Debt is a huge source of stress in a marriage.
In fact, some experts claim that debt is the number one cause of divorce.
Married or about-to-be married couples may find it difficult to talk about finances.
It can be uncomfortable, especially if you think you and your partner have significantly different attitudes and habits when it comes to spending and saving.
Despite the difficulty, the most important step to take when dealing with any issue is to learn how to speak honestly and to listen carefully.
If you and your spouse find yourselves struggling with debt to the extent that your marriage is suffering, act now to eliminate this major point of contention.
Here are some tips for solving your money problems.
Discuss, communicate, and listen.
Having an open discussion about spending doesn't mean telling your spouse how he or she is wrong.
It means starting with basic questions, answering and allowing your spouse to answer without one person being the "good" money manager and the other person being the "bad.
" If one spouse thinks it's important to enjoy vacations while the children are still around, and the other spouse thinks it's important to save now and travel after the kids have left home, that doesn't mean one person is right and the other person is wrong.
It means two people have different ideas about what's important and they need to figure out how to compromise so they both feel listened to.
Promise yourselves that you can have philosophical, open ended discussions about spending and saving.
From there you can move to your next step.
Set financial goals you can both live with.
Maybe there's not much you can agree on, but there's probably at least one goal you both think is important, like saving for college.
Start with that so you feel like a team.
Move from there into a discussion of other big items that you should save for.
Then discuss smaller spending splurges.
Make sure one spouse doesn't take on the role of parent or cop, always looking for where the other spouse is breaking the rules.
Agree on some important points, then respect each other enough to assume you both will do your best.
Write a budget.
Put down on paper the nuts and bolts of how much you earn, and how much your necessary bills (rent or mortgage, phone, insurance, electricity, etc) total.
This step will allow you to see where money is wasted.
Both partners may discover they waste money without realizing how much of an impact it has.
You will start to respect yourself and each other when you can make a commitment to living simpler and more deliberately.
Now that you've gotten rid of wasteful spending, decide how to tackle the debt that exists.
Perhaps you can figure out which credit card has the highest percentage rate, and agree to pay double the amount due on that card every month, until it's paid off.
Then start on the card with the next highest rate.
Be sure to do this with no blame or resentment.
Regret and guilt are a waste of time.
Agree to learn from the mistakes you've made, and act from here forward.
It'll be a huge relief to let go of guilt about poor choices you've made.
Guilt is only good if it causes you to act more appropriately in the future, and since that is the commitment you're making, you can let go of the guilt and blame.
Don't be afraid to consult a professional.
There are non-profit credit counseling services that will help you make payment plans.
They can also work with the creditors to drop or reduce interest, to extend your re-payment time, or to consolidate debts.
There is no shame in asking for help.
The only shame is needing help and refusing to seek it.
Don't be one of the couples whose marriage fails due to debt.
Be honest and non-judgmental with each other, then take the necessary steps to conquer debt.
It's a wonderful feeling to be in control.