If you are going through a divorce and have children then you are heading into an emotionally difficult time. THE HOLIDAY SEASON.
The first thing to remember is most people dread this time of year anyway, families being forced together, family tensions boiling over. There have been more movies, books and comedy acts about the 'silly season' than Christmas's.
So, if you come from one of these families you can at least sigh a relief at only your own family to deal with. You may love your in-laws and want a relationship with them but it may not be appropriate at the moment.
Children are most parents focus on the holidays. Christmas trees, decorations, presents, excitement and spoiling. These things do not have to stop even if you are not going to spend the exact day with your kids. IT'S A DAY for goodness sake. But the thought surrounding it can easily be transferred to another DAY.
The first thing to do is figure out when you are going to have your kids. If you and your ex can discuss this then do it now so you can plan around the dates you have. People divide up the holidays in all sorts of ways. For instance;
* Second years, swap holiday times or the whole holiday. This gives one parent at a time the chance to spend time with the kids, go away, do the family thing, whatever.
* Split Christmas down the middle. Christmas consists of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Make pick up time 12 noon Christmas day. This way one parent gets present opening around the tree in the morning and the other gets the big Christmas lunch. Again alternate years.
* Thank Giving and Christmas can be alternated. It is good for children to experience different family events and dynamics, as long as they themselves feel secure. So, if you think one parents do a celebration better than the other do not judge to harshly, this is your perspective only.
Once you have your days set then make a plan.
* Day for buying and decorating the tree, I'm pretty show 'whoever' controls the days of Christmas will make an exception for divorcing parents and their children.
* The Christmas meal. Is it going to be the best breakfast ever, lunch or dinner with family or friends, or even a Christmas meal cooked to perfection a week after the official day.
I have spent many years now as a separated parent and some of the best Christmas's we've had have been on days not officially Christmas day. Decorations don't care how long they hang, presents will wait to be opened, food needs to be prepared whatever the day.
Christmas and the holiday season is supposed to be about the feelings they produce and the thankfulness we experience.
My advice is to enjoy your holidays and make them special for your children in whatever way you think will thrill and excite. Two Christmas's are pretty special. Don't ruin your children's holidays because you cannot put your emotions on hold. Give yourself a plan to use the time you have available to make the holidays some that will stand out forever.
The first thing to remember is most people dread this time of year anyway, families being forced together, family tensions boiling over. There have been more movies, books and comedy acts about the 'silly season' than Christmas's.
So, if you come from one of these families you can at least sigh a relief at only your own family to deal with. You may love your in-laws and want a relationship with them but it may not be appropriate at the moment.
Children are most parents focus on the holidays. Christmas trees, decorations, presents, excitement and spoiling. These things do not have to stop even if you are not going to spend the exact day with your kids. IT'S A DAY for goodness sake. But the thought surrounding it can easily be transferred to another DAY.
The first thing to do is figure out when you are going to have your kids. If you and your ex can discuss this then do it now so you can plan around the dates you have. People divide up the holidays in all sorts of ways. For instance;
* Second years, swap holiday times or the whole holiday. This gives one parent at a time the chance to spend time with the kids, go away, do the family thing, whatever.
* Split Christmas down the middle. Christmas consists of Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Make pick up time 12 noon Christmas day. This way one parent gets present opening around the tree in the morning and the other gets the big Christmas lunch. Again alternate years.
* Thank Giving and Christmas can be alternated. It is good for children to experience different family events and dynamics, as long as they themselves feel secure. So, if you think one parents do a celebration better than the other do not judge to harshly, this is your perspective only.
Once you have your days set then make a plan.
* Day for buying and decorating the tree, I'm pretty show 'whoever' controls the days of Christmas will make an exception for divorcing parents and their children.
* The Christmas meal. Is it going to be the best breakfast ever, lunch or dinner with family or friends, or even a Christmas meal cooked to perfection a week after the official day.
I have spent many years now as a separated parent and some of the best Christmas's we've had have been on days not officially Christmas day. Decorations don't care how long they hang, presents will wait to be opened, food needs to be prepared whatever the day.
Christmas and the holiday season is supposed to be about the feelings they produce and the thankfulness we experience.
My advice is to enjoy your holidays and make them special for your children in whatever way you think will thrill and excite. Two Christmas's are pretty special. Don't ruin your children's holidays because you cannot put your emotions on hold. Give yourself a plan to use the time you have available to make the holidays some that will stand out forever.
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