Divorce can be a confusing time for both children and parents.
Children can feel hurt and upset by the prospect of life after the split and worry about how things will work when the change happens.
It may sound obvious but people split up for different reasons and it is important to try and explain that this is not something that has occurred because of them.
If there has been an infidelity, try and take any anger that you may be experiencing out of the equation.
Your child/ren will be able to decide the difference between what is right and what is wrong as they grow up - but at present may be too young to fully appreciate the current happenings.
Support your child and communicate with them openly about what has happened.
Show them that you can all get through this stage together and for the good of your kids, work hard to ensure that the same message is being communicated by the pair of you - otherwise it may become a situation where point scoring and gossiping occurs.
This interesting point was made on helpguide.
org: "One parent who successfully navigated the ups and downs of divorce with her kids likens the process to travelling internationally with children.
You don't know what to expect, but you hope that your children will develop a willingness to be flexible, adapt to different 'cultures', and learn and grow throughout the challenges, rather than shrink from them.
Rather than approach the process with fear and trepidation, think about the lessons that can be gained and expect that, with your support, your kids will flourish.
" Your child may experience a real range of emotions and whilst you are going through it at the same time - you may already know what methods are best suited to you to help you through this time.
It might be a regular chat with a parent, exercise or a night out with friends.
Your child on the other hand may not have this skill yet.
Here are some tips to help manage your child's emotional journey and make it as stress free as possible.
Consistency: try and keep some factors of your child's life the same.
They may be worried that "everything is going to change".
If you have to move your child out of the family home, try and keep them in the same school.
Physicality: Keep your personal feelings to one side and offload at moments when your kids cannot hear you and ensure that you do it.
You need to keep your physicality and demeanour as balanced as possible so that they do not detect tension levels and then start to embody or emulate.
Expect the unexpected: They may be experiencing concerns about parts of the divorce that you had not even considered.
It might be something as simple as "who will take them to their dance class" but children experience stress over things that may be considered trivial by adults.
Acknowledgement: Understand that they may be upset about certain things that involve the other parent.
The other parent has been in their life and by simply ignoring that they were a part of your child's life will not help them.
It may be difficult to talk about the other party because of the personal circumstances - but try to keep this to one side.
When talking about your partner, remember the saying "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
" Don't fight: If you fight with your ex partner (especially regarding logistics involving your child) your child may think everything was their fault.
Be the adults and take responsibility for what has happened.
Forgive the cliché but your child will have a better lifestyle if they can have a balanced relationship with both parents.
Try and keep that goal in mind and it will help you immensely.
Children can feel hurt and upset by the prospect of life after the split and worry about how things will work when the change happens.
It may sound obvious but people split up for different reasons and it is important to try and explain that this is not something that has occurred because of them.
If there has been an infidelity, try and take any anger that you may be experiencing out of the equation.
Your child/ren will be able to decide the difference between what is right and what is wrong as they grow up - but at present may be too young to fully appreciate the current happenings.
Support your child and communicate with them openly about what has happened.
Show them that you can all get through this stage together and for the good of your kids, work hard to ensure that the same message is being communicated by the pair of you - otherwise it may become a situation where point scoring and gossiping occurs.
This interesting point was made on helpguide.
org: "One parent who successfully navigated the ups and downs of divorce with her kids likens the process to travelling internationally with children.
You don't know what to expect, but you hope that your children will develop a willingness to be flexible, adapt to different 'cultures', and learn and grow throughout the challenges, rather than shrink from them.
Rather than approach the process with fear and trepidation, think about the lessons that can be gained and expect that, with your support, your kids will flourish.
" Your child may experience a real range of emotions and whilst you are going through it at the same time - you may already know what methods are best suited to you to help you through this time.
It might be a regular chat with a parent, exercise or a night out with friends.
Your child on the other hand may not have this skill yet.
Here are some tips to help manage your child's emotional journey and make it as stress free as possible.
Consistency: try and keep some factors of your child's life the same.
They may be worried that "everything is going to change".
If you have to move your child out of the family home, try and keep them in the same school.
Physicality: Keep your personal feelings to one side and offload at moments when your kids cannot hear you and ensure that you do it.
You need to keep your physicality and demeanour as balanced as possible so that they do not detect tension levels and then start to embody or emulate.
Expect the unexpected: They may be experiencing concerns about parts of the divorce that you had not even considered.
It might be something as simple as "who will take them to their dance class" but children experience stress over things that may be considered trivial by adults.
Acknowledgement: Understand that they may be upset about certain things that involve the other parent.
The other parent has been in their life and by simply ignoring that they were a part of your child's life will not help them.
It may be difficult to talk about the other party because of the personal circumstances - but try to keep this to one side.
When talking about your partner, remember the saying "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
" Don't fight: If you fight with your ex partner (especially regarding logistics involving your child) your child may think everything was their fault.
Be the adults and take responsibility for what has happened.
Forgive the cliché but your child will have a better lifestyle if they can have a balanced relationship with both parents.
Try and keep that goal in mind and it will help you immensely.
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