" Forgiveness is the gift we give ourselves.
" Human beings make mistakes.
We get clean and sober, not infallible.
A wise man, who later became my sponsor, once said to me, "There is a God, but not you;" possibly the most profound theological statement I have ever heard.
This insight I've remembered for twenty-nine years.
"Progress not perfection.
" Human beings will invariably rub each other the wrong way.
There is a point I'd like to make at this juncture.
In the profession of counseling, we may work with people who have suffered horrible trespasses: abuse as a child, violence or spouse battering.
We need remember to be gentle with each other.
This sacred trust I learned from my recovery mentor as a new hire.
I well remember this critical lesson.
We do sacred work and forgiveness is a key and ever present part of recovery.
In my monthly lecture, I break forgiveness down to three general areas: forgiveness from others, forgiveness of others, and sometimes the most difficult, forgiveness of self.
The 12 Step Program provides an in-depth study into forgiveness.
We may feel somewhat overwhelmed with guilt, shame or even hopelessness.
We seek forgiveness from others, we seek forgiveness from our God, we seek to break the destructive bonds.
The key is to keep our side of the street clean to the best of our human ability, keeping in mind we are indeed human.
Oh, how this humility stuff can be humbling.
When I present the "Forgiveness" lecture, I write my opening quote on the board: "Forgiveness is the gift we give to ourselves.
" The crowd is asked to remember this one statement, even if they remember nothing else before they zone out or nod off.
They are asked to immediately commit to paper the quote.
The application is obvious in the area of self forgiveness.
And as far as forgiveness from others, there is little we can do today to affect the thoughts, words or actions of others except do our part, stay clean and sober today.
Make the amends at the appropriate time and attempt to leave the worrying to God.
Granted, easier said than done.
Understanding just how the quote applies to forgiving others can be challenging to many.
Forgiving others can be the beginning of serenity, a blessed gift we do for ourselves.
In many cases we forgive others not for their sake, but for ours.
We make the decision, we choose to not have the event destroy our lives any further.
We make the decision to begin disarming our disease; removing one of the emotional clubs our addiction or alcoholism uses against us.
During all this, we keep in mind we drink or use because we are alcoholics and addicts.
Period.
No excuses.
But we recognize that the cunning, baffling and powerful demon in our head uses resentment along with guilt/shame and worry to keep us in emotional turmoil.
We remember all too well our old way of dealing with emotional pains: medicate.
Another key point to forgiving others is that the wrongdoer need never know we have forgiven them.
Remember, this is a gift given to ourselves, from ourselves.
Forgiving is not making their amends for them.
They need to make their own amends.
At that time, some expression of forgiveness by us may be appropriate.
We need not seek out an assailant in prison to offer a personal forgiveness such as done by a late pope.
Boy, this forgiveness stuff is tough and can be complicated at times.
But forgiveness is very necessary for recovery.
I find that in some particularly traumatic cases, this is an ongoing subject throughout the course of drug rehab.
And maybe by discharge time, the patient will begin internalizing the importance as well as the principles briefly discussed above.
Forgiveness is a journey of healing, sometimes slow, but steady; occasionally a lifelong journey is required.
All will get better however if each day we stay clean and sober while admitting our own shortcomings.
"Better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.
" Chinese Proverb
" Human beings make mistakes.
We get clean and sober, not infallible.
A wise man, who later became my sponsor, once said to me, "There is a God, but not you;" possibly the most profound theological statement I have ever heard.
This insight I've remembered for twenty-nine years.
"Progress not perfection.
" Human beings will invariably rub each other the wrong way.
There is a point I'd like to make at this juncture.
In the profession of counseling, we may work with people who have suffered horrible trespasses: abuse as a child, violence or spouse battering.
We need remember to be gentle with each other.
This sacred trust I learned from my recovery mentor as a new hire.
I well remember this critical lesson.
We do sacred work and forgiveness is a key and ever present part of recovery.
In my monthly lecture, I break forgiveness down to three general areas: forgiveness from others, forgiveness of others, and sometimes the most difficult, forgiveness of self.
The 12 Step Program provides an in-depth study into forgiveness.
We may feel somewhat overwhelmed with guilt, shame or even hopelessness.
We seek forgiveness from others, we seek forgiveness from our God, we seek to break the destructive bonds.
The key is to keep our side of the street clean to the best of our human ability, keeping in mind we are indeed human.
Oh, how this humility stuff can be humbling.
When I present the "Forgiveness" lecture, I write my opening quote on the board: "Forgiveness is the gift we give to ourselves.
" The crowd is asked to remember this one statement, even if they remember nothing else before they zone out or nod off.
They are asked to immediately commit to paper the quote.
The application is obvious in the area of self forgiveness.
And as far as forgiveness from others, there is little we can do today to affect the thoughts, words or actions of others except do our part, stay clean and sober today.
Make the amends at the appropriate time and attempt to leave the worrying to God.
Granted, easier said than done.
Understanding just how the quote applies to forgiving others can be challenging to many.
Forgiving others can be the beginning of serenity, a blessed gift we do for ourselves.
In many cases we forgive others not for their sake, but for ours.
We make the decision, we choose to not have the event destroy our lives any further.
We make the decision to begin disarming our disease; removing one of the emotional clubs our addiction or alcoholism uses against us.
During all this, we keep in mind we drink or use because we are alcoholics and addicts.
Period.
No excuses.
But we recognize that the cunning, baffling and powerful demon in our head uses resentment along with guilt/shame and worry to keep us in emotional turmoil.
We remember all too well our old way of dealing with emotional pains: medicate.
Another key point to forgiving others is that the wrongdoer need never know we have forgiven them.
Remember, this is a gift given to ourselves, from ourselves.
Forgiving is not making their amends for them.
They need to make their own amends.
At that time, some expression of forgiveness by us may be appropriate.
We need not seek out an assailant in prison to offer a personal forgiveness such as done by a late pope.
Boy, this forgiveness stuff is tough and can be complicated at times.
But forgiveness is very necessary for recovery.
I find that in some particularly traumatic cases, this is an ongoing subject throughout the course of drug rehab.
And maybe by discharge time, the patient will begin internalizing the importance as well as the principles briefly discussed above.
Forgiveness is a journey of healing, sometimes slow, but steady; occasionally a lifelong journey is required.
All will get better however if each day we stay clean and sober while admitting our own shortcomings.
"Better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness.
" Chinese Proverb
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