In these days of market turbulence, everyone is justifiably concerned about their stock portfolio.
And, if worrying about the stocks themselves isn't stressful enough, some investors, unfortunately, have to worry about their brokers sometimes.
Now, this is not to disparage the entire brokerage community as there are many honest and helpful brokers, mainly to be found standing in line at the unemployment agency.
1.
You know you're in trouble if, on the worst day of the market, your broker has a huge smile on his face.
2.
You know you're in trouble if your cash in the mattress has done better than your stock portfolio.
3.
You know you're in trouble if your broker is so inexperienced that he thinks going short means getting a brushcut.
4.
You know you're in trouble if your broker suggests you try options but, when you get nervous and tell him you're switching brokers, he tells you that's not an option.
5.
You know you're in trouble if your broker calls with an inside tip that consists of something his cousin heard from someone else who was getting a shoe shine while the mail room boy was getting a haircut.
6.
You know you're in trouble if your broker keeps telling you he would bet his mother's life on it and your research reveals his mother died last year..
7.
You know you're in trouble when your broker gets you into futures but forgets to get you out and your garage ends up holding 2 tons of cotton.
8.
You know you're in trouble if you get the name of a bookie and when you call, the bookie's voice is suspiciously similar to your broker's.
9.
You know you're in trouble if your brokerage firm and the words SEC Investigation are often spoken together.
10.
You know your in trouble if you get constant calls from your broker when the market is up but you can never find him when the market tanks.
11.
You know you're in trouble if your brokerage fees suspiciously seem to always add up to the mortgage on the new home your broker just bought.
12.
You know you're in trouble if your broker keeps telling you how understanding you are.
And, if worrying about the stocks themselves isn't stressful enough, some investors, unfortunately, have to worry about their brokers sometimes.
Now, this is not to disparage the entire brokerage community as there are many honest and helpful brokers, mainly to be found standing in line at the unemployment agency.
1.
You know you're in trouble if, on the worst day of the market, your broker has a huge smile on his face.
2.
You know you're in trouble if your cash in the mattress has done better than your stock portfolio.
3.
You know you're in trouble if your broker is so inexperienced that he thinks going short means getting a brushcut.
4.
You know you're in trouble if your broker suggests you try options but, when you get nervous and tell him you're switching brokers, he tells you that's not an option.
5.
You know you're in trouble if your broker calls with an inside tip that consists of something his cousin heard from someone else who was getting a shoe shine while the mail room boy was getting a haircut.
6.
You know you're in trouble if your broker keeps telling you he would bet his mother's life on it and your research reveals his mother died last year..
7.
You know you're in trouble when your broker gets you into futures but forgets to get you out and your garage ends up holding 2 tons of cotton.
8.
You know you're in trouble if you get the name of a bookie and when you call, the bookie's voice is suspiciously similar to your broker's.
9.
You know you're in trouble if your brokerage firm and the words SEC Investigation are often spoken together.
10.
You know your in trouble if you get constant calls from your broker when the market is up but you can never find him when the market tanks.
11.
You know you're in trouble if your brokerage fees suspiciously seem to always add up to the mortgage on the new home your broker just bought.
12.
You know you're in trouble if your broker keeps telling you how understanding you are.
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