Marriages and weddings are built on a number of different traditions, one of which is where the groom asks for his lady's hand in marriage. In a day and age where women are calling out for more independence this can be a touchy subject. Is asking her father for his blessing a respectful move or is it treating your girl like a possession? This article will try to answer that very difficult question.
The Case for Respectful
Assuming he has played a role in raising her, the father is the first man the girl ever loved. There is a bond between a father and his daughter that most cannot understand unless they've experienced it. When she gets married, that relationship will change significantly. The right thing to do is run your plans past him so he doesn't feel forgotten.
Most fathers want to be asked so their feelings are respected, not so they can veto your plan to propose. Don't think of it so much as asking permission, but rather for his blessing. You want him to support your future life with his daughter so not only is his blessing important but so is his understanding of how you plan to provide for her and your eventual family.
The Case for Barbaric
No woman should be treated like a possession and who she wants to marry is her business. To varying degrees some girls will feel disrespected when her boyfriend asks for her father's blessing. She may think it's old fashioned or take it as a sign her opinion doesn't matter.
If you're going to ask her father for his permission you might as well just put the ring on her finger after without actually proposing because it's obvious what she thinks means nothing anyway.You may be trying to show he dad respect, but you're disrespecting her in the process.
Which Side is Right?
The important thing to remember about asking for his blessing is you're requesting support, not permission. The only person who really can decide the permission side of things is your girlfriend. However, letting him in on your intentions and giving him the opportunity to voice his concerns is a decent thing to do.
Which one is right is a question that cannot be answered across the board, because each situation is very, very different. It's probably accurate to say that most dads would appreciate being asked, so if your girlfriend is someone who would like it if you did, or could at least tolerate you asking for the sake of her dad's happiness, it's definitely something you should do.
Remember, you're not only asking for his blessing in marrying his daughter, you're also asking to be brought into his family. The respectful and classy thing to do is be thoughtful of his feelings.
The Case for Respectful
Assuming he has played a role in raising her, the father is the first man the girl ever loved. There is a bond between a father and his daughter that most cannot understand unless they've experienced it. When she gets married, that relationship will change significantly. The right thing to do is run your plans past him so he doesn't feel forgotten.
Most fathers want to be asked so their feelings are respected, not so they can veto your plan to propose. Don't think of it so much as asking permission, but rather for his blessing. You want him to support your future life with his daughter so not only is his blessing important but so is his understanding of how you plan to provide for her and your eventual family.
The Case for Barbaric
No woman should be treated like a possession and who she wants to marry is her business. To varying degrees some girls will feel disrespected when her boyfriend asks for her father's blessing. She may think it's old fashioned or take it as a sign her opinion doesn't matter.
If you're going to ask her father for his permission you might as well just put the ring on her finger after without actually proposing because it's obvious what she thinks means nothing anyway.You may be trying to show he dad respect, but you're disrespecting her in the process.
Which Side is Right?
The important thing to remember about asking for his blessing is you're requesting support, not permission. The only person who really can decide the permission side of things is your girlfriend. However, letting him in on your intentions and giving him the opportunity to voice his concerns is a decent thing to do.
Which one is right is a question that cannot be answered across the board, because each situation is very, very different. It's probably accurate to say that most dads would appreciate being asked, so if your girlfriend is someone who would like it if you did, or could at least tolerate you asking for the sake of her dad's happiness, it's definitely something you should do.
Remember, you're not only asking for his blessing in marrying his daughter, you're also asking to be brought into his family. The respectful and classy thing to do is be thoughtful of his feelings.
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