"There's a new three strikes and you're out policy. But enough about President Bush in the debates. Let's move on." --Jay Leno
"At one point I was concerned about Bush ... Did he seem a little confused to you? Because at one point, he called out, 'State capitals for $200, Alex!'" --David Letterman
"I think, even if you're not a fan you must admit, President Bush did a little better in the third debate.
Like last night he spoke from the heart. See the last two debates he's tried speaking from the brain. And you see how that works." --Jay Leno
"After the debate, Dick Cheney's wife, Lynne, was upset that John Kerry brought up their lesbian daughter. She said, 'The only thing that upsets me more is the fact that I brought up a lesbian daughter.'" --Conan O'Brien
"The candidates were asked if they thought homosexuality was a choice. John Kerry said it isn't. Good thing he doesn't think it's a choice. Otherwise, he'd still be trying to make up his mind." --Jay Leno
"In the debate, stern-faced John Kerry looked like he was at a funeral while smiling President Bush just looked giddy. It was like a before-and-after ad for Prozac." --Jay Leno
"The third presidential debate asked the most important question of all ? which of these guys do I hate the least?" --Jay Leno
"I thought George Bush looked great. He was wearing his three-piece bulge. ... They have a picture of George Bush from the first debate and on his back there's a big, lumpy bulge.
People were saying that's a radio receiver and someone is feeding him answers to questions. It turned out tonight, the first thing George W. did was show everyone that the bump in his jacket was just his flask." --David Letterman
"I watched the debate, and I'll tell you George Bush did look confused. At one point he tried to buy a vowel." --David Letterman
"There are photographs of President Bush from the first debate and he's got some kinda lump in the back of his coat, and the rumors are flying that he had a special radio receiver and he was getting answers from someone off stage. Wow, it's like he's back at Yale." ?David Letterman
"During the debate, Bush was asked by a lady to name three mistakes he's made. And Bush responded, 'This debate, the last debate and the next debate.'" --Bill Maher
"There is a rumor going around that during the first debate, President Bush had some kind of listening device that was feeding him answers to the questions for the debate. They actually had a photo of him and there was a bulge in his jacket. Well, it's still an improvement over the last guy who had a bulge in his pants." --David Letterman
"This was the town hall debate, and Bush says he likes the personal feel of a town hall. There's something about getting out there and lying directly to people's faces." --Bill Maher
"There was one awkward moment where a black man stood-up to ask a question and out of habit, Bush said 'Clemency denied.'" --Bill Maher
"I don't know what's worse -- watching Bush try not to scowl, or watching him scowl for 90 minutes." --Bill Maher
"Tonight was the 2nd presidential debate, which was in a town hall format. That's where everyday Americans and not just journalists get a chance to have their questions avoided." --Jay Leno
"Tonight's debate was what they called the town hall debate. Both candidates were seated on stools. It was funny, from force of habit, Bush said 'Scotch and water, hold the ice.'" --David Letterman
"The second presidential debate was tonight. It was a town hall meeting. Sure you all watched that. Last time John Kerry did a town hall meeting, true story, a woman in the audience told him he was 'hot.' Yeah, then she told Kerry she needs healthcare so she can afford a pair of glasses." --Conan O'Brien
"This is what his handlers have advised him to do after the first debate last week: George W. Bush's challenge now will be to stretch four and a half minutes of meaningless platitudes into an hour and a half. That's his challenge." --David Letterman
"(Friday's) debate in St. Louis will be before an audience made up entirely of undecided voters. That creates a huge dilemma for Kerry. Does he stand on stage beside Bush or sit in the audience with all the other people who can't make up their minds?" --Jay Leno
"I don't want to say who won this debate, but today the FCC is furious and is fining the networks for showing the emperor with no clothes." --Bill Maher
"Both candidates now are trying to lower expectations for how they'll do on the debates. For example, Kerry tried to lower expectations for himself by saying Bush has never lost a debate and that he is a formidable opponent. Then Bush lowered expectations for himself when he said, 'Hey, what does "formable" mean?'" --Jay Leno
"Bush wants to show that John Kerry is confused. You know you're in trouble when you're running against George Bush and you're the one who looks confused." --David Letterman
"At one point I was concerned about Bush ... Did he seem a little confused to you? Because at one point, he called out, 'State capitals for $200, Alex!'" --David Letterman
"I think, even if you're not a fan you must admit, President Bush did a little better in the third debate.
