So if you feel like you need to do some additional checking before you actually try to interpret an event it is important to invest the time.
My daughter came home from school crying and very distraught one day. Her favourite teacher, that rarely had raised her voice, had totally lost control and shouted at her in front of the entire class. As she cried I listened to the story blow by blow. All my daughter knew was that she had been teased and when she finally lost control and stuck up for herself her precious teacher abandoned her and publicly humiliated her.
I made mental notes of where everyone was physically located in the story and where her teacher was when certain things happened. I asked a lot of questions. Once I had gathered all of my facts I walked my daughter through my interpretation of what happened. What became apparent to me was that her teacher could not possibly have known or seen everything that had happened.
All of the girls in the class were teasing and picking and complaining about one another. It was the end of the year and everyone was tired and in need of a holiday. Her teacher was shouting at a group of people. When an adult scolds a child they naturally look down. She agreed but said "adults shout at you to look at them when they are speaking to you, so I was looking at her." I found that a bit humorous being that she is a courageous child and had the ability to comply. For sure all of the others had bowed their heads in shame.
Naturally her teacher looked at her the whole time as she shouted because she was the only one making direct eye contact! When I pointed this out to my daughter suddenly she took the whole incident less personally. Her biggest fear was that she had lost her teacher forever and that she no longer liked her! I assured her that she did and that she was just upset at that time. I compared it to when I shout and asked her why she thought that it would be any different. She replied "because you don't have a choice you're my mother!"
My daughter was inconsolable and cried herself to sleep that night. She begged not to have to go to school the next day and I sent her out the door crying. After I assured her that I would speak to her teacher that morning I closed the door and cried after she left. I called the school and made an appointment to come in later that day. My interpretation of what had gone on was right. When my daughter came home from school she had a smile on her face. Her teacher had apologised for behaving like a frustrated mother and explained that when you care about someone a lot the lines get blurred. My daughter hugged me and said "you were right mummy."
The program/planner is a fun and interactive family & school management solution which uses tried and trusted practical strategies and tools to teach your children life-skills, as well as social values.
I Can Do It! is the only practical, flexible and diverse program that infuses self esteem in your children while teaching responsibility and self-sufficiency on a daily basis.To receive a FREE copy of The 9 Tough Parenting Problems & How To Solve Them report go to http://icandoitlifeskills.com
My daughter came home from school crying and very distraught one day. Her favourite teacher, that rarely had raised her voice, had totally lost control and shouted at her in front of the entire class. As she cried I listened to the story blow by blow. All my daughter knew was that she had been teased and when she finally lost control and stuck up for herself her precious teacher abandoned her and publicly humiliated her.
I made mental notes of where everyone was physically located in the story and where her teacher was when certain things happened. I asked a lot of questions. Once I had gathered all of my facts I walked my daughter through my interpretation of what happened. What became apparent to me was that her teacher could not possibly have known or seen everything that had happened.
All of the girls in the class were teasing and picking and complaining about one another. It was the end of the year and everyone was tired and in need of a holiday. Her teacher was shouting at a group of people. When an adult scolds a child they naturally look down. She agreed but said "adults shout at you to look at them when they are speaking to you, so I was looking at her." I found that a bit humorous being that she is a courageous child and had the ability to comply. For sure all of the others had bowed their heads in shame.
Naturally her teacher looked at her the whole time as she shouted because she was the only one making direct eye contact! When I pointed this out to my daughter suddenly she took the whole incident less personally. Her biggest fear was that she had lost her teacher forever and that she no longer liked her! I assured her that she did and that she was just upset at that time. I compared it to when I shout and asked her why she thought that it would be any different. She replied "because you don't have a choice you're my mother!"
My daughter was inconsolable and cried herself to sleep that night. She begged not to have to go to school the next day and I sent her out the door crying. After I assured her that I would speak to her teacher that morning I closed the door and cried after she left. I called the school and made an appointment to come in later that day. My interpretation of what had gone on was right. When my daughter came home from school she had a smile on her face. Her teacher had apologised for behaving like a frustrated mother and explained that when you care about someone a lot the lines get blurred. My daughter hugged me and said "you were right mummy."
The program/planner is a fun and interactive family & school management solution which uses tried and trusted practical strategies and tools to teach your children life-skills, as well as social values.
I Can Do It! is the only practical, flexible and diverse program that infuses self esteem in your children while teaching responsibility and self-sufficiency on a daily basis.To receive a FREE copy of The 9 Tough Parenting Problems & How To Solve Them report go to http://icandoitlifeskills.com
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