The word "boundaries" is a bit overused.
It implies, too, that we become inpenetrable and we have walls up to keep us separate from others. I prefer the approach that if we take care of ourselves, we do not need boundaries, because we have been crystal clear about who we are and what we need.
This is more of a win/win approach.
When we take care of ourselves, we can approach life from a genuine service-oriented attitude. It lacks the selfishness of people-pleasing which is motived by trying to manipulate a specific outcome. We also are insured that our tanks are filled so that we can be of use. You know what they say on the plane, first you put on your airmask and then you help someone else with theirs.
We always have the power to take care of ourselves. However, most of us don't know how to access the tools needed to do so.
When people are wrapped up in drama and invite us along, there is no need to accept the invitation.
For example, I went to see my cousin who was very sick with mental illness and drug addiction. She had alienated herself from our family and much of society. When I arrived, she started to give me a list of the evidence she had compiled that supported what a victim she was. She also told me what she "knew" what I was thinking about her.
I looked at her, with love, and I said, "You are most welcome to think as you like. I came here to let you know that we love you."
I honestly have no idea if it had any impact on her. The effect on myself was huge. I went there knowing that she was really tricky with years of sickness and addiction. I did not get into the dance with her as I had many years before. I neither confirmed not denied her experience and I left knowing that I had answered my heart's cry to reach out to her. I took care of myself in that situation without buying into her drama story. Then I released her into the benevolent hands of god.
Your Assignment:
This week when someone tries to drag you into their drama, whether it is their bad mood, their victim status, or simply gossip, look at them with love and try words like, "I am sorry that you feel that way. I don't feel that way." It will be awkward and you might get some kick back. Are you ready to stop playing the drama game? If so, let your commitment fill your sails so that you can glide past other people's drama. It isn't easy and it is tremendously WORTH it.
Let me know how it goes!
It implies, too, that we become inpenetrable and we have walls up to keep us separate from others. I prefer the approach that if we take care of ourselves, we do not need boundaries, because we have been crystal clear about who we are and what we need.
This is more of a win/win approach.
When we take care of ourselves, we can approach life from a genuine service-oriented attitude. It lacks the selfishness of people-pleasing which is motived by trying to manipulate a specific outcome. We also are insured that our tanks are filled so that we can be of use. You know what they say on the plane, first you put on your airmask and then you help someone else with theirs.
We always have the power to take care of ourselves. However, most of us don't know how to access the tools needed to do so.
When people are wrapped up in drama and invite us along, there is no need to accept the invitation.
For example, I went to see my cousin who was very sick with mental illness and drug addiction. She had alienated herself from our family and much of society. When I arrived, she started to give me a list of the evidence she had compiled that supported what a victim she was. She also told me what she "knew" what I was thinking about her.
I looked at her, with love, and I said, "You are most welcome to think as you like. I came here to let you know that we love you."
I honestly have no idea if it had any impact on her. The effect on myself was huge. I went there knowing that she was really tricky with years of sickness and addiction. I did not get into the dance with her as I had many years before. I neither confirmed not denied her experience and I left knowing that I had answered my heart's cry to reach out to her. I took care of myself in that situation without buying into her drama story. Then I released her into the benevolent hands of god.
Your Assignment:
This week when someone tries to drag you into their drama, whether it is their bad mood, their victim status, or simply gossip, look at them with love and try words like, "I am sorry that you feel that way. I don't feel that way." It will be awkward and you might get some kick back. Are you ready to stop playing the drama game? If so, let your commitment fill your sails so that you can glide past other people's drama. It isn't easy and it is tremendously WORTH it.
Let me know how it goes!
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