If you're one of the thousands of American fathers out where who are fighting a restraining order during a custody battle... what's the strongest emotion you feel right now? Is it anger... resentment... despair? In my case, I was mostly just worried. Worried about having to spend a fortune on legal fees, and wondering if I'd see my kids again or if I'd get thrown in jail. If any of that is familiar, I'm here to tell you that you are NOT alone, and to share some advice.
First of all, you don't have to be a family law expert.
When fathers are fighting a restraining order, they often do one of two things:
1. either they waste hours upon hours trying to learn decades of American family law on their own, or
2. they throw money at an expensive lawyer in the hope he can win custody of the kids, trusting that he cares about the case.
Neither of those two solutions is a good one. If you're fighting a restraining order, battling a custody case, you're already swamped with paperwork... court citations... restrictions on your personal freedoms. If you're holding down a job, maybe even dealing with a legal divorce too, it's no wonder that many dads just crumple under the pressure of trying to figure out how to win the case with his own family law knowledge.
It's asking far too much at the best of times, never mind when you're distracted on so many fronts. And there's nothing so emotionally distressing for a dad to be unwillingly, and often forcefully, separated from his kids whilst fighting a restraining order.
Secondly, you should focus on what you DO know instead.
You don't have to hire or become a family law expert to win custody of your kids. You don't have to go bankrupt financing a big-shot lawyer to do it on your behalf. What you should do is remember the most important thing about your case: that you need to prove your innocence and beat the system. This is at the heart of winning your case. For example, you need to stick by the rules, even if they seem unfair at the time. I'll never forget the feeling of panic when I mailed a birthday present to my eldest son whilst fighting a restraining order, only to get a court summons in return. If your ex tries to bait you by meeting you in public (planning to claim later that YOU hassled HER), be prepared.
I'll explain this tip in more detail, using a real life example from my own three-year divorce battle:
If you meet her in your local supermarket, leave immediately - just leave the cart and get out. If she tries to stop you, get it on camera (if the store has them), and note the name and description of any witnesses, as well as the time it happens. If you feel threatened at any point, call the police. As long as you can prove that you're complying with the rules, she can't accuse you of a restraining order violation.
Being cut off from your kids when they need you is an upsetting experience, but if you follow tips like these, you won't be for much longer.
First of all, you don't have to be a family law expert.
When fathers are fighting a restraining order, they often do one of two things:
1. either they waste hours upon hours trying to learn decades of American family law on their own, or
2. they throw money at an expensive lawyer in the hope he can win custody of the kids, trusting that he cares about the case.
Neither of those two solutions is a good one. If you're fighting a restraining order, battling a custody case, you're already swamped with paperwork... court citations... restrictions on your personal freedoms. If you're holding down a job, maybe even dealing with a legal divorce too, it's no wonder that many dads just crumple under the pressure of trying to figure out how to win the case with his own family law knowledge.
It's asking far too much at the best of times, never mind when you're distracted on so many fronts. And there's nothing so emotionally distressing for a dad to be unwillingly, and often forcefully, separated from his kids whilst fighting a restraining order.
Secondly, you should focus on what you DO know instead.
You don't have to hire or become a family law expert to win custody of your kids. You don't have to go bankrupt financing a big-shot lawyer to do it on your behalf. What you should do is remember the most important thing about your case: that you need to prove your innocence and beat the system. This is at the heart of winning your case. For example, you need to stick by the rules, even if they seem unfair at the time. I'll never forget the feeling of panic when I mailed a birthday present to my eldest son whilst fighting a restraining order, only to get a court summons in return. If your ex tries to bait you by meeting you in public (planning to claim later that YOU hassled HER), be prepared.
I'll explain this tip in more detail, using a real life example from my own three-year divorce battle:
If you meet her in your local supermarket, leave immediately - just leave the cart and get out. If she tries to stop you, get it on camera (if the store has them), and note the name and description of any witnesses, as well as the time it happens. If you feel threatened at any point, call the police. As long as you can prove that you're complying with the rules, she can't accuse you of a restraining order violation.
Being cut off from your kids when they need you is an upsetting experience, but if you follow tips like these, you won't be for much longer.
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