Many parents struggle to know how to set effective household rules for their children.
Rules are long term decisions governing very important areas of family structure.
Wise rule making may determine how smoothly a home functions.
Household rules are established to hold children accountable and keep them safe.
Parents should make rules for teaching purposes in an effort at effective discipline.
Rules that are clearly based on teaching a child life's virtues can also teach responsibility and principles.
Rules provide children with a secure world and teach children about safety and limits.
In her book, "Growing Up Again," author Jean Illsley Clarke points out that consistent limits on behavior, along with teaching responsibility, can help children gain impulse control, self-regulation, and a sense of competency, responsibility and accountability.
When establishing household rules, parents can benefit from the "less is more" philosophy.
The power of rules comes from there not being too many.
Parents need to create a few basic rules that involve general, broad principles and virtues than to have many rules for each situation.
In her book, "kids are worth it," author Barbara Coloroso says when deciding whether or not to set a rule, parents should ask themselves, "Is it life threatening, morally threatening or unhealthy?" If not, then perhaps a rule may not be necessary or appropriate.
When setting rules, be sure the rule can be made clear to both you and your child.
For instance, don't get sidetracked.
Parents can remember catch phrases, such as, "That may be...
" or "That is not what we're talking about now...
" to help keep a child focused on a certain topic.
Also, it's best to avoid unassertive rhetorical questions ("Don't you think it's time to go to bed?").
And when discussing a rule with a child, parents can use a calm voice and lots of eye contact.
Parents should always assess whether a rule is enforceable and know how to respond if a rule is broken.
Not being able to enforce a rule will cause a child to lose trust in a parent and encourage more rebellious or disrespectful behavior.
Hold a discussion with your child about the rule and allow for feedback and processing.
There are negotiable and non-negotiable rules.
Non-negotiable rules are commands or demands, boundaries or standards that parents insist upon (based on safety, maturity and the needs of the child).
Negotiable rules are appropriate to a child's age, but over time can be modified or adjusted as a child matures or under special circumstances some exceptions are possible.
Rules are most effective when stated in a positive "what is expected" format, rather than a "what not to do" format.
A child will be more likely to comply to a rule if the positive action expected is stated, rather than leaving them to figure out what to do after being told what not to do.
When a request focuses on what not to do, the child must first think about the undesired behavior, then he or she must cancel out that image and replace it with what is expected.
This three step process confuses many children.
It's more effective to let a child know up front what is expected.
Rules can prevent conflict or lessen frequency of arguments and power struggles by establishing clear, consistent, guidelines for how certain things are done.
The hope is that eventually certain rules will become second nature for kids and will no longer be questioned.
With effective discipline, as children get older they will need less external control and will exhibit more self-control.
Rules are long term decisions governing very important areas of family structure.
Wise rule making may determine how smoothly a home functions.
Household rules are established to hold children accountable and keep them safe.
Parents should make rules for teaching purposes in an effort at effective discipline.
Rules that are clearly based on teaching a child life's virtues can also teach responsibility and principles.
Rules provide children with a secure world and teach children about safety and limits.
In her book, "Growing Up Again," author Jean Illsley Clarke points out that consistent limits on behavior, along with teaching responsibility, can help children gain impulse control, self-regulation, and a sense of competency, responsibility and accountability.
When establishing household rules, parents can benefit from the "less is more" philosophy.
The power of rules comes from there not being too many.
Parents need to create a few basic rules that involve general, broad principles and virtues than to have many rules for each situation.
In her book, "kids are worth it," author Barbara Coloroso says when deciding whether or not to set a rule, parents should ask themselves, "Is it life threatening, morally threatening or unhealthy?" If not, then perhaps a rule may not be necessary or appropriate.
When setting rules, be sure the rule can be made clear to both you and your child.
For instance, don't get sidetracked.
Parents can remember catch phrases, such as, "That may be...
" or "That is not what we're talking about now...
" to help keep a child focused on a certain topic.
Also, it's best to avoid unassertive rhetorical questions ("Don't you think it's time to go to bed?").
And when discussing a rule with a child, parents can use a calm voice and lots of eye contact.
Parents should always assess whether a rule is enforceable and know how to respond if a rule is broken.
Not being able to enforce a rule will cause a child to lose trust in a parent and encourage more rebellious or disrespectful behavior.
Hold a discussion with your child about the rule and allow for feedback and processing.
There are negotiable and non-negotiable rules.
Non-negotiable rules are commands or demands, boundaries or standards that parents insist upon (based on safety, maturity and the needs of the child).
Negotiable rules are appropriate to a child's age, but over time can be modified or adjusted as a child matures or under special circumstances some exceptions are possible.
Rules are most effective when stated in a positive "what is expected" format, rather than a "what not to do" format.
A child will be more likely to comply to a rule if the positive action expected is stated, rather than leaving them to figure out what to do after being told what not to do.
When a request focuses on what not to do, the child must first think about the undesired behavior, then he or she must cancel out that image and replace it with what is expected.
This three step process confuses many children.
It's more effective to let a child know up front what is expected.
Rules can prevent conflict or lessen frequency of arguments and power struggles by establishing clear, consistent, guidelines for how certain things are done.
The hope is that eventually certain rules will become second nature for kids and will no longer be questioned.
With effective discipline, as children get older they will need less external control and will exhibit more self-control.
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