be deadly, that unwanted sexual encounters are not uncommon when kids are drinking, and that drinking and driving should never ever be combined.
Finally--does your teen know that your love is unconditional and you'll always be there to provide support? If you haven't said that in awhile, now is the time.
Good kids sometimes make bad choices and experimentation is a common drive for teenagers.
Even though the law is black and white and the advice from the experts is quite clear,the real world has many shades of gray.
Your choices won't always be easy, but if you treat your teen with respect while teaching him to make good choices, you'll be laying a strong foundation to keep him safe.
"Teenagers need boundaries, whether they say so or not, and parents need to be parents as well as to be their children's friends.
My parents did a really good job in giving me boundaries and rewards for my appropriate behavior.
They gave me a curfew which, although I did not enjoy it at the time,gave me limits.
They also gave me a sex talk and reminded me about the effects of drugs and alcohol.
" Sarah, age 21, Massachusetts
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