Her name was Priscilla.
A beautiful brunette newly divorced and possibly interested in a guy who can fix her plumbing.
Since I was in the field this would be a slam-dunk.
I was working for Mr.
Rooter Plumbing.
I was the shining knight of plugged pipes, sinks, and sewers.
I would rescue these single damsels from the dark forces of back-ups, floods, and scum.
I rescued many disparate ladies drowning in disgusting drains.
These ladies would not resort to their D-bag exes to fix their stuff.
I was their only hope.
I showed up to their door with a smile, a snake, and a shiny uniform.
I was armed with all the best plumbing tools.
"Yes Maim, I will conquer all your plumbing problems.
" They loved me...
and they paid me for it.
I met Priscilla on one of my service calls.
She was divorced, and new to the single life.
It was close to Christmas and she had no one to put up her Christmas lights.
I told her that my light hanging skills would make even Chevy Chase jealous.
I would be happy to get her lights on.
She was just dazzled that I would be so helpful.
So I gave her a call on my day off to put up her lights.
I spent a good part of the day getting her house lit up with a lot of damn lights.
No problem, this princess was worth the connection.
Unfortunately, I got her lights turned on, but not Priscilla.
There was just no spark between us.
I had to do something to turn up the amps.
Something fun, different, and daring.
Something where her and her kids would fall madly in love with me.
Then I could be her permanent plumber forever.
But what? Then it came to me.
This would be the most epic pick-up of all time! I came up with this brilliant idea to use the Mr.
Rooter mascot costume to win Priscilla over.
Mr.
Rooter owns a $3,500 Mr.
Winky mascot costume.
Mr.
Rooter's company slogan is "Quick as a wink".
I guess it means we will be done cleaning your pipes as 'quick as wink.
' Mr.
Rooter uses these mascots in promotion events, parades, and commercials.
It's equipped with giant ass shoes, a plumbing uniform and an enormous head with a ridiculous smile.
It even had a string to pull to make Mr.
Winky wink his eye.
That was it! Mr.
Winky is going on a date.
Priscilla and her kids would love it.
Brilliant! Unfortunately for me, there was no blood flowing to my brain and an empty-headed Mr.
Winky doing the thinking.
So I went back to the Mr.
Rooter office.
I grabbed the Mr.
Winky mascot costume, threw it in the van, and drove over to Priscilla's house.
I parked down the street from her house.
It took me about 15 minutes to transform into Mr.
Winky.
I got everything on.
Shoes, shirt, head, and a working winky.
I stomped across the street carefully.
Fortunately no one called the cops.
A seven-foot Mr.
Winky running through the neighborhood could look suspicious.
The costume's head was pretty large and hard to see through.
It was dark outside and there were several steps leading up to Priscilla's front door.
I made it to the front door and rang the doorbell.
The door opened but it wasn't Priscilla.
Apparently her brother and sister-in-law were visiting.
They were just leaving out the door when I arrived.
The guy looked at me like, who the hell is Priscilla dating now? I felt a little awkward but stayed in character.
I just stood there...
winking.
Her brother yelled into the house, "Hey Priscilla.
Someone is here to see you.
" It was a small porch and I was in the way.
So I took a step backward to let them pass.
Priscilla showed up at the door just in time to see this giant mascot freak lose balance.
Me and Mr.
Winky took a dive down her front steps.
Priscilla, her brother, and sister-in-law watched me tumble and roll all the way down the steps into her driveway.
I almost broke my winky.
I got up and climbed back up the steps.
Priscilla could not stop laughing.
I thought she was going to pee her pants.
I guess it looked pretty ridiculous.
I didn't get the girl but we did get some family Christmas pictures.
Love Life Lessons
A beautiful brunette newly divorced and possibly interested in a guy who can fix her plumbing.
Since I was in the field this would be a slam-dunk.
I was working for Mr.
Rooter Plumbing.
I was the shining knight of plugged pipes, sinks, and sewers.
I would rescue these single damsels from the dark forces of back-ups, floods, and scum.
I rescued many disparate ladies drowning in disgusting drains.
These ladies would not resort to their D-bag exes to fix their stuff.
I was their only hope.
I showed up to their door with a smile, a snake, and a shiny uniform.
I was armed with all the best plumbing tools.
"Yes Maim, I will conquer all your plumbing problems.
" They loved me...
and they paid me for it.
I met Priscilla on one of my service calls.
She was divorced, and new to the single life.
It was close to Christmas and she had no one to put up her Christmas lights.
I told her that my light hanging skills would make even Chevy Chase jealous.
I would be happy to get her lights on.
She was just dazzled that I would be so helpful.
So I gave her a call on my day off to put up her lights.
I spent a good part of the day getting her house lit up with a lot of damn lights.
No problem, this princess was worth the connection.
Unfortunately, I got her lights turned on, but not Priscilla.
There was just no spark between us.
I had to do something to turn up the amps.
Something fun, different, and daring.
Something where her and her kids would fall madly in love with me.
Then I could be her permanent plumber forever.
But what? Then it came to me.
This would be the most epic pick-up of all time! I came up with this brilliant idea to use the Mr.
Rooter mascot costume to win Priscilla over.
Mr.
Rooter owns a $3,500 Mr.
Winky mascot costume.
Mr.
Rooter's company slogan is "Quick as a wink".
I guess it means we will be done cleaning your pipes as 'quick as wink.
' Mr.
Rooter uses these mascots in promotion events, parades, and commercials.
It's equipped with giant ass shoes, a plumbing uniform and an enormous head with a ridiculous smile.
It even had a string to pull to make Mr.
Winky wink his eye.
That was it! Mr.
Winky is going on a date.
Priscilla and her kids would love it.
Brilliant! Unfortunately for me, there was no blood flowing to my brain and an empty-headed Mr.
Winky doing the thinking.
So I went back to the Mr.
Rooter office.
I grabbed the Mr.
Winky mascot costume, threw it in the van, and drove over to Priscilla's house.
I parked down the street from her house.
It took me about 15 minutes to transform into Mr.
Winky.
I got everything on.
Shoes, shirt, head, and a working winky.
I stomped across the street carefully.
Fortunately no one called the cops.
A seven-foot Mr.
Winky running through the neighborhood could look suspicious.
The costume's head was pretty large and hard to see through.
It was dark outside and there were several steps leading up to Priscilla's front door.
I made it to the front door and rang the doorbell.
The door opened but it wasn't Priscilla.
Apparently her brother and sister-in-law were visiting.
They were just leaving out the door when I arrived.
The guy looked at me like, who the hell is Priscilla dating now? I felt a little awkward but stayed in character.
I just stood there...
winking.
Her brother yelled into the house, "Hey Priscilla.
Someone is here to see you.
" It was a small porch and I was in the way.
So I took a step backward to let them pass.
Priscilla showed up at the door just in time to see this giant mascot freak lose balance.
Me and Mr.
Winky took a dive down her front steps.
Priscilla, her brother, and sister-in-law watched me tumble and roll all the way down the steps into her driveway.
I almost broke my winky.
I got up and climbed back up the steps.
Priscilla could not stop laughing.
I thought she was going to pee her pants.
I guess it looked pretty ridiculous.
I didn't get the girl but we did get some family Christmas pictures.
Love Life Lessons
- Avoid taking big steps if you are only thinking with a large empty head and a winky.
- Chicks are not really attracted to Mr.
Winky. - Expect to take a big fall when there is only a small connection.
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