Though I have written books and articles about many topics, my recent work focuses on grief, something that surprises me.
This work comes from the experience of losing four family members, including my elder daughter, within a nine-month span.
You could say life has made me an expert on grief.
Community groups ask me to speak about loss, grief and recovery.
I am glad to speak to them, but do it carefully.
Certainly, I do not want to more inflict pain on someone who is already in emotional pain.
Authors like me, who write about uncomfortable topics, need to strike a balance between information and emotion.
Careful preparation helps me to strike this balance.
Jenna Braddley makes this point in her "Psychology Today" website article, "Speaking of Grief: Tips for Grievers, Friends and Family on Talking About Loss.
" Listeners feel more comfortable about negative emotions if they are safely tucked in the past, according to Braddey, and "if the person has since recovered or managed to move out of the negative emotion to something better.
" This leads me to my first tip: Limit your goals.
When I speak about grief I try to get three ideas across.
One is that I accepted the pain of loss.
The second is that I did my grief work.
The final point is that I continue to do this work.
Casual as my talks may sound, they are carefully crafted, the result of research, outlining, and practice.
My second tip: Observe body language.
When we talk about something uncomfortable, Braddley says we have to "be sensitive to listeners' needs.
" While I am speaking I am on constant alert for changes in body language.
During a recent talk I saw a woman grasp another woman's hand to comfort her.
In response, I slowed the pace of my talk.
My third tip: Include humor.
Speaking about loss, grief and recovery does not mean I leave my sense of humor at home.
Mourners need to laugh, if they can, and my talks always include some funny stories.
In my experience, listeners remember the points of a talk better if you add humor.
My fourth tip: Have handouts.
Grievers, especially in the early stages of mourning, are stressed and confused.
In fact, they are barely aware of what they are doing.
That is why I always have one or two handouts to go with a talk.
Listeners appreciate them.
After a recent talk a woman thanked me for the handout.
"I didn't have to take notes," she said.
"You summarized the points for me.
" My fifth tip: Know your topic.
The question and answer session may be the most important part of a talk.
Listeners have asked me for information about recovering from a suicide in the family and reliable websites.
Fortunately, I was able to provide leads on both topics.
I always thank people for coming.
Nobody is required to come to my talk.
Some do it with trepidation because they think my talk will be a grief trigger.
My goal is not to be a grief trigger; it is to be a grief healer.
That is why I speak about the journey of grief and the miracle of my new life.
Copyright 2010 by Harriet Hodgson
This work comes from the experience of losing four family members, including my elder daughter, within a nine-month span.
You could say life has made me an expert on grief.
Community groups ask me to speak about loss, grief and recovery.
I am glad to speak to them, but do it carefully.
Certainly, I do not want to more inflict pain on someone who is already in emotional pain.
Authors like me, who write about uncomfortable topics, need to strike a balance between information and emotion.
Careful preparation helps me to strike this balance.
Jenna Braddley makes this point in her "Psychology Today" website article, "Speaking of Grief: Tips for Grievers, Friends and Family on Talking About Loss.
" Listeners feel more comfortable about negative emotions if they are safely tucked in the past, according to Braddey, and "if the person has since recovered or managed to move out of the negative emotion to something better.
" This leads me to my first tip: Limit your goals.
When I speak about grief I try to get three ideas across.
One is that I accepted the pain of loss.
The second is that I did my grief work.
The final point is that I continue to do this work.
Casual as my talks may sound, they are carefully crafted, the result of research, outlining, and practice.
My second tip: Observe body language.
When we talk about something uncomfortable, Braddley says we have to "be sensitive to listeners' needs.
" While I am speaking I am on constant alert for changes in body language.
During a recent talk I saw a woman grasp another woman's hand to comfort her.
In response, I slowed the pace of my talk.
My third tip: Include humor.
Speaking about loss, grief and recovery does not mean I leave my sense of humor at home.
Mourners need to laugh, if they can, and my talks always include some funny stories.
In my experience, listeners remember the points of a talk better if you add humor.
My fourth tip: Have handouts.
Grievers, especially in the early stages of mourning, are stressed and confused.
In fact, they are barely aware of what they are doing.
That is why I always have one or two handouts to go with a talk.
Listeners appreciate them.
After a recent talk a woman thanked me for the handout.
"I didn't have to take notes," she said.
"You summarized the points for me.
" My fifth tip: Know your topic.
The question and answer session may be the most important part of a talk.
Listeners have asked me for information about recovering from a suicide in the family and reliable websites.
Fortunately, I was able to provide leads on both topics.
I always thank people for coming.
Nobody is required to come to my talk.
Some do it with trepidation because they think my talk will be a grief trigger.
My goal is not to be a grief trigger; it is to be a grief healer.
That is why I speak about the journey of grief and the miracle of my new life.
Copyright 2010 by Harriet Hodgson
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