Parenting techniques can definitely be very different! There is a fairly large age difference between my wife and I - some 14 years and therefore some of her techniques I find new and confusing.
I was brought up by parents who were very strict, they were brought up in the war by parents who had been brought up by Victorian parents.
That, I think, is why my parenting is so different to my wife's.
I do not believe in capital punishment, but I do believe in manners and in children learning the benefits of being independent.
Whereas my wife would gladly clear up after the children, I believe that if they have made the mess then they should clear it up! When I first moved into the household the children were obviously a lot younger, but my wife would clear up after them, because it was easier than the tantrums of children who did not want to clear up.
This came, in my opinion, from my wife having spent a long time as a single parent.
When you parent on your own, the last thing you want is upset children and this made for an easier life.
Now that we can work as a team and back each other up, the children have a stronger message and a more united instruction, so to speak.
I came into the home as an inexperienced step parent - I have lived, in the past, with a single mom and her child, but this was the first time I had met a woman who was happy for me to be an equal parent and wanted me to help with parenting as part of a parenting team.
Due to my inexperience, my style of parenting was not the best - I was learning from my wife's example.
I think that this has made me a better parent.
She is not afraid to tell me when I am going wrong and coach me in the art of parenting.
I have changed my style to suit my wife.
Coming into a family where children are already learning how life is, you have to adapt to how they have been brought up by their parents and grand parents.
If I had had my own children with my exes, then I probably would have parented in a much different way.
Coming into such a young family, with a woman with a much younger mind, who had been brought up by parents just a decade older than me, has made me think in a completely different way and approach the ideals and methods of parenting in a completely different manner.
We are lucky, our 3 children are very well behaved.
They know good manners, they have learnt that if they get toys out, then they put them away (to be fair the 3 and 4 year old are best at this) and they do not have tantrums any more.
We get the odd occurrence of tears over something and nothing, but it soon dies away.
I believe that some of this is down to the mix of styles that my wife and I display.
As she says our styles compliment each other.
The other thing that they have learnt is the counting method, where we count to 3 and they have to act - they have all got this now and all respond - if they don't then they take their punishment.
We never threaten a punishment we cannot carry out and it is always carried out.
It usually involves losing a privilege.
I was a manager for 20 years and one of the things I was taught in the management courses I did, was "The Hot Oven Principle".
That is that discipline is like a hot oven - it doesn't matter who touches it, they always get burnt.
I think this can be applied to parenting, especially when there are many children involved.
Maybe I apply too many management principles to my parenting, and that is why my parenting technique is so black and white!!! I do have trouble "getting" leniency in some scenarios, taking into account, what has happened during the child's day, how they are feeling (they may be teething or sickening for something) etc.
I have bonded well with the children and they do see me as a father figure.
They come to me with their problems, we play together, we have fun, we dance, we enjoy each other, and on the same note they accept my word as an answer - the eldest pushes it sometimes, but that is just the age of the child.
Sometimes she will not like the answer she gets from me so will go to her mom, and 9 times out of 10, working as a team her mom will reiterate my answer.
The odd time this doesn't happen, is because my wife is busy with other things or has not had chance to speak to me or does not realise I have already given an answer.
It is also the same on the flip side, in so much as I will be asked if the older child does not like the answer her mom has given - again she is met with a unified front.
Our differing styles have caused friction, but some of that has to do with my wife and I still learning to understand each other.
The rest has to do with how we were brought up and the age difference.
I do believe that I have become a better parent from what I have learnt from my wife, but I also think that my wife has changed as a parent and taken on some of my style and become more firm with the children and less likely to do things herself or give in for "a quiet life"! One thing I love about children, is watching them explore the world and learn as they go along, which is why I am not an over protective parent.
So long as I am within easy reach for them, I am more than happy to let them discover the world for themselves.
The smile that comes from a seemingly small discovery, like the fact that if they let go of your hands in a swimming pool whilst wearing a rubber ring, they will not go under.
When our youngest discovered this after lots of coaxing, he laughed and he smiled and he'd gone - off on his own.
The joy of learning lit up his face.
If he had panicked or the smile had disappeared or he had needed me, I would have been there to help - the fact was he didn't need me, probably didn't want me there, wanting instead to be independent and enjoy learning to swim, without the nagging of a parent constantly trying to make him let go, or constantly asking if he was okay.
My parents were always busy with something - my mom would bring work home that she hadn't had chance to finish during the day, and my dad had things he did outside of the home, or he would be busy in the garage with projects my mom had given him!!! I had to amuse myself, and if I wanted their attention then I had to wait for a suitable opportunity.
I don't expect our children to be like this, but as with all adults, I expect respect to the point that if I am talking to someone they wait, and if I am busy doing something then they wait for me to give them my full attention when asked to.
I do not reject their every question, but at times when I need to finish something, I will ask them to give me a moment, before responding.
Respect works both ways.
I do think that we have a balanced parenting style, and that the kids get the best of both worlds - they benefit from my wife's more relaxed style, but learn from my different more "old fashioned" style of parenting, and we compliment each other as near to a harmony as one can get.
I think that my style leans more toward me applying my parents methods in a more relaxed manner - I guess my thinking is that I didn't turn out too bad and therefore my parents can't have done a bad job.
The one thing that matters as a parent though, as my wife says, is that you love your children and support them no matter what, and let them turn into the individuals that they will become.
My wife's ex mother-in-law always compliments us on what a credit the children are to us.
I think that is absolutely incredible, given the situation, and I know that with our continued teamwork and parenting effort, our children will grow up to be incredible adults and continue to be a credit to us.