Like last night he spoke from the heart. See the last two debates he's tried speaking from the brain. And you see how that works." --Jay Leno
"After the debate, Dick Cheney's wife, Lynne, was upset that John Kerry brought up their lesbian daughter. She said, 'The only thing that upsets me more is the fact that I brought up a lesbian daughter.'" --Conan O'Brien
"The candidates were asked if they thought homosexuality was a choice. John Kerry said it isn't. Good thing he doesn't think it's a choice. Otherwise, he'd still be trying to make up his mind." --Jay Leno
"In the debate, stern-faced John Kerry looked like he was at a funeral while smiling President Bush just looked giddy. It was like a before-and-after ad for Prozac." --Jay Leno
"The third presidential debate asked the most important question of all ? which of these guys do I hate the least?" --Jay Leno
"I thought George Bush looked great. He was wearing his three-piece bulge. ... They have a picture of George Bush from the first debate and on his back there's a big, lumpy bulge.
People were saying that's a radio receiver and someone is feeding him answers to questions. It turned out tonight, the first thing George W. did was show everyone that the bump in his jacket was just his flask." --David Letterman
"I watched the debate, and I'll tell you George Bush did look confused. At one point he tried to buy a vowel." --David Letterman
"There are photographs of President Bush from the first debate and he's got some kinda lump in the back of his coat, and the rumors are flying that he had a special radio receiver and he was getting answers from someone off stage. Wow, it's like he's back at Yale." ?David Letterman
"During the debate, Bush was asked by a lady to name three mistakes he's made. And Bush responded, 'This debate, the last debate and the next debate.'" --Bill Maher
"There is a rumor going around that during the first debate, President Bush had some kind of listening device that was feeding him answers to the questions for the debate. They actually had a photo of him and there was a bulge in his jacket. Well, it's still an improvement over the last guy who had a bulge in his pants." --David Letterman
"This was the town hall debate, and Bush says he likes the personal feel of a town hall. There's something about getting out there and lying directly to people's faces." --Bill Maher
"There was one awkward moment where a black man stood-up to ask a question and out of habit, Bush said 'Clemency denied.'" --Bill Maher
"I don't know what's worse -- watching Bush try not to scowl, or watching him scowl for 90 minutes." --Bill Maher
"Tonight was the 2nd presidential debate, which was in a town hall format. That's where everyday Americans and not just journalists get a chance to have their questions avoided." --Jay Leno
"Tonight's debate was what they called the town hall debate. Both candidates were seated on stools. It was funny, from force of habit, Bush said 'Scotch and water, hold the ice.'" --David Letterman
"The second presidential debate was tonight. It was a town hall meeting. Sure you all watched that. Last time John Kerry did a town hall meeting, true story, a woman in the audience told him he was 'hot.' Yeah, then she told Kerry she needs healthcare so she can afford a pair of glasses." --Conan O'Brien
"This is what his handlers have advised him to do after the first debate last week: George W. Bush's challenge now will be to stretch four and a half minutes of meaningless platitudes into an hour and a half. That's his challenge." --David Letterman
"(Friday's) debate in St. Louis will be before an audience made up entirely of undecided voters. That creates a huge dilemma for Kerry. Does he stand on stage beside Bush or sit in the audience with all the other people who can't make up their minds?" --Jay Leno
"I don't want to say who won this debate, but today the FCC is furious and is fining the networks for showing the emperor with no clothes." --Bill Maher
"Both candidates now are trying to lower expectations for how they'll do on the debates. For example, Kerry tried to lower expectations for himself by saying Bush has never lost a debate and that he is a formidable opponent. Then Bush lowered expectations for himself when he said, 'Hey, what does "formable" mean?'" --Jay Leno
"Bush wants to show that John Kerry is confused. You know you're in trouble when you're running against George Bush and you're the one who looks confused." --David Letterman
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