The need for you to save your marriage generally does not come about suddenly.
There is a process of destruction at work in a marriage that generally builds up to a high level of destructive conflict between a couple and results in divorce between years 4 - 8.
This process happens slowly, but at some stage, it reaches a point where the partners have begun to negatively re-write their personal and relationship history.
Then, it is too difficult to arrest the negative slide and the marriage breaks up.
Most people, reaching this stage sense the impending doom and sometimes seek to take steps to save their marriage.
The major reason why marriages breakup, generally after four or so years, is because the level of conflict is too frequent, and damaging.
The pattern of negative conflict generation has four elements to it:

• Criticism
• Contempt
• Defensiveness
• Stonewalling

The most critical and the best predictor of the likelihood of divorce is the stage of contempt.
The Appearance of Defensiveness: The Critical Turning Point The reason why defensiveness marks the death-knell for a marriage and even the process for saving a marriage is twofold:

• Firstly, the pattern of problem solving in the marriage is so toxic that it is filled with interchanges of sarcasm and cynicism making it virtually impossible for couples to resolve problems and to connect and heal each other after a fight.
  
• Secondly, as a result of this contempt, one or both partners must defend themselves, escalating the conflict, which is why defensiveness is so deadly.
  

It is natural for person to defend themselves when under attack, especially a contemptuous, toxic attack.
Research, however, indicates that this approach does not have the desired effect.
The attacking spouse does neither apologize nor back down.
This is because defensiveness is indirectly really a way of blaming your partner.
Natural it maybe - effective it is not! So if you see something of yourself or your marriage in this pattern, with these three communication patterns happening as if in a relay race, namely:

• Topic or problem is opened up 'harshly' and followed by or contains a criticism rather than an effectively delivered complaint (i.
  e.
  "Why can't you ever remember.
  If I told you once I have told you a 100 times to fill up the tank").
  
• Followed by criticism or contempt (i.
  e.
  "So next time do you think you write it down if you can't remember or is that too much for you").
  
• No surprise the partner has to defend themselves (i.
  e.
  "You use the car more than me.
  Why do you always let it run low on gas and I am always the one who has to remember to fill it up").
  In effect saying, I am not the problem, you are.
  

Then your relationship could be in serious trouble and on the way to divorce unless something effective is done to correct it.
Do you see some of yourself in this interchange? Is defensiveness already a regular part of the problem solving pattern in your marriage? Then your marriage is in difficulty and you need to do something to save my marriage.