We are so very proud of them and are looking forward to seeing them as adults.
I was brought up by parents who were very strict, they were brought up in the war by parents who had been brought up by Victorian parents.
That, I think, is why my parenting is so different to my wife's.
I do not believe in capital punishment, but I do believe in manners and in children learning the benefits of being independent.
Whereas my wife would gladly clear up after the children, I believe that if they have made the mess then they should clear it up! When I first moved into the household the children were obviously a lot younger, but my wife would clear up after them, because it was easier than the tantrums of children who did not want to clear up.
This came, in my opinion, from my wife having spent a long time as a single parent.
When you parent on your own, the last thing you want is upset children and this made for an easier life.
Now that we can work as a team and back each other up, the children have a stronger message and a more united instruction, so to speak.
I came into the home as an inexperienced step parent - I have lived, in the past, with a single mom and her child, but this was the first time I had met a woman who was happy for me to be an equal parent and wanted me to help with parenting as part of a parenting team.
Due to my inexperience, my style of parenting was not the best - I was learning from my wife's example.
I think that this has made me a better parent.
She is not afraid to tell me when I am going wrong and coach me in the art of parenting.
I have changed my style to suit my wife.
Coming into a family where children are already learning how life is, you have to adapt to how they have been brought up by their parents and grand parents.
If I had had my own children with my exes, then I probably would have parented in a much different way.
Coming into such a young family, with a woman with a much younger mind, who had been brought up by parents just a decade older than me, has made me think in a completely different way and approach the ideals and methods of parenting in a completely different manner.
We are lucky, our 3 children are very well behaved.
They know good manners, they have learnt that if they get toys out, then they put them away (to be fair the 3 and 4 year old are best at this) and they do not have tantrums any more.
We get the odd occurrence of tears over something and nothing, but it soon dies away.
I believe that some of this is down to the mix of styles that my wife and I display.
As she says our styles compliment each other.
The other thing that they have learnt is the counting method, where we count to 3 and they have to act - they have all got this now and all respond - if they don't then they take their punishment.
We never threaten a punishment we cannot carry out and it is always carried out.
It usually involves losing a privilege.
I was a manager for 20 years and one of the things I was taught in the management courses I did, was "The Hot Oven Principle".
That is that discipline is like a hot oven - it doesn't matter who touches it, they always get burnt.
I think this can be applied to parenting, especially when there are many children involved.
Maybe I apply too many management principles to my parenting, and that is why my parenting technique is so black and white!!! I do have trouble "getting" leniency in some scenarios, taking into account, what has happened during the child's day, how they are feeling (they may be teething or sickening for something) etc.
I have bonded well with the children and they do see me as a father figure.
They come to me with their problems, we play together, we have fun, we dance, we enjoy each other, and on the same note they accept my word as an answer - the eldest pushes it sometimes, but that is just the age of the child.
Sometimes she will not like the answer she gets from me so will go to her mom, and 9 times out of 10, working as a team her mom will reiterate my answer.
The odd time this doesn't happen, is because my wife is busy with other things or has not had chance to speak to me or does not realise I have already given an answer.
It is also the same on the flip side, in so much as I will be asked if the older child does not like the answer her mom has given - again she is met with a unified front.
Our differing styles have caused friction, but some of that has to do with my wife and I still learning to understand each other.
The rest has to do with how we were brought up and the age difference.
I do believe that I have become a better parent from what I have learnt from my wife, but I also think that my wife has changed as a parent and taken on some of my style and become more firm with the children and less likely to do things herself or give in for "a quiet life"! One thing I love about children, is watching them explore the world and learn as they go along, which is why I am not an over protective parent.
So long as I am within easy reach for them, I am more than happy to let them discover the world for themselves.
The smile that comes from a seemingly small discovery, like the fact that if they let go of your hands in a swimming pool whilst wearing a rubber ring, they will not go under.
When our youngest discovered this after lots of coaxing, he laughed and he smiled and he'd gone - off on his own.
The joy of learning lit up his face.
If he had panicked or the smile had disappeared or he had needed me, I would have been there to help - the fact was he didn't need me, probably didn't want me there, wanting instead to be independent and enjoy learning to swim, without the nagging of a parent constantly trying to make him let go, or constantly asking if he was okay.
My parents were always busy with something - my mom would bring work home that she hadn't had chance to finish during the day, and my dad had things he did outside of the home, or he would be busy in the garage with projects my mom had given him!!! I had to amuse myself, and if I wanted their attention then I had to wait for a suitable opportunity.
I don't expect our children to be like this, but as with all adults, I expect respect to the point that if I am talking to someone they wait, and if I am busy doing something then they wait for me to give them my full attention when asked to.
I do not reject their every question, but at times when I need to finish something, I will ask them to give me a moment, before responding.
Respect works both ways.
I do think that we have a balanced parenting style, and that the kids get the best of both worlds - they benefit from my wife's more relaxed style, but learn from my different more "old fashioned" style of parenting, and we compliment each other as near to a harmony as one can get.
I think that my style leans more toward me applying my parents methods in a more relaxed manner - I guess my thinking is that I didn't turn out too bad and therefore my parents can't have done a bad job.
The one thing that matters as a parent though, as my wife says, is that you love your children and support them no matter what, and let them turn into the individuals that they will become.
My wife's ex mother-in-law always compliments us on what a credit the children are to us.
I think that is absolutely incredible, given the situation, and I know that with our continued teamwork and parenting effort, our children will grow up to be incredible adults and continue to be a credit to us.
We are so very proud of them and are looking forward to seeing them as adults.
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